A Conversation that was put off for far too long.
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
First and foremost, thank you. Thank you all so much. I felt such an outpouring of support yesterday that I thought to myself "how can I fail, look at who is here to catch me?" It was awesome.
After reading all of your comments I came to the realization that a heart-to-heart was long overdue with the hubster. I know that he has the best of intentions and that he loves me very much. I don't think I have made it very apparent that his suggestions hurt my feelings and how important it was that he try to understand my journey. It was time to lay it all out.
So last night, we sat down and talked. I tried the best that I could to not throw him into the defensive but wasn't completely successful. Initially, I simply asked him why he wanted me to lose weight. I told him that his suggestions had become more frequent as of late and I wanted to understand why. He said that he saw me working so hard at the gym and constantly weighing myself and seeing no real change. He felt frustrated for me and wanted to find something that moved the process along so that all of my effort was not (as he saw it) in vain.
I can understand where he is coming from. In the past year I have lost a total of 10 pounds and while it is a loss, it is not something that is necessarily noticed by someone who sees you every day. He doesn't understand the Weight Watchers program and I think I need to fill him in. All he knows is that I constantly play with my phone before eating and that once I week I disappear for about an hour to go to a meeting. He has expressed frustration over both of these things as well, but I think it is just because he doesn't understand what I am doing.
I explained that while I appreciated his support, I needed him to support the manner in which I have chosen to lose weight. I told him exactly what I wanted. Five days a week of gym time (where he would watch the kiddos), freedom to go to my meeting without worrying about childcare and no comments about using my phone to write down what I eat. That was it. Nothing else. I have also decided to bring him to a meeting so he understands exactly what I am doing while there. I am going to wait until I reach my next 5 pound star though, because it would be amazing to have him there to celebrate. Super motivating to get to that next star!
He was very open to just supporting me in the methods mentioned above. We argued a little bit because he feels that I take my frustrations and insecurities out on him when really I am who I should get angry at. This led to tears and not the best ending to our conversation. The truth is, he is probably right. I know that if I let myself down throughout the day by not tracking like I should or convincing myself not to work out, I definitely get grumpy and it rubs off on the rest of the family. The fact that he has caught on to that is pretty impressive, especially since I do not eat with him the majority of the time. Maybe I just don’t take criticism well. I want him to quietly support me by smiling when I make a good decision and ignoring when I don’t. I just can’t face his look of disappointment when I eat a cupcake to celebrate my son’s birthday. I want to have an open relationship with him but I don’t really want him to be a part of my weight loss journey. It’s mine and I want to own it and not feel like I let him down if I stumble. He doesn’t understand that I no longer see stumbling as failing. And he definitely doesn’t understand the concept of planning for that cupcake and appreciating every bite because I earned it. I hate that he can take away my rewards from just a look.
So, in conclusion, some education is needed. I need to explain the program to my husband and make sure that he is on board. If he isn’t than there is probably a bigger problem that we are going to have to deal with. I am going to wait it out and continue to track and do what I need to be doing.