The splurge...

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Ok, so, after staying strong for an ENTIRE MONTH - I caved. I don't feel like this was a necessary activity but I can definitely say that it satisfied the serious hunger and sweet-tooth that I'd been battling. Granted, it may yet defeat me but -so far- I feel really good today. I'm less hungry (I've been ravenous the past week in the morning) and I don't crave the open chocolate bar on my table right now (seriously, I've been glancing at it all morning and don't want it one bit).

Here's what happened. My husband and I used to, all the time, get bored and think that we should go out to eat! It was an absolute favorite treat. Unfortunately, because it was driven from boredom and days off, it was a pretty regular thing. So, this month, we've had pizza twice but stayed within our calories, eaten out at McDonald's once -again stayed within our calories but we won't do that again because it seriously upset our stomachs- and we haven't eaten out at a nice restaurant or had desserts the entire month! This has been a hard battle! Breaking the habit was challenging and so, last night, we gave in - to the desserts.

It all started when we saw the S'mores cup recipe on FB. Darn FB! There is always food posted there - yet another reason why I should stay off of it more. We LOVE s'mores. There is just something about reminiscing about childhood and campfires. This recipe didn't involve a fire and it may or may not be better on calories than an actual s'more. I'm not sure. What I do know is last night we made a recipe of 12, for the two of us. I ended up eating 4 of them and, at the time, thought they were about 200 calories a piece. (THEY WERE SO GOOD, I can't even deny it. I loved every single bite) I really did get down on myself about it though. Honestly, when I started eating them, I really was hungry. I had nearly 200 calories left in my reserve for the day and thought "there is one, for free"! Then I ate 3 more. So, my thought process went "okkk so there goes today's AND yesterday's workouts, combined to account for those 3". Not healthy thoughts, I have to admit.

So what did I do? Today I promptly woke up and stepped on the scale. BLASTED THING! If there is anything I have an addiction to (other than my love of chocolate) it is probably the scale. I'm not going to make ANY assumptions of what I'll weigh tomorrow but all I know is that the scale HAS gone down from my last week's weigh in. Is it a big drop? No. But I just keep saying to myself "it is a journey, not a race". Then, I sat down at my computer and calculated the actual calories of my treats from last night. Instead of 200 calories, I was surprised to find that they are 163! Okay, so, that isn't much of a difference but it is a difference to me. It IS the difference between eating 800 calories last night and actually consuming 655. Which means, I didn't go over my diet as much as I had been assuming. That is some weight off of my shoulders. So, combined with my sneak peak at the scale and the actual calorie count - I don't feel AS guilty. ALSO, victory #2 with the splurge goes to my husband. I thought he finished off the other 8 cups but I opened my fridge this morning to find 2 in a storage container. WOW. This would have NEVER happened before. We would have just splurged and gorged the entire day away. Not picked one treat and then had LEFTOVERS from it. Go him! I am so proud :D

Like I said, this was my "monthly" splurge. I'm not going to plan for my splurges but I think that if I have to have one, I'm going to limit it to ONCE a month. So far, with my current plan, once a month is when I start to get ravenous. I started to break down and was really hungry at night. I don't drink soda, even diet, but found myself heading to the fridge to get a coke zero from my husband's reserves to curb my cravings. So, to me, I seriously needed this splurge. Call it lack of resolve or bad judgement because it could maybe lead me back into the path of sugar but ... I'm human and I just can't hate myself for it. If I let myself keep thinking negative thoughts about it, I will defeat myself.

So, here I am. Pouring it all out to sparkpeople. Because I'm human. Because I need to get my struggle out there. Because I need accountability. Because I DO feel bad but I DON'T feel like this is going to ruin my whole week. Was it smart to do it two days before weigh in? No but maybe I'll just see bigger weight loss next week - who knows? It isn't Sunday yet! :) All I know is that Sunday.. the next week.. the next month is going to come whether I splurge...diet.. don't splurge.. which means that I should just pick up today and keep going. Maybe I'll push a little harder today then I think I can when doing my ZCUT #4... either way.. what is done is done and today is a new day :)

Speaking of ZCUT #4... I have on my calendar from the first week that it is hard and that I had to do "girl" pushups after a couple of rounds. Maybe I won't do girl pushups today? Maybe I'll be able to push through... I'm going to try :D

Well, thanks for listening - reading. I really needed to get it off of my shoulders. I'm still excited for my weigh and tape on Sunday :)

I hope that this helped some of you guys that are feeling guilty - if only in giving you comfort that I have splurges too. But, really, don't feel guilty. Just pick up and move on! Remember, we can do this! 1 bad day is NOT going to ruin all my hard work for the week. It just WON'T. No matter what the scale tells me... or what my head comes up with. I'm banishing negative thoughts! I'm going to get up, clean up, and WORKOUT. Today is MY DAY and I'm going to make it WHAT I WANT.

Go out there and seize your day :) Until later when I tell you of the horror of ZCUT #4 revisited ;) haha
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