10,000-14,999 SparkPoints 14,450

Attempt # 1,656,856

Thursday, May 02, 2013

Here I am again saying I'm going to lose weight. Some how the magic has left me and I can't seem to get it back. My 55 lb weight loss of '09 has become the weight debacle of '13. I have gained 7 lbs of it back and I just seem to be going up. I am ashamed and ultimately scared about where my health is going. I told myself I wasn't going to go back to what I was but it's where I'm headed.

I'm angry! How can I not remember how unhappy I was? How can I not remember how much I hated being overweight. Yet, here I am overweight again. I'm five pounds overweight and not happy one bit.

I have gone back to yelling at myself again. Calling myself a fat cow. That's always a great way to start the day.

The only good news I can leave for today is that I went out to lunch today and stayed in my calorie range. It's my bosses b-day and the office always goes somewhere to celebrate. We ended up at Chilis where I panicked over the menu for about ten minutes. I wrestled with what I was going to eat. Was I going to choose the healthy option and feel deprived? Or was I going to eat something bad for me and feel horrible the rest of the day?

Congrats to me I ate the lighter choice!!!

It feels good to come back from lunch not feeling stuffed to the breaking point. And I also feel proud of myself for saying no to the bad choices. If only I could bottle up how I feel right now to help me make better choices later. If I could remember how I feel this moment I would never eat horribly again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks for all the support. I truthfully thought that I was writing this just for my information. It's great to have people respond with words of encouragement.
    1816 days ago
    Just keep trying! You can do it.
    1816 days ago
    Look at it in perspective-you gained 7lbs. You have still LOST 48lbs. Start small again, start a streak. Don't beat yourself up-like others have said, would you speak to a friend this way?

    You have done so much already, don't let that go to waste

    1816 days ago
    I totally understand! I've kept 60 lbs off for 5 years, but I STILL cannot get the last 20 or so lbs off.

    Whenever I start gaining I get really sad, but you just have to dust yourself off and get back on the horse.

    Why not try a new activity? Maybe a walking or hiking group?

    Great job on choosing the healthier option! It is so hard to go out with friends and not splurge.
    1816 days ago
    don't expect perfection - its too lofty a goal and ultimately causes us more pain than its worth - beating yourself up and calling yourself horrible names - shame shame - would u call a friend or spark friend names like that for a 5 lb weight gain???

    you are remembering how miserable you were and your weight gain is on your radar and your doing something about it - gee from my perspective - thats truly wonderful ----

    your wording about "depriving" yourself - is something to consider - if your happy with your choices than your actually treating yourself to the best and the best which in my book is just about the most nuturing and fulfilling way to be.

    Hugsss always and major congrats!!!!!
    1816 days ago
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