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I know why I am fat. Do you? (read with caution)

Monday, April 29, 2013

I know why I am fat.
I will tell you why.
But I will not just come out and tell you
you will have to do is read on........

To come clean with you it will be a puzzle.
It may confuse you,
It may anger you,
It might make you sad,
You might have to read it again to make the pieces fit.
or you may not even get it at all.
All you have to do is read on.........

Hush! I will protect you from all that is bad
Eyes bright in the day
Scream if you must
Eyes dark as death at night.

Required to shower
Lock the door
No use still finds away in

Aww...sleep beautiful sleep.
Dreams of peace
Knowing the demon of cold is close
Eyes closed, pretending...tears gives me away

I pray...not even god will want to be witness.
Choice of Dark or Light? why must it talk?
I pray....God I beg....just tonight please just be with me.
Choice of alone or camera? Why must it talk?
I pray...God just let it be flesh.
Choice of broom handle or the fist with the glove? Why must it talk?
I pray....God take me with you. Let me be by your side.
I never die. Always alone. God doesn't exists.

"You are so beautiful. I am doing this so you can remember me."
Teeth to my developing chest.
"Most women don't bleed from their nipples. But I am making you special."
Teeth to my developing chest.
"Just taking preventive measures to make sure no other living soul will suck on these."
Teeth to my developing chest.

I can not walk through the valley of light or dark with out thinking of you.
My body is scard because of you.
My mind is worse all due to you.
You stripped me of letting me nourish my own child.
"I am doing this so you will remember me."
Are you satisfied?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MZLADY77
    God loves you very much...Will pray for you! emoticon
    2720 days ago
    Miranda, I can't add much that is different to those who've commented. You really do have a talent with words... you write beautifully but your pain is evident. Honey, all I can do is encourage you - don't give up on God. He really is there for you - Jesus wants to heal, save and restore your life and your family. I'm not talking about in heaven someday. God has promised to help us and take care of us on earth, in our lives here. Reach out to Him and He will make a way. Although I haven't had your specific experiences, I've been through my own pain and bad times, and Jesus lifted me out of the mess and helped me find my way. Sending love and hugs to you. Hold on Miranda. Don't give up. Hugs, Karen
    2720 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13669487
    Oh yeah, I forgot, I know why I am fat. I am fat from all the prior drug use I did for one. I then turned to food for comfort to subdue the pain and anguish from my deadbeat boyfriend who only cared for his drugs which turned me more to drugs and food to ease the pain until I was numb. I didn't want to feel anything and food became my drug as well. Although I do not live like this anymore, the effects of it are still staring me in the face. Wow, when I look at myself now, I see my haunted past. Sorry for spilling my guts out here.
    2734 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13669487
    BRANDICE84 said it best.

    I was an atheist and didn't believe Jesus existed either. I suffered from abuse from my ex boyfriend addict as well, although not this . I realized though that I had to take my eyes off from the man who hurt me and his sins and look at my own depravity and sinful nature towards Christ. I let him in and he healed me. What ever happens now in my life, no one will ever separate me from the love of God! Why? God says so in Romans 8:32-39 as a child of God.

    I will be praying for the salvation for your entire family daily and have my church pray as well. He needs to be saved to change. I don't do drugs anymore either.
    2734 days ago
    I'm so sorry for the trauma you suffered. No one should ever have to experience anything like that. You are mistaken a bit though. God does exist, and He is a just God. And one day the person who did this to you will meet their Maker. An account will have to be given and punishment will be handed down. And this awful person will suffer for what they did to you. This trauma can not simply be put behind you, but neither should you allow this person to ruin your future for you either. I'm sure it seems like the last thing you would ever want to do, but you can turn to God, and if you let Him, He will help you heal. I'm praying for you.

    Your words are dark and filled with sorrow, but the way you use them is beautiful. I hope that you know that you have a tallent. I hope you'll continue to write, expelling everything horrible from you. Maybe your words can help you heal... I don't know. I will be thinking of you.
    2734 days ago
    That is so sad. I agree it is the worst abuse. I am praying for you.
    2734 days ago
    It is ok you didn't have to comment. But thank you that you did!
    2734 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10356350
    I don't even know what to say, except I know there is a God and he loves you very much. Don't ever confuse love with what you have described - that is abuse of the worst kind! Praying for you!
    2735 days ago
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