The spark is burning out
Friday, May 03, 2013
I hate to write a negative blog, but this has been bothering me for days. I feel like I am losing my Spark. Everything is like a chore and I hate doing it. I hate all food in general , hate thinking about fixing or even eating it. Weighing, measuring, tracking , taking meds, all of it. I guess I am a little depress. I think about my grand kids, I think of mother's day, my mother being gone, how only 2 of my kids for sure will call me a wish me a Happy Mother's Day. Yesterday my hubby , who has been clam for awhile came in bitching about his job, his life, on and on I just listened , because you can;t say anything that will make any difference to him. I wanted to scream and shout and tell him it is not just his life, it is mine too and I am not living any different from him. I work too, maybe not 12 hours a day at a job , but what I do is hard and mine don't stop there. I have to rush home and have his diner on the table for him and trying to figure out what to fix him and what to fix me is driving me crazy and now I hate to cook too. I have to clean this house, wash clothes, dishes, pack his lunch, set up coffee pot, pick up after him, pay bills, which some of them I have to go out to pay, run and do things for others.It never stops. But he thinks I have it easy. I don't get a Thank you, except from my step father. I don't get , the house looks nice, I just do it and go on. My weight is not moving and I guess I expect to much. I want to scream and shout and walk away from everything and fine a quiet place to be with myself. I ask God to help me get through this. I need ideals to get my weight to start moving . It is depressing when it stays ,or goes up. I don't think it is to much to ask to lose 2 pounds a month, but I guess it is. Yes I have lost a little weight, a few inches, and feel better. I go to all the good things that I have accomplished, but I feel like I am going backwards , my sugars are running crazy again , it takes forever for me to get them under control . Enough I am going to the gym and work some of this negativity off. Take and deep look at what I am doing wrong and try to find my spark, any suggestions ? Down and out in Tennessee.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Sounds like you need a vacation. Even a short week end one will do.
The plateau in weight loss happens because your body is now making some adjustments. Go to the Spark people lifestyle center and check out some of the weight maintenance articles. Very interesting. I am waiting through a plateau that has now been 2 months long. Just enjoy the journey.
As for the rest of your frustrations, a vacation can help you to regroup. Take a short one if you can.
If other people don't appreciate us they are just missing out on enjoying our part in their lives. House work is a thankless job. Sit back an Enjoy the fruits of your labors just because you did it for you; if any one else notices or not. Be self appreciative.
1854 days ago
I totally hear what you're saying and I hope that in the few days that have passed since you wrote this, you are feeling somewhat more inspired. I have CERTAINLY been where you are, emotionally. I so get it.
1867 days ago
I've been in the same place as you for a while now. I'm still going through the motions, though. Someone else here told me to "fake it til you make it." I think that's pretty good advice. Just by logging in and checking some of the blogs and articles and other features here, including reading the success stories can help you realize that you CAN do this. That's what I'm hoping for anyway. I have a lot of personal stresses right now myself, so I'm trying to take it easy and not be so hard on myself. Life is going to have its ups and downs and there isn't anything we can do about that. We can't always be on top of our game, but we can still play!!
I've read some of your other blogs, and you are a sweet person with a great heart.
1873 days ago
Wow. I was at this same place not so long ago. First of all, take a deep breath and regroup. Sounds like hubby and you need a break. even if for an hour. What did you both enjoy doing when you first got married? Go do it! My hubby and I are simple old souls. To sit in a comfy chair and watch a silly comedy will do it for us.
Unfortunately, when we are stressed, our hubby's are stressed. I hate when I'm "pms"ing and hubby gets all cranky. Really? What's that about? So...it's up to us to find a way to remove the stress from our households. Not fair, but life isn't fair at times.
Getting husbands to appreciate a nice clean home? Good luck with that. They must think a genie comes in and does it all. Just enjoy your nice home. Light a candle, play some music. Whatever.
Can you start dinner in a crock pot so it's ready when you both get home from work? Then you won't have to rush home and worry about it. There are some great recipes online.
I've been on this site for a few years. I've lost a few pounds. Gained them back. Was ready to throw in the towel. Now you know what? I just try to eat right and exercise. I have Lupus and I have only been cleared to walk. After about 30 minutes, I'm in pain so I have to stop. It's not even enough to break a sweat. Calories getting burned? Ain't even happening.
