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Fragile - day 1

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

So here I am, finally back in the blogging, sparking, healthy lifestyle world.
New starts are so dang difficult though!! But what other options do I have??? Giving up isn't one of them as my friend Eowyn likes to remind me, and she'd kill me if I did... so I dragged myself on the train again and give that JABBA monster some good kicking!!!

I feel so very vulnerable and fragile though. This invasion has been... well, an invasion and even though I enjoyed eating like a pig (isn't that weird how much fun it can be to stuff yourself stupid???) I paid a heavy price... my guts hurts basically constantly, so I was grumpy most of the time, just wanting to read my book... my folks were really great though and they let me be. The weather was rather grey and wet as well, which didn't help to tempt me to go outside and move my booty, so for 5 days I hardly did any exercise and ate, not binging exactly, just grazing this and that and everything, and it is ou so easy to fall back into being lazy and sluggish... not that I like it, yet it seems to be my default mode. At times I wondered if I'd actually learned anything in the last 3 1/2 months... I mean, how can you throw everything healthy and smart over board just like that??? I was a loose cannon, sleeping poorly and eating... well... crap!!

Well, so here I am again... day one yet once again... feeling around for help, how can I get going, kicking and fighting that binge monster??? Still feel absolutely lazy and drained and tired and actually NOT hungry...

So, I survived day one. I didn't do any exercise though... but tomorrow, tomorrow... tomorrow I'll have an appointment with Jillian Michaels again.

Yet the feeling of being absolutely fragile remains. We're going up to Perth yet once again on Saturday for 5 days. Hubby helps out at a camp and he's allowed to bring the family. Food is provided... so it's taken out of my control. Additionally big city temptations are calling... you know, things you just can't get in the country... and it's hubby's birthday too... and with the "failure" of this last trip vividly in my memory I dread this next trip... how can I survive it??Actually I do NOT want to merely survive it but rather experience it as a success... We won't be able to do our morning exercise routine, so I need to think of another way to do my exercise as well, yet if you're so used to a certain routine it's so dang hard to change and be flexible at times...

So, here I am with my fears and failures, being broken and picking up the pieces yet determined to go on...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon emoticon
    1887 days ago
    Like Eleanor said - you still had 4 good months which trumps 5 bad days. 5 out of say 120 days is only 4%! Focus on the amazing things that you HAVE learnt over the past 4 months. You can still do it! We have faith in you!!
    1887 days ago
    I'm so glad you are blogging again, I was considering calling you to give you a stern talking-to :)
    You know what's great though, is that you're not starting all over again. Five bad days don't erase 4 excellent months. All your achievements didn't disappear. You just took a detour and now you're back again. And I know that you're strong enough to make a success of the coming weekend.
    1887 days ago
  • RDEE22
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1887 days ago
    emoticon The first 4 weeks are the hardest, then guess what? after 8 weeks habits start to kick in.

    So if you just keep kicking Jabbas butt, Ms wonderful habit will kick in...and you will have all the help you need.
    1887 days ago
    Visualize yourself as a strong indestructible person that can do anything that he sets her mind to and then do it! You do not have to let jabba get the best of you. Dig out the storm troopers and shoot him down in the path then step on him as you continue on your way!
    1887 days ago
    1887 days ago
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