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Truth & Pain as a Lesson

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I just got struck with a thought about how you never 100% “Know” people. We only present whatever side we wish to share to others. I am trying to keep that in mind whenever I access the internet or hear a bunch of gossip. I am willing to bet real money that everyone’s “perfect” lives aren’t so great.

I have been on Spark for almost two years now, not sure if I have ever mentioned my family or upbringing besides the fact that we always ate outside of the home and never healthy. I really don’t want to get into it, but I can tell you that the truth about all of this would shock you. I think I can hold the people who really know about it in the palm of one of my hands – and that would mainly be my BF who has been exposed to it over and over again and has still stuck with me (bless his heart).

I’m telling you this in some sort of rationalization about what happened to me yesterday. Some family stuff went down, I got so stressed to the point of tears at work, and I decided to go to the gym instead of crying. I walked on the treadmill for a half hour, briskly (for my little legs) between two people running at full sprints. Instead of being down on myself for not being a sprinter, I tried to focus on how LUCKY I was to be working at a job that gives me a free gym, and I have two legs to walk on, and I have clean water to drink after working out and food to eat that I packed for a healthy lunch.

After all of that, my BF and I decided that it was time to chat/confront my parents about a few things and pretty much the only way to get them to do that is to go out to eat. I know. It is like bribery with food. And it works. They wanted to go to Outback, and we did. BF and I had a beer before they got there and my parents ordered a blooming onion, which I ate a little bit of because our waiter was awful and the service was so slow. Now normally I would just do this for dinner, not make myself look at the nutritional facts, and move along. Last night – I TRACKED EVERYTHING. I went over my daily limit. I can see it in front of my face, plain as day. I have probably been sabotaging all of my other good efforts like this for some time now. Sticking with AINT is not pretty, but it is HONEST and it is showing me what is real. I am also now thinking about how I tried to make good choices last night – a plain small steak and broccoli – but how everyone around me had total calorie bombs. Outback is a walking heart attack! Anyways…

Needless to say, we had our chat with my parents and I learned a lot all around. I think committing to this tracker is going to help me own up in a big way. It is time to be honest with ourselves and the world around us, every day, every way. Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain is a lesson!

I feel like this blog wouldn’t be complete without some commentary on the Boston Marathon. I know everyone is all about it right now and I’m just bandwagoning, but my heart is still heavy from the events. Those people worked so hard, were SO resilient, faced so many challenges in their lives and overcame them for this one day… and some selfish idiot had to try to take it all away. I picture someone sitting at home, watching TV, and feeling satisfied that they caused so much hurt and destruction – and that is what really boils my blood. I know that there are scores and scores of good people in this world, but there are still evil and self centered people too. We need to come together and spread more good in this world people. Please? Kindness and good unto others? I’m not a religious person by any means but I try to think of others, respect them, and be helpful to the universe. Is it really so hard? I know our human instinct is survival and that makes some people do crazy things, but shouldn’t we also be concerned about everyone else’s survival? Or are we really that selfish inside? Just sayin’… seems like everyone forgot about their neighbors somewhere along the way. Why does it take events like this to remind us of not just the bad but of the good people in the world too? The unsung heroes? I think we should try to be more like the people running TOWARDS the injured versus AWAY. Now I’m not saying we should just give away everything to everyone with less… I’m saying just be KIND today. You never know when a single word or smile can change the events of the day.

And with that… moving on to a positive future. Right?!?!?!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great blog! I also have family issues, which have gotten better over the last few years, but sometimes it's hard to forget the past. It can really affect you for a long time. Eating is SO hard. When we go to Outback with family, I get either the salmon, or a small steak with steamed veggies. I get water and eat just a small hunk of the bread, and that's it, and it's usually not bad as far as calories. I hope whatever the issues are with your family that they get better. Sometimes I find myself feeling inadequate next to some of those hard bodied women at the gym, but like you said, I tell myself how lucky I am to be alive and healthy and able to walk and run. There is a man who goes to my gym who does the elliptical with one leg, and when I see him I remember that we are all stronger than we think we are. emoticon
    1865 days ago
  • SLEE103
    You should be so proud of yourself for having a mature discussion with your family and sticking to what you want to get out of this experience. Your'e right, truth isnt always pretty but thats how you learn.

    And wonderful commentary, I too am still incredibly heavy hearted from the events in Boston. The world IS a scary place, but we must continue on with our lives and if we all just think of one another and others' a little bit more often hopefully it can be a little bit kinder place.
    1865 days ago
    I understand the family issue with food, I call my mother the enabler. She's doing better though, now if I could get my "we survive on meat, cheese, potatoes and bread" stepfather to get with the program.
    Not preaching, not preaching...
    1865 days ago
    I always tell my kids that the smile or simple acknowledgement that you give to someone may seem so insignificant to you but it can have a huge impact on them. As you mentioned above, you don't know someone else's story and your act of kindness could be just reinforcement they need to get through the day. I'm glad you talked with your parents. It's tough to put your big girl panties on and deal with issues head on...but the sense of control and accomplishment you get from doing it is such a great feeling! You are much younger than I am....and pls know that as you get older...and especially for me once you hit your 40s...there is a tremendous freedom in just being who you are..........Take Care!! emoticon
    1865 days ago
    Amanda Marshall said it well: Everybody's got a story that could break your heart. People see the face we present the world. I'm lucky -- my family would stand behind me, no matter what -- but I know how many people haven't been that lucky. Despite your coverages, good job sticking to your guns!
    1865 days ago
    I shake my head in amazement at how cruel so people can be . how much hurt they cause others . when we need so much kindness in our actions with others how to make good of something .
    1865 days ago
    Good blog post.

    Good for you for holding yourself accountable. It's definitely a struggle....especially when one has a busy life and tries going to restaurants. We are such a restaurant (fast food, casual or otherwise) culture.

    Hang tough. Keep strong.

    1865 days ago
    Keep going!
    1866 days ago
    Keep going!
    1866 days ago
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