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I enter the hospital as a patient and exit a spoon thief?

Friday, April 26, 2013

I was feeling REALLY messed up yesterday. A bad mixture/cocktail/pharmaceutica
l blend if you will. One of those drugs sent me into a series of weird moments with my cool pain doctor saying 'Bren! Bren! Can you open your eyes for a minute?!' commands.
I couldn't.
I was in a weird coma-bored-to-tears-ish- 'I can hear you but I cannot reply' chapter of my stay. And I was stuck in it from 8:00 pm on Tuesday through yesterday (Thursday) around 2:00 pm.
I was sleeping but not sleeping. It was weird and NOT fun. My asking for help in between digging through the mental cotton candy fog was scary.
And in the end, boom: "the surgery site seems to have gotten infected and we have to stop treatment and send you home until it heals". What?!
"Then we should bring you in and start again". Huh?!
Ahem, sorry. So we quietly went home with loads of ice packs and some soft tears.
I feel fragile and messed with.

My main pain doctor (we will call him Old Guy) was warned by the younger pain doctor (Senior Cool) for almost two days that the surgery site looked infected and irritated. 'No no, lets keep up with the desensitization exercises and see if we can't make some progress before performing a new surgery'. Senior Cool would clench his teeth and look at us with sad eyes.
He was mad.
We were mad.
I was wrung out.
There was nothing he could do w/out Old Guy's go-ahead. I get it. The hierarchy sucked on my side. But we couldn't make Old Guy do anything, right? What a bummer that my main pain doctor lady was on a much needed weekend trip with her daughter. She would not have let this happen. No way.

Now I feel like I have to heal up to be beaten down again. the doctors will have a collective pow wow and decide when to bring me in next for treatment. I am hopeful that will be when I am not already in a nerve flare. Things are really tough then on all of us. My veins don't cooperate with the IV's, the sheets hurt, the lights hurt, the food...well, you already know that hospital food kinds 'hurts' (ick).
So unfortunately I am home and feeling a bit worse for wear from when I came in. But I am still happy to be home. I am snarkier though, so look out! : )

But I feel like a bit of a disease-riddled criminal! I was unpacking my little hospital caddy and noticed that I had brought home 2 metal spoons. Eeks!

See, sometimes the cafeteria person would deliver my jello and forget the spoon (or even worse, it would be a dirty spoon!!!), so I had a couple of spoons on hand just in case, right? Well. I guess I brought them home accidentally. I feel awful! Am I headed to spoon jail? Hee Hee.

I look like I got in a knife fight though from the bandage on the front of my neck with the massive jugular IV welts, and the back of my neck with the infected oozy epidural catheter. Yummy.

And heck, i got the back of my neck waxed for free, FOUR times in 24 hours! Woohoo!

The reasoning behind the catheter was to numb my arms entirely. Then the phys therapy doc would come and tell me to put my hands in dry rice and beans to get my hands to mellow out. I would squeeze play dough and pick up beads and rocks. Seems simple, but I needed to learn to do it when it didn't hurt (while numb) so I could tell myself that I could do it later, with the daily constant pain.
But since only my left hand was getting coverage from the drugs and my muuuuch worse right hand was getting nothing, it stunk!
Therapy on one hand while the right hand festered with swelling and lesions was a bear. Almost an insult to my right hand. My leftie was saying, 'ha ha, look what I can do!' The drugs would also ultimately treat the pain flare, even if only for the time I was in the hospital. It could have potentially kicked down the wall of flare for a few days or a week. So I went for it. The things you do you when desperate I guess?

Anyway, I wanted to thank you all for the support and for the laughs while I was in the joint. I love you and lean on you all so much at times. And you let me. Thank you!!!

Now what do I do about those spoons? Mail them? : )

'Nuff said.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What an ordeal!! I wouldn't worry about the spoons -- no doubt they'll just bill you for them. emoticon
    2015 days ago
  • MILLIE5522
    You should consider those spoons as medals for extraordinary courage .....or you could melt them down and make them into earrings (hey not such a mad idea as I have a silver fork which has been made into a bangle!) emoticon

    2015 days ago
    Oh, I am so sorry and I apologize I did not know as I was not getting your blogs!
    First, I think the spoons are souvenirs, and yours to keep!
    Secondly, I hope you heal and can get relief!
    Your courage is amazing!
    If I can lighten your load, please let me know!
    Love & Hugs,
    2018 days ago
    'Spoon jail' emoticon
    Leave it you, my beautiful friend, to make me smile no matter what you're going through.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2027 days ago
    I don't know if you know the spoon theory, but if you have a chronic condition, you should!


    Sounds like you have a couple of good momentos for your hospital stay. I'd keep them, especially if the spoon theory resonates with you.

    2030 days ago
    Oh, yes...keep the spoons. I think you have so earned them!
    You just keep doing all the things that have to be done to get you through each day. And what you show all of us is an incredibly beautiful sense of humor and whatever joy you can find in things that would have me on my knees begging for mercy, just a little here...K??? I am sending as much moral support and love as I can shove into the keyboard and into these words. And I'm punching pins into an Old Guy doll as we speak....don't think me awful here...

    Thank you soooo much for the applause, you don't know how much it was needed and appreciated! Lately I've been feeling a bit like I'm "tesitfyin'" (is that a word? or just mine?) just a bit too much in my little corner of the world, and my friends and co-workers are tired of hearing my voice. So I've cut it back and that makes me feel kinda oooky too. And if this is worst thing that happens to my day I think I better look at just what I am crying about here...

    Know how much love is being sent to you, by an amazing number of people who would all take a turn for you if only we could.

