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dealing with loss.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

*Disclaimer- this blog is not necessarily focused on my weight loss journey. I wrote this because I believe that other people do/have felt this way and that should be something our society is able to talk honestly about *

Lately, getting up in the morning has become hard. I want so badly to have a happy post about how positive things are going but if I did that would not be the truth. Last weekend my world was rocked by two major events- the death of an ex-boyfriend in a horrific car accident (at the age of 23.) We ended things (badly) a little under a year ago. I have since seen him a few times- but I have guilt about the way things ended... and I am horrified by the news article and pictures I saw while I was simply doing an internet search to see why my friend was stuck in traffic so long. I can't get the images out of my head and it has been hard for me to focus.
Also, I unfortunately almost ended an extremely important relationship in my life because of their continued alcohol abuse. I won't delve into that too much- other than to say that I am listening to my heart and my counselors' and mother's advice above all else. I believe that things can and will get better but the thought of losing that person as well is weighing on my heart.
I had my dietitian appointment earlier today- and I almost broke down. I explained to her my struggle to focus on my eating and exercise when just getting to class has been hard. She asked me if I have been coping by restricting or binging- which I have not (in part because that requires energy that I don't have!) I feel an intense loss and lack of control of my own life. Her advice was to make sure that I was meeting my nutritional needs but not to add focusing on weight loss to my plate but rather take one day at a time. What do you think? How do you handle a major life event and balance your health? I feel like this trips up a lot of people and that being able to handle huge good and bad life events is one of the keys to long term weight loss. So maybe this horrible experience can help me learn skills that will help me cope in the future. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Having said all this, I will be back with a vengeance. Life can't keep me down for long.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Totally agree. you can only work on so much at a time.
    You have to choose what needs to be focused on and do that.

    Weight Loss is important. Eating healthy IS MORE IMPORTANT. Eat right for your health- maintain your weight and exercise some every week FOR YOUR HEALTH.
    when the time is right you can focus on weight loss.
    Personally I think it can be good for the body to take a break from loosing and just maintain. I have done that every 15 pounds. lets my body catch up with the weight loss. And gives me time to focus on other areas that I might not have giving attention to.
    It all works together.

    So focus on a couple of things. being overwhelmed ends up doing more damage than good.

    I have realized this- it is not so important to get an 'A' in a class. last semester- even though I had a 10 page paper to write for my final and give a presentation- I took care of me first.
    Ended up being a fantastic week for me. my best time to date for a 5k. I felt so good that day I kept going and did over a 10K. then worked on my paper. I gave my presentation and finished my last class. Anyway... if your in school the GPA I think only matters- if you are in the running for validitorian. if not- average works just as good- you get out and you have graduated.

    BE true to yourself! emoticon

    1888 days ago
    I think you have made the best choice by blogging about it.

    We all have these huge struggles and pains, sometimes it's a shocking incident or it lasts a long time and we just go along trying to cope until it eases.

    Taking care of yourself as others have so wisely said is the way to go, don't try to figure it all out while you are in it. Your weight loss journey is equipping you to understand yourself better than ever before because you need to analyse your eating habits and figure out how to change things.

    It is like growing up and you are getting stronger as your blogs show, you'll be able to cope in each situation.

    1889 days ago
  • LE7_1234
    So sorry you're going through this.

    I think your dietician sounds right--meeting your nutritional needs will help you cope with everything else. (Going beyond your nutritional needs will just give you something else to cope with...)

    1889 days ago
    You will come out of this as a stronger person. I believe that everything that happens in our lives makes us stronger and that we have the tools that we need but sometimes we just don't know to ask for them or how to use them. Choose to do something that you want or need to do.
    1889 days ago
    My heart goes out to you. When I was in my fourth year of college, my roommate from the previous year died from leukemia. Nothing I had expected about grief was what I felt, it was like a cloud descended on me and muted everything. A few days after her death I remember feeling outraged that my parents hadn't called to help me cope - my roommate told me I had multiple conversations with my parents in the past few days, which somehow I had forgotten....it really is a weird experience to be immersed in grief.

    That said, I don't know how exactly you are reacting, but just take it one day at a time. I took a lot of thoughtful long walks outside in the weeks following her death. The cloud did not lift for a few months, and still when I think of the unfair loss of her life I feel sad. If someone gave me diet advice at that time, I would not have had the energy to process the information and carry out a diet plan. Just keep seeing your counselor. I saw one, and while she didn't remove the grief, she helped me work out my thoughts, it's really hard to understand why a young person has to lose his or her life so unfairly.
    1889 days ago
    I don't know how to say it other than you have to take care of yourself first. You need to take the time necessary for you to grieve, if it takes longer than you feel it should then go talk to your medical doctor. Eat only when hungry, don't binge as that will on make you feel worse. Take it a day at a time, your body will tell you when you are ready to get back into full time workouts...
    1890 days ago
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