why is everything such a struggle
Sunday, April 21, 2013
first let me say I am very proud of myself for making some small changes since April 1. Ive started doing a minimum of 30 minutes cardio on my gazelle machine 5-6 days a week...most days I do more than 30. Ive also increased my water intake A TON! a lot of days I only have water. Food is usually my biggest issue and although I haven't yet committed to making a change there I do try to make better decisions once in awhile. All good things and Im very proud of myself for doing that.
but of course life in general is tough. I made the decision around Christmas time that I need to move. I have lived in the same tiny apartment for 6 years and its been nothing but a rut for me. Ive lost 3 jobs, 2 cats and all my friends and family have moved away from this area...I know its time to go. So for the first time in my life I was able to start saving some money to make sure I cud make this happen. but of course life happens instead and Ive had to spend every dime I saved just to survive. So now I have no money and have to be out of this apartment at the end of next month (May). I have started searching for a new place and again, as usual, am having no luck. Everything is either too expensive, too ghetto or not available. Ive already had to change my expectations from being closer to my little brother to a different area that I can afford. nothing is going the way I had hoped. and Im feeling like this is so typical of my life. nothing ever goes as planned and nothing ever seems to go my way. I feel like Im always wondering when will things get better. if you've read any of my blogs you know its been 7 years since my mother passed away and marked a steady decline in my life. Ive lost jobs, apartments, cars, relationships, pets, family and friends...damn near everything has slowly but surely slipped away from me in the past 7 years. all I want is a break. all I want is for something to go my way. one thing. anything.
Im so discouraged.
and don't get me started on my job and lack of money. Ive started job searching again and no luck on that front either. lately my checks have been in the $300 range...I don't even know how I survive.