Restarting and the picture that started it all.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
I've always hated taking pictures.
In fact I avoid them like the plague. Unfortunately you can't duck from everyone with a camera. I happened to see this picture and it horrified me. I'd felt myself gaining weight. When I first started to lose weight in 2010 (?) I weighed 198lbs. Being 2lbs away from 200lbs scared me into losing weight. I'm 5'4 so this looked even worse on a small frame. I struggled, I tracked I dropped down to 157 and a size 8. I felt great.
At some point in the past year, I started eating my depression and feelings. I stopped working out like I used to. I loved my kickboxing and zumba but an issue with my back has benched me for the past 4months. All of this plus other things and slowly the weight has crept back on. I saw the scale moving up. 1 lb. , 2 lbs. I made excuses, sodium, water weight, TOM. Before I knew it, the scale hit 194lbs. I still didn't see it. I didn't want to see it. The bigger clothes I had to buy. Also didn't want to see those. But this. This I couldn't ignore. Here it is.
I started crying when I saw this. All of that effort. All of those years of counting calories. All of those back to back cardio classes. For nothing. I'm back to almost my starting weight from years ago. I see a face and double chin I recognize but hadn't seen in years. That belly roll does not make me jolly. How did I get back here again?
I feel like such a failure.
So I have two choices. Keep seeing through rose colored glasses and say it's ok. I'm not THAT fat. OR give it another try. So here I go again. Trying to regain my health and stop hating what I see in the mirror every day.
After much thought I signed up with Weight Watchers. I am combining the tools I learned here with theirs. I am also trying to make my back stronger and get to those cardio classes I love.
So press the restart button.