Major set back

Friday, April 27, 2007

This hasn't been a good week. I have been on such an emotional rollercoaster I can't stand it. I am stressed a little. Being newly wed , marriage life, unemployment and adjusting to life in a new country, being lonely and not being able to drive or see my family , I just have been in a funk. Those wonderful 4 pounds I lost, I gained back. I at least vent my feelings of frustration at Karate. But I feel I need my yoga mat and my Buddha more then ever. I wish before the Gods I could beat this emotional eating-bindge eating disorder. My poor husband can only take so much of me as I don't want to ruin my marriage. WHY can't I eat like a normal person, little portions and be happy with it. Of all additictions in life why is my curse food?? well at least it isn't drugs or alcohol but it isn't any easier. my weight goes up and down. I try to be positive but it is hard sometimes.
I am just sick of being over weight and fighting with my body like it's the enemy. My husband says I just need to loose one more stone or 14lbs. I look at myself and see the need to loose at least another 30lbs. maybe 125-130 is unrealistic for me I am 5' 7" medium build. I want to look like the women in my yoga journal mag. maybe with practice and patience and eating little bits I will but I am 32 years old not getting any younger and I am still at odds with my weight I just want to wave the white flag and submit and make peace with myself only I just don't know how. well that's my raving, my thoughts, my soul typing out it's frustrations. I think right now I am going to get up go to my altar chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo light candles pray, and do a few asanas meditate and try to feel better.
In light and love
Om Shanti
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