KINGHAKA

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Respect Everything and Everyone

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Interesting conversation I had with a couple of guys at work today. Upon clocking out, a couple of workmates were conversating and having a chuckle. They turned to me and one of them asked me:

"Do you do that mate, take a night off once a week just to get out of the house and away from the wife and kids to take time off for yourself?"

I paused for a moment to generate a response. I replied:

"Nope. Apart from taking time to go to the gym, I can't stand being away from them. And even going to the gym is doing it all for them. I explained that I go to the gym first thing in the morning because they are asleep. When I go in the afternoon I make sure it's quick because I feel like I am missing out on time with them. I simply adore my wife and relish every moment with my kids."

LoL, they gave that blank, confused stare I often get when I say that.

Often times at work the guys will complain and moan about their wives and about how they're soooo hard done by because they have to work to feed their children. Things like this make disappointed but there is one thing that really gets me heated enough to stop the conversation, reprimand them and walk away. Sex with their wife.

"Oh, she's holding out on me." "It's been a pretty dry season lately." "Oh I haven't gotten any for ages." Grrr, this almost sends me into a rage.

In my mind and the way I was raised, I have always heeded the bibles counsel on marriage: "Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers." Hebrews 13:4

In our house we have one rule, never disrespect your mother. This goes for me too regarding my wife. I find it disrespectful and dishonorable that a husband, or for that matter, a boyfriend, should go advertising the state of their sex life like some public broadcasting station. Now, I only speak on behalf of the men folk because I hold us more accountable for EVERYTHING!

Have some respect guys! What happens between you and your wife behind closed doors should stay there. Though I feel it's ok if you are confiding in someone privately or seeking counsel from a professional but not with the entire workforce. When the guys start telling me about their intimate activities I shut em down sternly and walk away letting them know I'm not happy with the direction of the impending conversation.

Although I have made terrible mistakes in the past, I am proud to say before almighty God, this has never been one of them.

Anyway, before I get into a full on rant, I wanted to offer some advice for you guys out there who may be dealing with intimacy issues. STOP BEING SO BLOODY SELFISH! Forgive me.

You have no idea what our girls go through and stop thinking you know it all. Stop thinking it's all just a matter of black and white and if they just do this or that then all should be fine. Girls are an emotional being far more than we are. That's they way God designed them. And that is where their true beauty lies. Girls never stop caring, they never stop loving and they never stop giving, even when they 'hate your guts.'

Oh i've made my fare share of mistakes, believe you me. But I have learned one valuable lesson, selflessness. When I feel tension between me and my wife I have learned to ask myself: "What am I not doing right? Where have I gone wrong?" FIRST. Figure that one out before you go blaming her for anything. Try cleaning up your own act before you try cleaning up someone elses.

NEVER ask her: "What's wrong?" Because by golly she's got a list in her handbag longer than a $100,000 receipt from Costco, LoL.

Here's something to try. Own up, no, Man up and apologise. Even when you don't think you've done anything wrong. And you may not have. But apologise for the rigors of life, because you could do more to help her out. Perhaps she is just feeling down with the pressures of life. Perhaps she just needs a break and, without asking, needs you to take the reins for a little bit. Maybe one of the children got to her and needs you to get em out of the house for a while and deal with it. Or there's this woman at work that just keep loading her with so much work that's not hers and she has to do her job for her. You never know. There is always a reason, and there is always more you can do.

In any case, let her know you are there for her. Don't just say it either, do something. Do more. As men we are more accountable in the eyes of God and we were created with the physical capacity to do more. Do the dishes, the laundry and mopping. Bath the kids and feed em. Cook damn it, cook. Not just once or twice a year, but regularly and especially when she needs it. Let her know you appreciate her by taking some of her load. Show her you know how tired she is.

Now i'm not saying you should do everything, just show her by example, that you understand her needs. Show her that you are in touch with her feelings and physical state.

I promise you, you will improve the quality of your intimate relationship a thousand fold. You will strengthen the bond with your wife beyond belief. And that, is why I am on this journey of becoming a stronger version of myself. Strength in all areas of my life. Helping others grow stronger only increases your strength.

