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Doing what I fear

Friday, May 03, 2013

My SparkCoach challenge today is to do what I fear. Well, I fear confrontation. I avoid it like the plague and I'm never very good at it. It stresses me out. A great deal of stress. Did I mention that it stresses me out???

Basically, I view whatever I have to tell people what I'm feeling as confrontation, instead of discussing or just calmly telling people what I want or expect. For example, my roommate leaves her coat all over the house and I hate it. I would prefer that all coats be neatly kept in the coat closet. I hate that she doesn't fill the Keurig until she has to or the water filter jug after she uses it. This morning, I noticed that she put the big floor fan in her bedroom, instead of the one that she took apart last year to clean and then never put back together. I hate that she constantly parks in the driveway and I end up parking on the road because she gets home sooner than I do. I pay more for the place we are living in and I would more than occasionally like to park in my driveway.

Just thinking about discussing any and all of this makes me have a pit in my stomach. I know that I'm a people pleaser and that I really like it when there isn't conflict. But how is it helping my own growth as a person to continually bottle these things up? How is it helping me or her for me to continually enable her by constantly picking up after her?

How do I learn to express myself when something bothers me? How do I express myself at the time and not waiting until I am so fed up that it comes out harshly? Why can't I learn that this is communication that normal humans do? Is there a step-by-step instruction manual somewhere on the internet?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

I know that I need to learn this basic human skill. I'm so tired of being walked on. I'm not sure that people do it on purpose, but I'm passive enough that they do it anyway because I won't say anything. I am worthy of having my needs heard and met. I am worthy of having my wishes respected. I deserve a voice and the only person standing in my way is me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Can you try talking to her about just one thing, the one thing that annoys you most, and see how that goes? Try bringing it up over dinner or during a quiet time, when you both are relaxed. I know it's hard to confront someone, but it's worse to keep it bottled up inside. Remember your home is your castle, your place to relax and unwind. You can't do that if you aren't comfortable in your own place. If she can't adjust to the few things that bother you then maybe you should try another roommate. I wish you the best!
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    1875 days ago
    It is so hard. I am a lot like you in that respect. I hate confrontation - it bothers me just to think of it. Oh, and think of it I do - often.

    It's not the same now that I am in my own house - I tend now to show my frustration more. I still keep things bottled up sometimes though. My dh is a blessing - because he is much better at it than I am.

    I am much better at expressing myself (even saying something negative) through writing instead of starting the person right in the eye and saying it.

    Hope you find a way to express yourself - it truly is a blessing when you can.

    1876 days ago
    “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal." Henry Ford
    1876 days ago
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