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I don't know anything.

Friday, April 19, 2013

I am heavier now than I was when I started this SP journey. This is just so strange to me.

I am restarting EVERY day. Why is this so?

I feel it may have something to do with protection. I have two men in my life I feel emotional attachment to. I (in my awesome over-analysing way) have decided I am purposefully (subconsciously) overeating to make myself unattractive to either so I don't need to deal with the decisions that need to be made.

Argghhh I can't believe I just confessed that! I have also been drinking more alcohol which in turn leads me to eat more (because I'm old and get sick!) and this is just calorie overload on repeat.

So what should I do? I know technically what I should be doing but for now I log in to SP everyday, track everything (food and exercise), and start fresh everyday. I FEEL like I know nothing about weight loss or how to stop myself overeating and lazing about pretending life is as simple as pulling up the covers and watching movies all day.

I also have 3 mid-sessionals and an essay due all before 10 May.
I just want to feel normal.
I don't.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I agree with Sparkwins, it is good you are coming to some realizations. I think number 1, get through your school work, which means cutting back on the drinking to think clearly and get the studying done (easy for me to say) but 5/10 will be here FAST. Then do what you did with the pre planning, X amount to studying, X amount to health, X amount to your son and X amount figuring these 2 guys out. Of course you are overwhelmed, for heavens sake you are a single mom and a law student and have a teenager HOLLY MOLLY, I'm stressed just writing it. Don't forget to ask for help. I've gained nearly all 62 lbs I lost here, so misery loves company, come talk to me any time and maybe we'll bolster each other up and get this done. emoticon
    1888 days ago
    Awww, honey... you gotta hang in there!! Could this have more to do with stress from school? You've been studying for so long... I'm not even sure how much you have left to go... and you've had so many difficult things happen to you over the last couple of years. That's hard for anybody!

    I think I know which men you might be talking about (maybe?) but what decisions do you mean?

    I wonder if you'll feel much different after May 10. That's only a couple weeks away. Drop me a sparkmail if you want... give me more details and get it off your chest!
    1888 days ago
    Dear, dear Anaja! You sound so totally stressed out and overwhelmed!! I don't know you, but I've heard your story before. It sounds like you're trying to deal with some big things PLUS make big lifestyle changes. It might help to see a counselor for a session or two just to help you organize your thoughts. Bring your blog post to the counselor and start there.

    Meantime, can you start with baby steps just to get some traction? How about backing off on the alcohol, for instance, and go for club soda or even plain water. Do that for a few weeks, and then attempt the next small change. That way you're not trying to take on the world, just one thing at a time.

    You CAN feel normal, believe me! It might not be an overnight thing; you might need some help, and it might take some work. But you are TOTALLY WORTH IT!

    Take care! emoticon
    1889 days ago
    Hi there...ok, so you wrote to all of us...but, if you don't mind me saying, I think you wrote this to yourself. What would you say to a friend who shared what you did.

    Be kind to yourself, hug yourself rather than eating or drinking...that's what I'd say to a friend.

    Each day, new choices emoticon
    1889 days ago
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