This may not seem relevant to this forum but I believe it completely is. Balanced health. Physically, Mentally (Emotionally) and Spiritually. If one suffers, all suffer. If you are miserable at the gym, you will not give 100% positivity to your workout.

Again, I am simply sharing my personal point of view from my experiences. I don't know it all and I am certainly no where near perfect. I make mistakes everyday and, from time to time, need a good rolling pin to the head lol. I still learn everyday and most of all try to acknowledge my shortcomings against my stubbornness hehe.

Grow stronger in your relationships and you will grow stronger physically.

Kia Kaha.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KARIEWILLIS
    This is a great post! I really enjoyed reading it.

    I think a lot of men must consider their wives burdens. Obligations. Weights. The old ball and chain, you know? What a sad type of relationship that must be. I can't imagine why anyone would want to be in one like that. Maybe they thought they had no choice? Maybe they thought that was the best they could do? I have no idea.

    Anyway, you sound like you've got the right idea. I got a good laugh out of the part about not asking your wife what was wrong because she had a huge list... LOL! Too true.

    I wonder how many men would find that if they'll just help out with the housework or, as you suggest, cook, their wives will become a little more romantically inclined. In my personal experience, that's better than a nice dinner out. ;)
    2920 days ago
  • 4EVERNESS
    I am sorry guys aren't posting here! If only more men that claim to be Christian would truly know the rules. The men that put their wives down and complain also don't see how it leads to a lack of respect from others for them-and leaving doubt as to why she is that way toward them....The Book is really phenomenal about the psych/soc..if they'd only stop to figure out the reasoning behind it LOL.

    I love it when these men, who you wonder if they only read and hear what they want to for chauvinism use things out of context, like "wives submit unto your husband", "head of household", "as if she were the weaker sex", yet forget 'answerable to God for the marriage. Shall we point out to them that the submit is based upon what responsibilities of theirs...he is to respect her as he would the church, as he would his own body-if that is not met, is she bound to submit, or has he breached a large part of the covenant? Head of household and answerable to God...true, but where is a CEO or Chairman of the Board without the rest of the board or support staff..that does not necessarily mean more important, just stated duties/responsibility. It does not state that she is the weaker sex, rather 'as if', like recognizing some of the insensitivities of men to consideration. I always like to joke about men and answerable to God....like when they go to meet with God on this topic, will He say, "So, what's your excuse this time Adam?" LOL

    Sounds like you really understand what love is, what egalitarian is, what Christianity is..that kind of love...refreshing to see! If the world would only get 1Corinthians 13 down, and 'love the Lord your God' with all ya' got, and lived it, I think the world would be a much better place.

    Oops, I guess I had a little rant of my own.

    Keep up the good fight!

    May God bless you!

    If only more men would realize that there is more all around strength of character, psych/soc, in living the Love, rather than grandiose exhortations they think impressive to other men...how much better would family life be in the world? A real man she can love from the depths of her heart vs. cheap facade.... He will entrust his most sacred self, vulnerable as a new born baby to her at a certain point. She respects this, and is silent. How is it then that a man's ego becomes one of a victorious conquest..rather than a sacred, beautiful sharing? And then as if he has to prove this is minimized and show some sign of power and control. Then, he would speak negatively to others about her? When with her work of house and children, she tries to show her love over and over reinforcing this, rather than minimize it. What happens to her respect and trust of him? What has he done to that sacred trust? When will they see the irrationality, the schizophrenic tendencies or denial of the depth of their love? What is so threatening to them about this? It is without control, power, that one attains it, and helps another attain it...through love and cooperation, that is, more gets accomplished, willingly so thus wanting to do more..for each other. Love, a reciprocating function...from conception.
    2923 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/17/2013 12:01:38 PM
  • no profile photo CD10356350
    Wow! I consider my husband to be the best man in the world, but I have to say you would run a close second! :) Your wife and family are blessed to have you!
    2923 days ago
  • SIMCYN
    You are so sweet, my hubby is sweet also, but honestly, I wish I could get him to read your blog. Even after 32 years of marriage, he could learn something.
    2924 days ago
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