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Maybe it's the full moon...

Thursday, April 25, 2013

(Warning: this blog isn't my usual mix of cheerful and snide )

...but I just can't seem to get myself together today.

I woke at my usual 6:30, but because I knew the house would be freezing (don't ask) I stayed huddled in the bed with Lucy (the dog) and KayKay ( the cat who sleeps on my head), reading and generally putting off the inevitable. Finally rolled out about 9:00.

Proceeded to do absolutely nothing other than drink a mug of coffee and eat a handful of walnuts for the next FOUR HOURS. I have plenty to do, but no will or desire to tackle any of it. Halfhearted Sparking, some staring into space. I have to (as in MUST) go out at some point today, because I'm out of cat food.

Finally took Lucy for a nice long ramble - although FitBit only acknowledges 2800+steps, WE thought it was a nice long ramble. We went in the grove where the people are buried (supposedly - and over 200 years ago), spoke with the faeries, looked to see if the wild onions are ready (almost), sat on the twin boulders (my late husband John and I had each claimed one) and looked for spring. I wanted to somehow drag the boulders up to the lawn, but realized today that that isn't going to happen. They're each the size of a large lounge chair, and that's the part ABOVE the ground. So we said our good-byes, because they're in the parcel that will be sold. We went through lots of places you can only go in late April and early May, because everything is still flattened down from winter - later on it'll be too scrubby for walking.

Selling 100 or so acres was the only alternative to moving altogether, and it's a great solution for everyone. I get to stay and have some money and a good 60 acres, the lovely Amish family has a place to live and farm and cut wood, and generally God's in His heaven. It makes perfect sense. On paper. In my head.

I guess somebody forgot to inform my heart.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Awwwww, I am so sorry, Scooter. I know it will help you, financially, but's so hard to let go of what means so much to you, too. God bless and give you peace, inside and out, with it all. Big hugs your way. emoticon
    1849 days ago
    BIG news!!!
    1850 days ago
    You have had to make a hard decision and you know it is the right one. These memories will remain in your heart and most likely the Amish people would allow you to visit these places occasionally should you feel the need to. I think it is wonderful that you are able to stay. Taking care of 160 acres would be a lot of work. Too much for one person. The money can be spent to make your life a little easier. You will have the money to buy things like cat food and power. We are here for you. We have gone through rough times with you in the past. We care and will be by your side no matter what you face in the future. You are teaching us all how to survive difficult times with humor and grace. We love the person you are. emoticon
    1851 days ago
    emoticon at least it's an Amish couple.
    In my area you would be worried about young adults with blaring stereos
    1851 days ago
    I'm sure selling your land is hard, but it sounds like you are so blessed to be able to stay on your 60 acres. I dream for 1 acre someday! Hope your heart heals and feels balanced with the decision that had to be made.
    1851 days ago
    I think it is only natural that you are grieving the loss of your land. You have your home and 60 acres but you won't have those 100 acres with the memories. It is another loss to endure. Maybe that nice family will let you visit the boulders? Sending you hugs and peace.
    1851 days ago
    It is always hard to make difficult choices. But the one you made will give you some security and you do get to keep your home shared with your husband. As a widow myself, my busband and I built my home together and shared so much in it. I would really hate to give it up. emoticon
    1851 days ago
    emoticon giving up something you love is not easy.. while getting to stay is Awesome. I hope you get a few more moments on your boulders before your final goodbye. I guess think of the peace they have given and your moments of joy rather than the goodbye that is to come.

    1851 days ago
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