Sunday, April 21, 2013
You know how sometimes when things don't go your way & you're mad, hurt, and frustrated, you go a little crazy? You have to allow yourself a period to deal with those feelings without guilt. You are a human. You have feelings. They are not always good & you have the right to feel them so that you can come to terms with them.
That's me this week. Thursday was my doctor appointment. I was fully expecting a clear scan & so was my doctor. Imagine our surprise to see it was not clear. Sure, there was a slight improvement since the last scan in November (which is a good thing) but it is not what I had my mind set on.
I was so frustrated . Every meal - every decision - every purchase was made with "getting better" in mind. I've spent a fortune on organic food, changed every chemical that comes in contact with my body to make sure it is not going to disrupt my hormones, and taken more bottles of supplements than I can count. I needed a payoff to validate every time I've denied myself something that I would have enjoyed (sweets, coffee, beer, etc.), that it was all worth it; that my efforts were vindicated. Because that is not how it went down, I am allowing myself some time to feel hurt & betrayed by my own body. Since Thursday, I have not exercised or eaten right, I had 3 chocolate cupcakes with the molten chocolate inside, 4 cookies, 3 alcoholic beverages & 1 deep-fried seafood meal. And now I feel like $#!t! I'm tired, sluggish, my stomach is upset & bloated... and my *girlies* are starting to ache.
I keep telling myself that even though it's slow - it's still progress. Blah blah blah. I know all that and yet, I really needed a few days to say &^% it & do whatever. After 3 days, I hope I'm done wallowing in my own self pity because I've regained 3 pounds. That's a pound a day. Pretty scary. I don't want to keep that up for too long. lol.
Time to let go & move on. Get back on track. Get back to health. Send the self-destructive behavior out the door NOW!
Can someone PLEASE come & kick my butt because I need help turning this around? I need a boot! lol.