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Yes, Age Is Only A Number... But I still Feel Old!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

There are rumors age is "just a number" and I know it's widely said "you are as young as you feel." If the latter is true, I must be 65!

My 32nd birthday is just around the corner and more so than when I hit 30, I'm feeling OLD these days. Loud music annoys me, I'm watching CNN a lot more, listening to talk radio in the car, don't want to go out late at night.... All this is either signs of maturity, or really just the inevitable 'old person' in me taking over. Not that there's anything wrong with CNN, or talk radio, or not driving after dark, but these things to me are synonymous with how I viewed my parents when I was 'young(er)' and yes, I considered them old. I guess we all quantify things differently.

The other night I found myself hurdled into an old person funk and have been trying to coax myself out of it since. While in the kitchen doing dishes, my hubby and I started talking about our plans for the future. I made a comment about wanting to leave all our old, out-dated, dingy kitchen stuff behind when we move; and make a nice big shopping trip to Bed Bath & Beyond to furnish our new place. It occured to me the dishes and 'junk' I was talking about is 'junk' becaues I've had it now for 14 years.... That's when the SHOCK wave hit me. My knees literally buckled and I had to brace myself on the counter. Say-WHA? I've had this junk for 14 YEARS? Dear god. I know people older than me are going to be telling me to quit my whining I'm not old.... But I have yet to be older, so this is old to me LOL.

This conversation about our old out-dated kitchen junk then segwayed into our oldest son (13) chiming in, saying "How do you think I feel?" As if I'm supposed to feel sorry for his young, unaged, un-sullied soul. LOL. That then sparked a conversation with him about girls, and dating, and a birds-and-the-bees-esque talk.... Okay, if I wasn't feeling old BEFORE, I definatley was now... I could have benefited from a paper bag to breath into at that point. As if that wasn't bad enough then came the talks about school. By the time I finish, I will be 37 years old. That is actually what made me the most depressed. The icing on the cake was the humor my husband found in my distress of feeling old. He asked me, after all this, if I'd like a glass of prune juice, and if I should be expecting menopause to kick in any day... LOL.

I don't wear mom jeans yet, I still like Pit Bull, I'm still known to tie one on relatively frequently, I'm not hitting up the blue-blocker store, or senior discount nights yet... But feeling like here I am at 32 just STARTING college, with 5 years before I actually start my career made me sad.. Maybe not sad, but regretful. Regretful I didn't start this sooner, when I wasn't saddled with two kids and three jobs, when I was actually capable of pulling all-nighters and still funcitoning the next day. Ce-la-vie right? It is what it is and I have to make the best of it.

I'm happy and thankful for so many things. I am ready to move forward and am really excited for the future. I'm not totally okay with how 'old' I'm feeling these days, but hopefully our girls weekend to the Casino to see Thunder From Down Under next weekend will make me feel like a boy crazed, wild, immature teenager again :)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    40 is the new 20!!! Kids will be out of the house (or close) and you will have a new fascinating career with some nice benefits. Think about all the trips and fun stuff you will get to do while still being young enough to enjoy it :)

    It'll all be worth it promise!
    1878 days ago
  • RN2B77
    I completely understand how you feel! When I turned 30, I went through a two week depression, crying and all. This year I turn 36!! I'm scared to death...I am now closer to being 40 emoticon . Sometimes I just feel so old.

    I was giggling about you needing a paper bag to breath into, my son is almost 14 yrs old....this scares the crap out of me LOL.

    Try not to ponder to much on being 37 when you finish will find a lot of older people looking to start new careers when you get back into school. I was in shock when I started the nursing program at my community college...more than half of us were older than 30, some even in their 50s, and a lot of men also. I was really surprised. I too regret not finishing college early in life but hey, everything happens for a reason : ) You will be done school and working before you know it!!!!