    You are emoticon !!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2031 days ago
    As usual you totally amaze me!! You're my hero! I would say start a spoon collection and start swiping them from everywhere you go. It could make a lovely conversation piece. You take care of yourself and know that you're always in my prayers!
    2031 days ago
    Absolutely keep the spoons. emoticon

    You look breath-taking in your photo at the bottom. Clear skin, natural - beautiful smile. I love it.
    2031 days ago
    Bren Sweetie. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I wish there was something I could do for you to make everything better.

    You are my inspiration.
    You truly are!

    Oh' I would keep the spoons.
    2031 days ago
    Praying for healing emotionally and physically. Chris
    2032 days ago
    I hadn't read your blog before I sent you the goodie. I didn't know that you had gone through that comma situation and couldn't have the surgery. Wish I could do something to make your pain go once and for all. I love your sense of humour and the smile on your face on your photo! You are a beautiful woman inside and outside. Stay positive and keep smiling! I am thinking of you!
    emoticon emoticon
    2033 days ago
    Actually, pain will cause that weird coma too. I have helped my healing and pain management along by listening and meditating to 528 HZ meditation waves and music. Usually 30 minutes in the morning while I catch up on SP and then 10 before bed. I hope you can find some relief soon. I also pray for wisdom from your doctors next therapy session.
    2033 days ago
    Girl, if you needed a spoon that bad I could've sent you one! emoticon (that's the best spoon they have) emoticon
    I officially hate that doctor too BTW. emoticon
    2033 days ago
    Really sorry to hear about what you've gone through (especially being sent home pre-maturely). As always, I hope that you heal and heal soon.

    I really enjoy your sense of humor in your writing.

    You know that I appreciate your friendship.

    emoticon emoticon

    "Now what do I do about those spoons? Mail them? : ) "
    * Now have I ever given you bad advice before ;)? That being said...

    So here's what *I* would suggest. Show up at the hospital, spoons in hand, wearing the following:
    - a black winter hat
    - a nose ring
    - really dark lipstick
    - a faded ringer graphic tshirt over a long sleeve thermal
    - either loose cargoes or courderoys
    - Doc Martins

    Go up to the front desk with a spaced out look on your face. Put the spoons on the desk. Look the person at the desk dead in the eyes and say, "WHOAH, BRO! That fro-yo was AWESOME!!!!

    Then turn around and walk out as the person at the desk processes it all, leaving the spoons on the desk.

    That's what I would do anyway. The key is to make them too scared or confused to talk with you.
    2034 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/27/2013 9:43:43 PM
    Personally, I'd keep the spoons. You've paid for them a million times over. I'm sure they have to resupply lots anyways.

    You poor girl. I hate it when my Doctor is away too. There are times, because they know you, when a person is being pushed too far. That old guy didn't know you. He might have seen how others reacted and just took it for granted that's the way you would. So not true.

    You're such a trooper. Glad to be here for you, if only that were enough.

    2034 days ago
  • LGAR519
    I think of you often when I'm having a bad day. You are my Hero!! Keep the Darn spoons!
    2034 days ago
    I just keep looking at the last picture of you smiling and I just gaze in amazement with your unbelievable ability to find the humorous side in every one of your hospital "adventures". I only wish I could stop all this pain for you right here and now. We are the ones who should be thanking you for teaching us lessons of strength and positivity every single day!
    I hope you're feeling a little better today. I'm sending you a huge hug!!
    2035 days ago
    Damn, BREN, you are one tough broad! At least you are home with the MR. And the pets, especially sweeet Olive. I, too, like Fannie, wish I could take a turn for you!
    Keep the spoons, get a complete set. Its the least you should get.
    2035 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    Hi beautiful. Keep those spoons, and pack them in your overnight bag. You will need them - no spoons or dirty spoons?! Sheesh. Details, details, people - when someone is in pain, little things matter. Bring the woman a clean jello spoon! Oh, honey. I so wish you did not have to endure all this and that the people who are doing these procedures were all as tuned in to you as the "cool" doc. How are you right now? Any relief at all? Oh, sweetpea, I wish I could take a turn for you.
    2035 days ago
    Sorry you had such an ordeal. I hope things start to improve for you soon! emoticon
    2035 days ago
    You really are my hero. You go through all of that and still find a bright side, "free back waxing" and two "lovely" spoons. emoticon
    I'm so sorry the procedure was not the success you needed and we all hoped for. emoticon (cool hugs from Snowman Steve)
    2035 days ago
    Whoa girl, what an ordeal! emoticon

    You are always amazing with your sense of humor no matter the pain you are going through. Honestly, what a spirit!

    Hospitals are the worst. I have to stay in 72 hours after birth because I am group B strep positive and between the pre and after, I just dread every freaking hour. In fact, it's one of the reasons I don't go into labor, because I hate the stupid stay! I have already started to prep myself but now I have something to really focus on, I will think of all that you go through just to knock down some serious pain and I will be grateful and less whiney.

    Seriously, the irony in waxing and re-waxing, poking and re-poking someone in pain only to do it again???!!! I don't blame you one bit for feeling beat up and you go on and be a bit more snarky, you earned that long ago!!!

    Look at that beautiful picture of you smiling!, you really are amazing.
    2035 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/26/2013 8:18:30 PM
    ooh, ooh, you can play "Spoon Man" with your left hand
    2035 days ago
    Isn't there a game that involves eggs and spoons? Maybe smuggle them in when you have to go back so you can play the spoon game in the halls? emoticon

    Seriously, I am so out of the loop as regards your hospital adventures/misadventures. I'm sorry I haven't been there to support. Sounds like this was the epitome of frustration - or perhaps there can be worse? At least you are home with your sweet pup and I'll pray that you heal quickly...

    and that the next round goes better with the Old Guy NOT calling the shots!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2035 days ago
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