My Imaginary Life
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Does anyone remember the very old 'album' "How to live with yourself, or what to do until the psychiatrist comes". By Dr. Murry Banks? I must have heard that at an impressionable age, as points from the Dr/Comedian, pop up frequently in my head. His definition of an optimist child who is digigng through a box of manure with the mindset, "Where there is manure, there MUST be a pony!" still cracks me up.
Just found myself seriously looking online for a therapist. None within an hours drive. Wish I could find one online so I don't actually have to plan to leave the house. I've been working out a bit more regularly. Weighed in at 152.6 this morning, but battling the stress bug. Grey and rainy here, new neighors are cutting down all their trees on the property line and that makes me sad. Sadder still, I think they are likely to try and start some problems for us, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I have been in a serious stress shopping mode. Complusive online ebaying. Nothing productive, not anything I need or should really spend money on. Purses, there I said it!
Trying to give myself a mental smackdown because I am shopping for my 'imaginary life' again. Outfits and things for when I take a vacation, or go sit in a cafe, or go to a nice resturant, etc, etc. In reality, I am full time care giving to my old mom, she is staying with us and I know she is not going to get any better, in terms of caring for herself. She can't get around much at all, so getting her out of the house and draggin her aroudn with us isnt' very feasible. My sister who lost her spouse is staying pretty much to herself. She was my fall back for staying at my house with my animals and mom so hubs and I could occassionally get away together. Hubs is planning to go see his own family in Florida and sad that I can't go with him. Frankly, I would rather go somewhere fun (I have to beg to go to a beach or anything but eat while we are there..all they want to do is stil in their houses) but at this point I'd take anything.
Definately need to focus on what I CAN do.....I can take care of myself. I have the time and space to workout. Needed privacy to meditate. Books to read and a working mind to comprehend them. An understanding that no matter how stressful, this life woudl seem like a miraculous dream if a third world woman woke up in my place, could turn on a tap for clean water, had every physical need fulfilled, etc. Need to refocus and appreciate the NOW, since NOW is all we ever really have. And while I am at it, I need to calm down my imaginary life shopper!! Ugh.