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I’ve been releasing issues for a few years now, and the breakthrough of my full release started with my hair. I know we are not our hair, and we are not our skin, but still –my release started with my hair.
I was going through some things and I felt I needed a change.
The big chop at that time seemed to be the answer for me, so I cut off all my hair. I didn’t mind doing it –because I’ve done this before. Hair has never been an issue for me… Well I thought it wasn’t but it sure in hell was.
I’ve went from2003 locs to releasing them in 2007 to weaves overnight.
I felt alright, but I felt that was part of my new lease on life. I had this new body, and I was loving myself at 145-150 pounds, but it didn’t last long. 2009 brought about many changes.
Well, my body flipped on me –maybe because I flipped on myself. I don’t know! But everything started to slowly fall apart after chopping my locs off in 2007. I had this new body, I was engaged and I found myself living a lie; because to be honest with you. I sure in hell didn’t like myself.
That relationship ended in 09.
Found myself in another one very quickly.
I met the love of my life and found myself engaged again 2009 was no joke.
I was a fast mover. I was on the move!
I didn’t want to live or die alone- and I was on a fast track to fatville.
Everything felt right, but still I was slipping.
In 2010 we got a house.
In 2010 I cut off all my hair again.
In 2011 we got married.
In 2011 I went on ahead and twisted up my afro and went pro-loc.
My life started to click again –not only that. I was still popping off in all kinds of directions –struggling to lose weight, struggling to grab hold of myself, but most of all –struggling to rid myself of the past.
Then my 2012 breakthroughs came with many break downs of who I was.
~1 I found myself living a mental lie. Yes! I said a mental lie.
I had changed myself for all the wrong reasons back in 2007, and I found myself reflecting on my hair once again.
What made me do it? You know! Change my hair to keep that man.
I mean, it’s funny now that I think back on it. He said. You should cut your hair and do something nice to go along with that new body.
I reflected on that. But I didn’t know he was trying to make me look like every girl he’d met. He even paid for my hair-doos, and invested in new clothes too –but still I wasn’t happy with myself at all.
Then after the reflections of my past stop washing over me. I found myself in tears; because it hit me. It was all about my hair.
I didn’t mind being nappy or black.
I didn’t mind wearing no makeup, but the ex-boyfriend loved it a lot.
He would shower me with gifts for keeps. And tell me I was the one his soul always seek and as I think back I can LOL; because this man was trying to do me like a build a bear workshop –but instead of a bear it was the perfect woman.
Now I’m Loc-Diva to my Loc-Prince My husband.
Now I’m the perfect reflection of my very own soul; because this is me and I am now one.
locs round 2 for my husband
locs round 2 for me. As you can see we been here before.
Now I can enjoy my life worry free.
I don’t mind my hair getting wet.
It doesn’t cost my husband a thing –just a box of dye from time to time, and I really do enjoy the essence of me.
My husband said one thing that made me really reflect tonight and what he said to me was priceless.
A woman who can wear natural hair is a woman of pure black beauty.
I love the fact that you’re recognizing who you are and how you stay true to yourself –even if you drive me crazy –but crazy in a good way.
So, there you have it.
This is why I had to release and get back to me.
Peace and Blessings!