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Binge x2

Sunday, May 05, 2013

I haven't had an actual binge in a while. There were times recently when I definitely ate too much, but it wasn't completely out of control. Well, last night and today, I binge ate.

When I am doing it, I really feel like I can't stop. I've noticed that it tends to happen during times when I feel completely worried, stressed, and overwhelmed. I've felt like that a lot this week, and now I am in a depression. I try really hard not to be sad, but no matter what I do it doesn't go away.

Then I start to eat thinking I'll feel better with just a little something, and before I know it, I have lost control. Last night I ate many pudding cups, I don't even know how many...5, maybe 6. I ate a bag of popcorn, the whole damn bag. I ate a muffin, and had 5 glasses of wine, so I also got drunk. No, I am not an alcoholic. I rarely drink, but last night I just didn't care.

Today I did ok until the kids went to bed, and then I ate half a pan of brownies. I feel like total crap now.

The reason I am writing about this--when I could just pretend it never happened-- is that I want everyone to know I am not perfect, and I don't pretend to be. I also want to have some accountability so I don't keep doing this.

Whenever this happens, I feel like a complete failure because I have lost control. I feel like I am letting everyone down who has looked to me for inspiration. I contemplated not saying anything, but I feel like being honest is the right thing to do.

I'm going to make tomorrow a better day. Even if I am still feeling depressed, I will make good food choices and remind myself that numbing myself with food only makes me feel worse after I'm done eating.

I read Runs for Cookies, and coincidentally she binge ate this weekend. After reading her blog tonight, it made me want to write my own.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • COFFEE_123456
    I'm sorry that you are having a tough time - glad to see that you aren't beating yourself up about it. I'm sure you are a great person just as you are - no need to have the pressure of feeling like you need to be perfect. Everyone has their ups and downs and you seem to rally quickly and really keep a positive approach.
    1988 days ago
    Oh dear,
    I also binged this weekend and I will head over to runs for cookies, I used to follow her a while back. I haven't even really logged on because I feel like crud too. You don't need the pressure of feeling like you have to be a perfect role model. You inspire because you are so real. I hope you forgive yourself and move on like I know you will. It sucks to feel depressed over these things. When I am doing everything right I can't even imagine I will lose control ever again so I totally get it. It's startling to lose control after so long. Onward we go emoticon
    1989 days ago
    You've done terrific and this is a bump in the road. I'm sorry this is happening to you but I know you'll bounce back. Things will get better.
    1989 days ago
    Hope today is a better day for you - hang in there!
    1989 days ago
    Those of us with that issue have been there, done that. Pick up and make today a fresh day! You've got this.
    1990 days ago
    1990 days ago
    Hope you are feeling better today.
    1990 days ago
    I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch. Take care and know that it will pass.
    1990 days ago
    You are still an inspiration and even more so because you are not perfect and for admitting it. Yes you had a bad day, but as you said, tomorrow you make good choices and you know that if you break the pattern of binging that you will feel a lot better soon. emoticon
    1990 days ago
    I think we all go thru times in our lives where something will put us into a different frame of mind that makes us at the moment not care about ourselves as we normally do.
    The thing is you most likely have 95 % or more good days when your treating your body well and your mind/mood isn't able to influence you, depression can be really hard on a person and you have been thru an awful lot this week with family.
    You are still a SUPER wonderful inspiration to everyone!
    I hope/and know that this next week you will turn it around because you are emoticon and emoticon emoticon
    1990 days ago
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