Now I'm just in it for the health benefits. Just to be here and enjoy life. That's what we're all here for. Right? Enjoy it. I know. Easier said than done. Maybe it's the Zoloft talking. I'm depressed, on meds, went to talk therapy. It all helped to get me to the point where I am today.
I'm worth it and so are you.
1875 days ago
((((HUGS)))) Don't give up on yourself. You're precious in His sight. Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of that.
Is your DH willing to help you when things get overwhelming if you ask/? I used to be sooooo bugged, becasue I could/can see all that needs doing in the house and outside. He needs to have it all pointed out to him. BUT for me, I learned the way to handle it was to just ask him for help and specifically tell him what I need help with. HE is happy to help, I get a little relief and things get done. It's a win/win.
I realize that I am lucky DH doesn't mind helping even if it takes my asking to get his help.
Sending hugs your way and don't give up! Hang in there.
1876 days ago
Please don't give up on yourself. You are "worth the time it takes". I do understand your frustrations honestly, sounds much like some of the years I had with 1st husband. I am sad to say he never did change, but I did and started to help myself feel stronger. One thing that might help is talking to someone, pastor or consoler.
I agree that you need to find a little "ME" time. Glad you wrote all this down sometimes that helps too and going to the gym to work off some of the negativity you are feeling.
Just try to focus on one thing a day something small that you do and feel good about it. I wish you could get more of the support that you need at home, but you have it here and that should help. I know you want a little of it there too.
Keep talking and please try not to stress over what you cant change, hard I know, but that stress is hurting your journey.
Lots of big Hugs and good thoughts and I do believe that you can find your way, just never ever give up on YOU!!!
1876 days ago
First off, hang in there friend! Don't give up on yourself. I have been pretty much where you are right now. Stuck in a rut, no weight loss, tired of everything and everybody, eating way too much again, Blood Sugar out of control, Blood Pressure chronically high even with meds, disgruntled and abusive husband and a grown daughter that would prefer I wasn't around. Basically life sucked! What brought me out of the darkness was my health. I couldn't ignore any longer what the stress, anxiety, blood sugar and high blood pressure is doing to my body. I have spent most of my life caring and doing for others, and now I feel it's my turn. I can't undo what harm these things have already done but I still have a chance to stall any further damage. And I am worth that chance! So are you!!
You too can turn things around. It's never too late. Take it one day at a time. Everything you do for you, no matter how small will reap rewards in the long run. So take a deep breath or two, and start anew. Don't look at the big picture right away, instead begin with small changes until you are back to full swing. Increase your water, cut back on salt, eat more fresh fruit and veggies. Put you, your needs and your health first. It's time you care for #1. Everything else will eventually fall into place. Do what you can for the house and the hubby within reason but make you a priority.
1876 days ago
Don't give up! Every little thing you do for yourself that makes you feel better about yourself is worth it. I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. things will get better, keep pushing. You are worth the effort.
1876 days ago
Sadly too much stress will keep you stuck. You've got to find a venting place to let it out and talk with DH about these issues as you have a voice and he's supposed to help and support you.
You'll find a way
1876 days ago
Hello, fellow Tennessean! Your life sounds like mine was at one time. It sounds like you need to schedule some "me" time. and delegate some of your responsibilities. If you're tired of planning meals and cooking, eat and serve frozen dinners. There are a lot of choices out there that are low calorie for you and hearty for him. No measuring or weighing food. I get tired of these activities too. When I don't feel like cooking, I pull out a lean cuisine. Another suggestion I recently tried was to give yourself permission to take a break from all this stuff. It felt liberating to not measure or even track my food. I hope something I said helps. Good luck
1876 days ago
Praying you have better days. My sugars according to my meter are out of control but my A1C came in at 5.7 so I have ordered a new monitor from a different company. This is the 3rd monitor from this company and I give up on them. Ask your hubby what he wants to eat .. preferably for a week before going grocery shopping. If you don't already, carefully measure out your portions and watch you salt. Be sure to drink 8 glasses of water each day and sleep 8 hours each night. Good luck to you.
1876 days ago
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.