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you know what I miss?

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I miss people seeing me and freaking out because I have "lost so much weight!"

There was a time when not a day went by that someone would not say that to me. This weekend we were with some friends we haven't seen in about 5-6 years. I was probably about the same size now as I was then. They didn't see me 40-50-60-70 pounds ago. Instead they were freaking out about my husband the whole time. He has lost about 60 pounds over the last 6 years due to stomach issues and lifestyle changes ( no fast food!). Plus we eat better because I cook that way and we also walk together.

It was really annoying listening to it all weekend! Especially because he isn't trying to be thin and I am! I know I'm a brat but still...

There was also a time that I didn't understand when people would say how hard this is. I tried to think of blog material so I would be more relatable but it was just so easy for me the first year, I was so excited and happy and energetic and annoying!

Now, a few months into my 4th year on spark and having gained back 20+ pounds, I have plenty of blog material about struggling!

I don't want to struggle, whine or complain but I do try to be honest. I wish I could go back to that magical first year of 50 pounds of weight loss, enjoy the shock on peoples faces, be at my goal weight and into maintenance but as we know, wishing doesn't make it happen.

Today I started again. Tomorrow, I will too. And every day thereafter.

I miss a lot of things but I don't think I will ever miss being fat. It really does nothing for me.
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  • MAIA2011
    I loved this blog because I probably need this lesson right NOW!

    1811 days ago
    wow, lOOk at all the people who love you here...i miss you, but that's been my fault...'little lady' i DO relate to what you are talking about...last tuesday i went to the doctor's and he challenged me(scared me) by suggesting maybe it was time to put me on insulin...the only reason i should be put on insulin is that i haven't been trying...and approaching summer and swimming and fruits and vegies season, i WILL NOT need to go to fact, i intend on being able to cut back on my metformin...i'm going to get back to reporting here, partly because it now has good fasting blood sugar reporting AND i want to brag to myself about the calories i am burning...
    this is SUCH a good site...
    hang in there, jan, and then try swinging your legs up to sit on top of it... emoticon emoticon
    1820 days ago
    Same here, I keep starting again, eventually it will stick.

    Thanks for sharing, it's great to know others aren't on a straight track down to their goal weight, either.
    1820 days ago
    Seriously I could have written this blog.


    I am taking it one day at a time and today is going well.

    Love you Jan.
    1821 days ago
    Aw, you're fun, Jan! I've missed you!
    We're all struggling, yeah, but we WON'T give up, we WON'T quit, because we DO remember how cool it felt and we WANT IT BAD!
    So hang in there and you will get there. We all will. No matter how long it takes! And then we'll MAINTAIN it if it kills us! (well, maybe not if it kills us...but by that time, it won't, ha!)
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1822 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    I can relate to this, Jan. I miss it, too. But what I miss even more is how I felt in my skin - I felt lighter and fitter and that is what I miss the most. I think it is a bit like when a person is getting married and they get lots of attention for being the bride, and then it's all about the honeymoon and being newlyweds....or when someone has a baby and it is all about having a new little baby. But, time passes, other brides and other new babies come along to steal the attention, reality sets in and the real work of being a parent, or a spouse, sets in, and we have to do most of the hard work "behind the scenes". It is the kind of work that people don't notice, but we know if we aren't doing a good job, and we notice when we slack off and things (pounds) pile up. I like compliments, and I definitely miss them, but what I miss most of all is the feeling I had about myself, that I could trust myself again, and that I knew I was doing a good job. I am SO glad you are on SP, and that you are my friend, and that you are utterly honest and forthright. You are a gem.
    1822 days ago
    Can I say that I feel like this right now? My DH is slim and trim, and eats all he wants. I used to get the compliments about my 20+ weight loss, but then gained it all back a year ago, (and then some). And the weird part is that I remember how neat I felt. I want it again. It is so much harder than I thought to maintain the loss (gah!).
    But I will keep up the battle. And so will you! We will win some and lose some, but keep at it (Darn it!).

