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Weight of Fear Part II

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Success: I did 10 minutes of light strength training at home (squats, crunches, curls, etc) tonight and tracked all my calories for the day.

This evening, it took a lot of control to convince myself not to eat everything in sight. I'm really proud of myself for having a snack before deciding what else I needed to eat, and then increasing slowly until I could convince myself I had enough. It worked perfectly and I stopped eating right about the 1500 calorie (for the day - not just tonight, phew) mark.

I posted a week ago about my fears of being laid off: www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
. This afternoon at work, one of the higher ups admitted for the first time that layoffs are coming. I also learned that they weren't planning on giving people any notice and that "imminent action" was required by our division. So, while i was previously praying to have a job through August, now I'm praying to get at least one more pay check.

I'm terrified.

Those two words hardly capture the inner tempest stirred by my boss's words. I feel like I'm playing Russian Roulette.

As soon as the reality of this hit me, I realized just how slow I have been to take it seriously. My mind was swirling with all the things I should have done months ago. Would all my efforts to protect myself be too little too late? Is there a chance I wont find myself on the chopping block? Could I be among the few who management decides to keep? I don't like my odds.

So this weekend, I will try to send out applications for anything remotely plausible, look for a part-time job I might be able to start immediately, and complete my LinkedIn profile. I'll also be cleaning like a fiend, trying to get my house in order - for one, it will help my mental state, and for another, it will help make sure I can vacate as quickly as possible, if that's what it comes down to.

And not one more dollar can go to something unnecessary. No more $1.95 sodas from the cafe in my building. Beyond that, I need to for recipes to use up every last thing in my pantry. All those lentils aren't going to do me any good if I no longer have a stove to cook 'em on, and now at least I can buy an onion and mix them with spices I have to make them tasty.

All of these things take time, so basically my life right now only has room for the following activities: showing up to the office, exercising, food prep, and doing what I can to find a job, save money, or make money.

I keep telling myself that this could be a dramatic opportunity (necessity) to completely redefine my life. I just need to survive....and not use any of this as an excuse to lose focus on my exercise and nutrition goals.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I sorry that you are facing this. Just waiting is stressful in itself. You seem to have the right attitude. Getting your house and resume in order, budgeting carefully and not losing sight of your healthy goals.
    1821 days ago
    emoticon It's hard when life is filled with so much uncertainity - especially when that uncertaintiy is whether or not you will be getting a next paycheque. It sounds like you are taking positive actions. emoticon
    1821 days ago
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