    Oh, and did I mention how jealous I am of your upcoming girls weekend?? Have fun!!! emoticon

    1879 days ago
    I love your blog post! I am an "old" young person. I've been married for almost 6 years (and I'm only 26!) and I've been submersed in education/career ever since. I don't drink/party, I listen to Talk Radio on my daily commute, I read the classics and I'm a political junkie. I work out and count calories when I have time. LOL. Doesn't my life sound exciting?!

    Really though, life is good! Life is great! I'm already seeing how all of those sacrifices have paid off and I'm only 6 years into my twenties. I'm sure that the sacrificies I make will continue to reap rewards throughout my life. Getting your degree will pay off and your "older" interests will pay off too. Believe in yourself and BELIEVE that the things you are doing are worth it and will provide you with satisfaction soon AND once you actually ARE old... which you're not right now. I have to remind myself why I'm doing things sometimes :-)

    P.S. Thanks for the shout out and spark goody :) You're sweet!!
    1880 days ago
    I just turned 30 and I've been having a pretty hard time coping with it. I'm not at all where I'd like to be and I still don't even know where I'd like to be. I feel like I wasted so much time in my 20s being fat and doing nothing and letting life pass me by and I panic sometimes that its too late now. I wish it didn't bother me so much.
    1880 days ago
    We have a lot of similarities though I'm older - I'm 40, I have a 19 year old (soon to be 20!), I went back to school in my 30s (and am still paying school loans at 40!) and I have to tell you, I wouldn't change a thing. I really thought that 40 would be difficult mentally but it wasn't - I feel great. I'm smarter, healthier, and happier than I've ever been. Going back to school as an adult really helped put things in perspective for me - I was taking classes that I was truly interested in and I was willing to buckle down and study. It was really rewarding. Sure my interests have changed but from where I sit right now, I would say that they've changed mostly for the better. As for the dishes, when my son got his first apartment last summer I gave him all of my old stuff (which is stuff that dated back to my teens) and finally bought new stuff. That, too, was great.
    1880 days ago
    Pfft... I've been listening to NPR in the car since I was 24 or so. I am a news / current events junkie. And Diane Rehm is a goddess.

    If it gives you any comfort, I knew several "non-traditional" students in college who were getting their educations in their 40s. Of course it was hard for them, since they had to deal with school, jobs, and kids all at once... but they made it. So can you!
    1880 days ago
    What I try to do is remember what made me see other people as old and try not to do it :)
    I feel old sometimes, too. My parents keep "wishing" me to find a good boyfriend because "now it's time to focus on my personal life". I think it's getting weird for them that I'm not in a serious relationship for about 2 years. They think I'm too old to keep my focus on my studies :P

    So, no matter what, there will always be somebody who thinks you are too young or too old to do something. Just enjoy your days and be happy that we are getting old emoticon
    1880 days ago
    I have moments of feeling OLD too... like when I get tired after only 3 hours of shopping (I used to be able to stay at the mall ALL DAY and forget to eat!) Or wanting to go to bed at 11pm! LOL And yes, I too listen to TALK radio! HA HAHA! (It's Cosmo radio on Sirius though, does it still count as fuddy-duddy???)

    As for school... you will be much more focussed this time in your life. Imagine trying to juggle a social life, exams, acne, and all the lovely hormones as a 20 something! I am sure you'll come out with way MORE since you waited to go back to school now, in your mature years!

    You'll be the one all the kids want to sit beside! Because you will know ALL the answers because you studied AND got sleep the night before your tests!! :)
    1880 days ago
    I turned 34 in January, and honestly I love my 30's!!! A lot of wonderful stuff happened in my 20's, I became a mother, I got married, I bought a house etc. But 30's is more about me and and my boys are growing and we can do so many wonderful fun things now that they are older.

    At least you have a plan for your future, I still don't know what I want to do when I "grow up"!

    Have fun at Thunder from Down Under!
    1880 days ago
  • LYNSEY723
    Think about it this way - at least you are going after your dreams! You'd regret it more later in life if you did not! In the end you will have the job you wanted all these years and that's what matters!
    1880 days ago
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