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Self-destructive behavior

Sunday, April 21, 2013

You know how sometimes when things don't go your way & you're mad, hurt, and frustrated, you go a little crazy? You have to allow yourself a period to deal with those feelings without guilt. You are a human. You have feelings. They are not always good & you have the right to feel them so that you can come to terms with them.

That's me this week. Thursday was my doctor appointment. I was fully expecting a clear scan & so was my doctor. Imagine our surprise to see it was not clear. Sure, there was a slight improvement since the last scan in November (which is a good thing) but it is not what I had my mind set on.

I was so frustrated . Every meal - every decision - every purchase was made with "getting better" in mind. I've spent a fortune on organic food, changed every chemical that comes in contact with my body to make sure it is not going to disrupt my hormones, and taken more bottles of supplements than I can count. I needed a payoff to validate every time I've denied myself something that I would have enjoyed (sweets, coffee, beer, etc.), that it was all worth it; that my efforts were vindicated. Because that is not how it went down, I am allowing myself some time to feel hurt & betrayed by my own body. Since Thursday, I have not exercised or eaten right, I had 3 chocolate cupcakes with the molten chocolate inside, 4 cookies, 3 alcoholic beverages & 1 deep-fried seafood meal. And now I feel like $#!t! I'm tired, sluggish, my stomach is upset & bloated... and my *girlies* are starting to ache.

I keep telling myself that even though it's slow - it's still progress. Blah blah blah. I know all that and yet, I really needed a few days to say &^% it & do whatever. After 3 days, I hope I'm done wallowing in my own self pity because I've regained 3 pounds. That's a pound a day. Pretty scary. I don't want to keep that up for too long. lol.

Time to let go & move on. Get back on track. Get back to health. Send the self-destructive behavior out the door NOW!

Can someone PLEASE come & kick my butt because I need help turning this around? I need a boot! lol.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Okay here it goes - your pity party for one is over. Pick yourself up, forgive yourself for the last few days and vow that tomorrow you start anew. Think of what you eat as fuel for your body. Ask yourself if it will benefit your health before you eat it. Go for 90% good and only 10% indulgence. You have to allow yourself a tiny bit of bad or it will end up in a binge eventually. You can do this! You've got this!
    2190 days ago
    ok here's my boot (I've done it to myself often enough, and sometimes it even works):

    imagine your thoughts are material things. like rotten eggs, tomatoes, paintballs etc if they are negative thoughts, flowers, gold coins or something nice if they are positive ones.
    then read your blog again to yourself, imagining someone is shooting it at you.

    you see? your thoughts can influence the way you feel, and that can have long-term effects on your health!

    ok now scoot!
    2190 days ago
    Yep, been there, done that, as has everyone I bet! Five years ago. My life change drastically due to a health issue and the meds made it worse. Self-pity was my life until I was able to regain control. Changing meds, although put 20 pounds on me in less than two months, helped my outlook considerably.

    In your head, you know what to say to yourself, but your heart is having trouble ? It seems that you had some improvement. Can you start to celebrate that? Would it help to remember how you felt on those 3 days?

    I think it is important that you reached out for help. Sometimes that's hard to do and that's what I think is great about this place. "Just keep on keeping on!"
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2190 days ago
    I ain't real good at kicking butt but I will give it a try!!! emoticon

    If ya want to reach your goal - keep your eye on the prize emoticon

    Sometimes we ain't emoticon but we can get back on the straight and narrow by focusing on the positives and let the negative feelings teach you what NOT to do!!

    I often tell myself "I didn't come this far to turn back now" - giving myself pep talks like I was my own best friend usually snaps me "out of it"

    2190 days ago
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