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Saying No

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

I find it interesting how great health advice is really great life advice. A few days ago, there was a Spark email about how to say no when people offer you food that you know isn't good for you. I glanced over it, thinking, eh, I'm great at that. I don't eat meat, so I am very used to asserting myself when it comes to food.

Today I realized I am terrible at saying no to other things. I'm awful at saying no at work, and I just keep taking on more and more tasks. It's not even like my boss would be particularly upset if I said, "I think I need to step back a bit." I just have all this guilt built up about how I need a flexible schedule to help me deal with my daughter's appointments, and wacky religious holidays, and all sorts of nonesense. I can typically give him an idea of my schedule at the beginning of the week, but it switches up a lot. He's great about being understanding, but the results is I just feel guilt, and volunteer to do anything anyone needs.

It also comes up with my family. I'm an expert at saying no to my kid (or at least the idea of no) because I think it is important for her to have boundaries and structure. But my extended family knows I'll do anything. My cousin (who hasn't returned a phone call in over a year) called me today. She's graduating on Sunday, and wants to stay with her boyfriend at my apartment Saturday night. Mind you, she has a place in the same city, she just thinks our place will be more convenient. So I thought about it and said yes, but I needed her in the house by 10pm so that I didn't have to wait up all night, they had to stay fairly quiet to not wake the baby, and my baby and I would likely wake them up when we come downstairs at 6-7am, as the kid needs milk and medicine in the morning.

She responded that it is her last two weeks in the city, and she HAS to go out on Saturday night, and could not possibly get there by 10pm. I thought for a minute. And I said no. At a certain point I need to assert my needs. It's ok to say No. For my physical and mental health, I need to learn no.

I will make this the month of NO.

Happy May.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you for reminding me how important it is to say no on occasion.
    1870 days ago
    Good for you! I need to work on adding no to my vocabulary more too.
    1873 days ago
    The more you practice saying no when you need to the easier it gets. Trying to please everyone and keep everyone happy all the time only ads STRESS to our lives and prevents us from being who we really want to be.
    1873 days ago
    No is the right word sometimes. It lowers your stress and for me stress equals stress eating. emoticon
    1873 days ago
    i usually say no first, then i think about it. i may change my mind, but don't as a rule. i need my me time.
    1873 days ago
    Good for you! It is healthy to say no when necessary.


    1873 days ago
  • 4KWALK
    You are so right that it is important to say no. At the right times and for the right reasons it is extremely important to say no. Way to go.

    This is an important lesson for so many of us.

    Thanks for the blog.
    1873 days ago
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