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Finding HEALTHY At Maintenance - My Right Brain Wild Child Has A Meltdown

Friday, April 19, 2013

That's right. My Right Brain Wild Child had a meltdown yesterday.Truth be told, she's still having it. After eating 2000 calories more than my OLD recommended daily allotment over 2 days has left me - the all-emotions right brain side of me - feeling really scared and vulnerable. But I'm supposed to be at maintenance right now - only I know I really want to lose a little more. It's so confusing - which is why Left Brain School Marm is writing this. It's the only thing she knows how to do - make lists, get wordy, open the door for WC to express herself. So. Here goes.

LBSM: Hey there honey. How are you?

RBWC: (gasping deep breathing with little whiny sounds)

LBSM: Hey hey. Come here and let me hold you.

RBWC: (crawls into LBSM's lap)

LBSM: So what's got you so upset?

RBWC: I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared

LBSM: What are you scared of?

RBWC: Do you realize I have eaten all my extra points for the week - and there are 5 days left!?! I'm going to weigh 200 lbs by Tuesday at this rate.

LBSM: No you won't. Besides. You've reached your goal. It's time to start thinking about eating a little more

RBWC: No No I will weigh 400 lbs by next month. Everyone will laugh at me behind my back.

LBSM: No they won't. They won't even be looking at you. You know that.

RBWC: Yes Yes they will. I'll be a failure again and have to wear fat lady clothes and go on a diet and I hate this. Are there any more cheetos? I need cheese!

LBSM: I'm sorry. I thought I'd made a list of things we will do now that we're someplace different. Now that we're at maintenance. I see now, that it wasn't specific enough.

RBWC: No you didn't! You let me buy 4 kinds of cheese and cheetos and cake with frosting and Ben&Jerry's ice cream and champagne and left me all day yesterday, with Himself, who eats bazillion more than I do and always wants company.

LBSM: Yes. I did. I thought I'd talked this over with you. It was our 39th wedding anniversary. And even if Himself didn't want to celebrate, what with all the turmoil about the puppy, I thought you understood that one day of celebration was alright.

RBWC: I HATE celebrations.

LBSM: No you don't. We love them and you know it.

RBWC: I HATE not being sure that I can make it through the celebration safelyt - I need a better plan than just buying a little cake and a pint of ice cream. Once I start eating that stuff I'll eat it all. I need permission to throw away any extra.

LBSM: Okay. You now have permission. Does that help?

RBWC: Yeah. It does.

LBSM: What else would help?

RBWC: I need to know for sure how many points (calories) I can earn and how we're going to do it so that we don't gain any weight this week.

LBSM: LOL You funny thing. I'M the one who usually wants to shove lists at YOU!

RBWC: (cuddling closer to LBSM) I love your lists when they make me feel safe. It's only when they make me feel like a prisoner that I hate them.

LBSM: Well, I certainly want you to feel safe. I will make a new - l o n g e r - list.

RBWC: When?

LBSM: This weekend

RBWC: What about today? How will I feel safe today? What will you do today?

LBSM: We'll eat salad with Suzanne. No more than 8 points. 400 calories. and only 7 points, or 350 calories for breakfast. And earn 5 points walking out and about.

RBWC: What about the wine tasting with Lisa? I wanna go to that AND I wanna feel safe.

LBSM: We can do that. Two walks and one hour at the circ. desk and finishing up second checking the weeded books will earn those 5 points and you can have your wine with Lisa. I promise - I'll remind you that we're just 'tasting'. We'll still have 12 points or 600 calories left. dinner can be another super salad. You know we just bought all that great fresh stuff. and besides, the farmer's market is tomorrow. We'll be sure to get cash to go shopping with tomorrow and buy More Good Stuff.

RBWC: OH. hmm. yeah. that sounds good.

LBSM: Does it sound safe? Do you feel safe?

RBWC: Hmmm. Safe enough to get through to Saturday. But don't you forget to make my Real Safety List. the one about how to live at Maintenance and all.

LBSM: i won't. And if I do - I am sure you'll remind me, right?

RBWC: LOL Yeah. I will. With Cheetos!

LBSM: Yeah. I thought so. I love you.

RBWC: I love you too.

So you see - I have a WHOLE LOTTA thinking to do to figure out how to navigate into the steady state of maintenance.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Such a cute blog. I'm glad you take such good care of "both" of you!
    1829 days ago
    Wonderfully written and very amusing! Happy Anniversary to you both! What a great milestone! emoticon
    emoticon Cindy

    1829 days ago
  • NUMD97
    This is a riot! How did you manage to peek into my fridge this week? It's scary how many of your purchases align with mine.

