300,000-349,999 SparkPoints 312,121


Sunday, May 05, 2013

I never got around to adding the pics from Halloween. Some of them have Jack in them. He didn't dress up, but I always get him to pose with me.

I love him so much. I don't think it is time to put him down yet. He is still so happy, so loving, so waggy! Poor thing is always falling over, but wants to run and bark and give kisses! I was going to do my indoor walking while he was outside, but he decided to come in. He is much more lethargic than he used to be and he's always been rather lazy. He is a dog made for loving. He wants to be scratched and held and cuddled. He is a contact dog. He wants human contact all the time.

That is one reason I am so scared to have to put him down. I keep telling myself that my sister will be waiting on the other side to greet him and love him and give him all the attention he could want. That Grandma will be there to love him too. That his uncle will be there (my brother) to tease him and play with him.... that all his cousins that went on before him will be woofing and wagging their welcomes. I keep telling myself all this as the tears run down my face!

I have been soooo depressed. I went from overstressed to majorly depressed. Mother's Day is approaching and I no longer have a mom. We didn't celebrate on Mother's Day anyhow since it hurt her knowing she had lost 2 of her children. So, we always had a special day together in between mother's day and her birthday (May 31). My father in law always gets us fresh strawberries each year and when he brought some to my house I just broke down. We always got him to get my mom some too. She loved fresh strawberries. I just miss her. I feel so bad and when you feel bad you want your mommy. Jack does.

My dad is doing OK. But, I'm not sure he is getting the necessary rehab that he deserves and needs. I'm not sure I made the right decision for his rehab. I'm not sure of anything. There are some improvements, but then not so much. the MD recommended PT twice a day but he only gets one hour of PT and that is combined with his occupational therapy and that is how this place is set up. So, do I move him? Where? Where he is is close to the church and close to a very good friend who doesn't drive. Should I move him? I dunno! What if my decision is hurting his recovery? I just don't know!

All I do is cry. My doctor adjusted my meds but I don't know how much that will help. I feel helpless. Totally helpless.

Well, Jack went back outside, so I'm going to do some indoor walking. I don't know if we will ever get my pool open! The weather has been unseasonably cool. Can I just run away to a tropical island?

I thank you for all the prayers for Dad and for Jack. I keep hoping for a miracle, but I'm not stupid. I'm not even hopeful. I just hurt and I don't like it.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so sorry for your pain. I held my Bizzy in my arms when we sent her to the Rainbow Bridge, and I am still missing her every single day. It has been 4 months, and there are finally days that I don't cry, but I know how you are feeling about Jack.

    About your Dad... there really is no one best choice for rehab. if he is happy where you have him that is the right place for him to be. If he really wants to do more he can and will. do they give him instructions to do anything between therapy? Like walk down the hall 4 times or lift your arm 5 times or anything? If not, maybe you should talk to the therapist. But being close to church and friends is probably going to help him as much as therapy does. Honestly. Don't make yourself crazy and second guess yourself. We all do our best, and then have to stop guessing.

    Prayers for your depression to lift and peace to be with you.
    1810 days ago
  • 2BEHEALTHY2014
    I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. Nothing anyone can savor do will make thst go away. Please know that your mom loves you and just because she isn't here to give you hugs, she is still sending love and hugs from Heaven.

    Can you talk to your Dad's doctor about the different rehab options? The doctor should know e best places.

    Sending hugs and happy thoughts your way.

    1810 days ago
  • KISHU1
    Big hugs are sent your way. Just take a day at a time and enjoy the preciousness of life that is around you. I know that you are having a hard time.Remember that we are all here to support you through these tough times...that prayers are sent your way and that you are surrounded with love. emoticon
    1811 days ago
    Praying for you Melissa!!! Know we are all here for you! I'll pray for you to start get some answers to help with all your questions above! I'm sure you are doing your best, so try to relax and leave it in God's hands! I know, easy to say...
    Hugs!!! Love ya... praying for you, Jack, your Dad & Anthony!
    1811 days ago
    *HUGS* I wish I had answers for you.
    1812 days ago
    Melissa, we all keep praying for you, your Dad, and Jack.

    Listen to your heart, you will know when it is time. I know you don't want to lose Jack, none us want to face that day, or let them go if there is anything more we can try.

    It is hard, and no one can tell you it isn't. My Mom has been gone for many years, and I still miss her, and our telephone calls. Try not to get down, think of all the good times you had together, and smile.

    Please take care of yourself too. You have much to give.

    1812 days ago
    Melissa, I am hurting for you. I do think you should give those increased meds a try.

    1812 days ago
    Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
    1812 days ago
    I wish there was something I could do for you. You are loved. All you can do is your best, don't second guess yourself too much. Go with your gut and do the best you can.
    1812 days ago
    Oh Melissa, I wish I could ease your pain. I have been keeping you and Jack and your Dad in my prayers. I wish I could do more.
    1812 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.