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FlyLady: Why you should do things for YOUR own sake

Thursday, May 02, 2013

People think that FlyLady is just a "housekeeping tips" site, but any FlyBaby will tell you that it goes much deeper than that. Often, how we manage our houses mirrors how we manage our relationships, our bodies, our sprirituality, you name it. So much of what she preaches about DIRECTLY relates to our health and wellness.

Recently FlyLady received this email from one of her FlyBabies:

"I am 53, never married, and trying to dig out of CHAOS. Yes, it is very hard and not fun to be organized and spotless for yourself. Please address this more, as I and millions like I am, have no one to do things for, or to do things for us.

"The feeling of Why should I bother, no one comes over here anyway, is not encouraging.

"Thank you."

Here is FlyLady's response:

I told her that I would ponder on it for a few days. Well I have. Let’s say I have had some sleepless night just thinking about this and remember the times in my life that I was alone.

She is so right when she says that she has the feeling of “Why bother”! We have always been expected to be selfless. In fact we were probably beaten down as children because we just didn’t know how to keep our room clean. We were forced to do things for hours. It is no wonder when we got out on our own that we rebelled against any cleaning at all.

Well sweetie, we all deserve to live in a home that comforts us. It doesn’t matter if we never have anyone come over. You come home and this home is your sanctuary. I know when my home was at its worst, I was too. My home was just a symptom of the clutter that was in my brain.

I think that the straw that broke the camel’s back was one evening when my landlord’s mother had a head on car accident in front of my cabin in the middle of nowhere. She was hit by some joy-riding drunk teenagers. The boys fled the scene of the accident into the deep forest. My landlord’s mother grabbed the girls arm. They were both bloody and they hiked up to my driveway to my door. I had to let them in my messy house while I tried to get some cold rags to put on their faces. I called 911 and the emergency crew came along with the sheriff’s deputies. It was getting dark and they were searching for the run-aways in the forest with the dogs. The deputies escorted me home to make sure they were not hiding in my house. They opened by back door and immediately pulled their guns. They thought my house had been ransacked by the kids. I had to tell them that it was not them. This story got published once in a magazine and my mother-in-law could not believe that I had ever been that messy. I had to tell her that it was the truth.

That summer I was very depressed; I could barely get up in the morning. My laundry was the original Mt. WashMore. Dishes were piled high in the sink and I was a total mess. When I look back at those times; I can hardly believe that was me. It was then that I knew something was wrong and I needed some help to deal with my depression. I wanted to live.

I had suffered through a depression six years earlier and I could feel myself falling into that pit of darkness again. I used all the same old excuses; no one ever comes to see me, why should I bother; it is just me. Now that I look back on this with eyes that can see clearer now; I recognize whining and a cry for help.

I deserved to be loved and if no one was ever going to do this for me then I was going to have to learn how to love myself. Loving myself is the hardest thing that I have ever done. But with this love has come some of the greatest rewards.

I got my smile back. I found that I could be content to be alone for the rest of my life. I quit even thinking about my second husband. He was just an eight month mistake. I began to be thankful for even that mistake because it was because of him that we moved to North Carolina. I didn’t know why God had brought me to this wonderful place, but I was determined to stick around and find out.

I had no clue what was in store for me. It was not until I got rid of my clutter (physical and mental) that I discovered my mission in life. I am so thankful for all of those rough roads that I have had to travel. It is those bad times that help me to guide you. I believe with all my heart that each of us has our own personal mission and as long as we are surrounded by clutter that we will never find it.

Get rid of your clutter and make your home that sanctuary that nurtures you! You deserve it!


Still think she's all about cleaning baseboards and organizing your pantry? *grin* Think again.

Take this passage in particular:

"Well sweetie, we all deserve to live in a home that comforts us. It doesn’t matter if we never have anyone come over. You come home and this home is your sanctuary. I know when my home was at its worst, I was too. My home was just a symptom of the clutter that was in my brain."

Now. Substitute "body" references for "home" references:

"Well sweetie, we all deserve to live in a BODY that comforts us. It doesn’t matter if we never have anyone come over. You come home and this BODY is your sanctuary. I know when my BODY was at its worst, I was too. My BODY was just a symptom of the clutter that was in my brain."

Love you, FlyLady!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is GOOD! O.K. Fly Lady I apologize- I thought you were just put your tennies on and scrub your sink daily, lady. Thank You for sharing this! It is very motivating!
    1831 days ago
    Excellent blog- really struck a chord with me- for a lot of reasons.
    Your perspective on this one is awesome....now I think I need to know more about "Fly lady"...have heard her mentioned but not sure what she is??
    1845 days ago
  • SUNSHINE5268
    outstanding... HOW do I find flylady?
    1846 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    I should send over the slob sons I have and then she would have a reason to clean. emoticon If I would live alone my house would look beautiful. emoticon as I clean up as I go. emoticon
    1846 days ago
    Wow, that's pretty awesome. I really like how you cross referenced this with your body! Great info and blog!! emoticon emoticon
    1847 days ago
    Wow, lots to think about here...and it goes along with my path of introspection I have been on...I am stressing myself out to maintain the CHAOS that has become NORMAL, but is not HEALTHY....this is good stuff...
    1847 days ago
    I was just thinking about signing up for FlyLady a few days ago. This is the third time I am reading this blog. You have given me a lot to think about.
    1849 days ago
    Wow! Lots to think about in this one!

    Thanks, Woubbie.
    1850 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    Got love the FlyLady!
    1850 days ago
    WOW...I got chills....thanks for sharing....

    1850 days ago
    Hm...interesting concept. Since I am a neat-freak, my house would never look like that. That doesn't mean my body reflected it though! Thanks for this!
    1850 days ago
  • BLH507
    Great blog!

    1851 days ago
    Whoa, awesome concept, Woubbie! Really liked the cross-over. I actually had that same story for myself: police responded to the alarm malfunctioning while we were away, and thought my upstairs office had been ransacked - I was mortified! This is still a huge family joke at every gathering, hah. ;P Of course, this was in the 90s, long before I discovered FlyLady. She is life-changing. I am going to think more about applying these concepts to health, too, because it is such a natural fit, as you pointed out!
    1851 days ago
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