    Hope my note makes sense. Am typing with two fingers since the treatment I'm on is messing everything up. Sheesh I hate hospitals. But even here I have to try to make those good choices with my meals. Ok, I'll be honest, it probably IS easier to eat clean when a cafeteria is my only option... : )
    1823 days ago
    Hahahaha. I think your a brat! emoticon YOU kill me. lol.

    Seriously, one of the reasons you are a mega star on here, and loved by yours truly, Is that you are honest, and share so openly. Love you bunches. T
    1823 days ago
  • DAISY443
    Ah come on, struggle, whine, complain! It makes the trying easier! I believe that anyone who is positive ALL the time isn't being truthful with him or her self! Do all that, then let's get back to eating right, exercising (I have to find a tracker since SP took away the one I was using and I tried their new one and didn't like it) more and getting healthy. The heck with weight loss, that will come if we do the things we need to! And, my dear friend, you are one of the reasons I keep trying! Thank you!
    1823 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    Girl, you are amazing. Thank you SO MUCH for this blog. I can't tell you how refreshing HONESTY is. I too, miss being excited, etc about losing weight but like you, I'd rather be here then where I was 100lbs ago.
    1823 days ago
    Such a good reminder blog. Have a wonderful day.
    1823 days ago
    YOU know what your accomplishments are and that's the most important. But I get how you feel!

    1823 days ago
    I was just thinking this the other day. When I first lost 60lbs I was at the same job and everyone noticed. Everyone encouraged me. 2 jobs later and I started here 30-35 lbs heavier and even tho I have now lost 10lbs no one cares enough here to even say anything really. But that is why we are on spark. Our spark friends notice. They are here every up and down and have plenty of encouragement to offer.

    1823 days ago
  • DEEDEE1102
    "Today I started again. Tomorrow, I will too. And every day thereafter."
    I absolutely love that and I needed to read that today! Thank you so much, from a fellow struggler. This is not easy and your honesty is so refreshing.
    Have a beautiful day!

    1823 days ago
    1823 days ago
    Amen sister! There's nothing like that first chunk of weight. You're like a superstar and people want to be around you, ask you questions, bask in your success and be like you. Then when it slows/stalls, there's no more "have you lost MORE weight?" or "wow, skinny!" etc. You don't realize how much that helps fuel your journey and it feels vain and shallow but's an ego booster. It'd be different if I were at goal weight and felt good about myself but I am still someone else's "before" weight. I'm at a weight that would kick someone else in the butt to finally get their crap together but I still have another 100 lbs to go before I'm at the high end of "normal" for my weight.

    Bless you for putting out there what the rest of us are going through as well!
    1823 days ago
    I feel that way too and I don't have any self confidence anymore because I don't like how I look. Small steps like last time. I have up beer last week. Now upping my water. It takes time my friend. Hugs.
    1823 days ago
    I could've written this myself! It was all happy, happy, joy. joy when I was losing. A constant stream of compliments... now, nothing. I'm cranky, and frustrated. We're gonna turn it around!
    1823 days ago
    I can relate to this post 100%!! I miss the days where this was easy, I had my spark, I was losing weight, I was tracking everything and it was all just happening. Everyone was dying to know what I was doing, how I was doing it, what I was eating and how much weight I have lost, and now that I've been hovering in the same 10 pound range for over 6 months, no one gives a tiny rats behind. The funny thing is, I didn't really enjoy all the attention and questions, so I'm sort of relieved that part is over, BUT I do miss the feeling good and feeling like I was truly making changes and that it wasn't such a struggle. Now I'm struggling just to tread water.

    4 years on spark is outstanding btw, even with struggling and regaining some weight you are still a huge inspiration and I hope that 3 years from now I will still be on Spark and trying, even if I'm struggling. emoticon emoticon
    1824 days ago
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