    I remember maintenance. There was no road map for it, because so few people attain it.

    Kindly post "roadmap" for the rest of us, even though it will be a while before I get to sit at the adult table with you folks.

    Thanks for posting!

    1829 days ago
    Great blog....trial and error is the name of the game. 3 years in maintenance and I STILL have the internal fight on occassion. A little secret: the more you practice, the easier it gets - I promise! Practice makes "perfect" in a way. I also learned that it also take WAY more bad days to really pack on the pounds than just a slip up here and there...or a celebration here and there.... it's when you have a full month of LOTs of celebrations and slip-ups that things can get a wee bit outta control! just went through it, so trust me, I know! LOL The trick is to just get back on the band wagon as soon as you can, so things don't have a chance to get too outta control.

    Hang in there....keep the dialogue going!!! Very funny btw! emoticon
    1829 days ago
  • KANOE10
    That was a great blog..very well written. I can definitely relate to fears of regaining all of my lost weight! You are right about wanting to learn to feel safe when you celebrate or overindulge. I think your school marm will find a way to let that wild child enjoy maintenance and stay on track.

    You can do it. emoticon emoticon
    1830 days ago
    With just over a year of maintenance under my belt, I'm hardly a pro at it yet. But I can say that it DOES get just a bit easier over time--it just takes practice. Ups and downs are going to happen. We're in this so we can live our lives to the fullest, not so we have to live in a constant state of deprivation! What's important is how we deal with those ups.

    Constantly working to keep special days to what they are, ONE DAY, not days or weeks or months, is a good first step. Deciding when you want to give yourself total freedom with food and when the freedom should be controlled is another. I'm personally comfortable with one meal a week where I don't worry about what I'm eating as long as I'm mindful the rest of the week. If a week has more than one special occasion, I either have to bring out my controlled freedom tactics or be prepared for a gain and have a plan for how I can slowly undo it.

    Now that I'm on maintenance, slow has generally become the name of the game for me. I realize that there's a big difference between being up four or five pounds versus being back at 260 and that there is absolutely no rush to drop any unwanted weight that creeps up. I'm totally determined not to do anything that will sabotage my maintenance, so any changes I make are very small. If I'm not happy with my weight's upward trend, I'll cut my calories by about 100 a day and try to be more conscious about maximizing my workouts. That's it. No more drastic steps and wild swings for me.

    It's normal to feel what you're feeling early on in maintenance--heck, lots of us still struggle with those feelings after we've been maintaining for quite some time. But if you keep working at it, keep experimenting with what works for you and don't allow your right-brain wild child to drive you to poor decisions too often, eventually that sensible left-brain lady will become much for of a force in your life.
    1830 days ago
  • JLITT62
    Maintenance IS harder, anyone will tell you - but I'd like to fight that battle myself!
    1830 days ago
  • SHEILA1505
    Can your LBSM come and live with me, Bess? I could do with her - the days when my student doesn't have dinner at home turn into maintenance-trampling nightmares

    Hugs xxx
    1830 days ago
    Great way to put things into perspective!
    1830 days ago
    I am starting to think about maintenance--not quite there yet. I'm scared, too!!
    1830 days ago
    I want a Left Brain School Marm! I totally understand about wanting to feel safe and instead feeling like I'm on the edge of losing it! You made it this far, and you can see it through the maintenance you desire. Lol... listen to your LBSM. She speaks a lot of sense.

    Thanks for the comment on my NSV Dr. visit blog. I appreciate the support, too!
    1830 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/19/2013 11:05:35 AM
    LOVED your blog! I don`t know if we ever get completely "safe". We are food people wh always celebrate with food. We celebrate EVERYTHING with food.
    I have these same anxieties with buffets. I am a closet eater so I can do well infront of others but to pay for a buffet and not take the priviledge of all I want...well,....that is very hard for me. Right now...I don`t do buffets.
    Keep up with the self-talk. It can work wonders. emoticon
    1830 days ago
    Fabulous blog! I am so with you on the overeating lately, and I'm having those anxiety feelings that wake me up in a panic thinking I've regained all my weight and have nothing to wear. We'll get through this, and WE WILL MAINTAIN!

    1831 days ago
    So that was what all the chatter was yesterday. I could hear you girls talking all the way over here. Happy anniversary to you and DH. Things will settle down soon so could you keep it quiet? LOL! Have a great day! HUGS!
    1831 days ago
    Hilarious! You will figure it out, that I know. Happy Anniversary to you and Himself.
    1831 days ago
    Thanks for sharing
    1831 days ago
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