i did it again

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

I am very disappointed in myself I ordered out today. I don't know what is wrong with me. I know that I shouldn't be doing it but I still did. I had my appointment with my counsellor today and once again it was very emotional. When I got home all I wanted to do was to stuff the feeling I was experiencing with food. So I called up boston pizza and ordered out. Now I feel even worse. I feel guily for ordering take out plus I am still emotional form my appointment. Whats wrong with me? why can't I stop ordering out? I feel like such a failure I am so disappointed.
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    Hi Sunshinegirl. My name is Pam. I'm new on SP. I just started on 4/15. But, I'm not new to dieting and losing weight. I need to lose at least 100 lbs. Don't feet too guilty for ordering pizza. We are human and sometimes we are going to eat things that isn't good for us. The main thing is that you get right back on track and don't let that slow you down. Good luck!!!
    2190 days ago
    thanks for the support everyone it means a lot. I will try to put in place the suggestions that you gave me. Hope everyone had a good day.
    2193 days ago
    Success does not come overnight. It comes in baby steps change by change. You have not failed because you are still talking and thinking about what happened. You know that it would be a better choice not to have ordered pizza, but it is a big step to recognize that and perhaps you wouldn't have even cared before - or even noticed. That is progress!
    If dealing with counselor or the issues being dealt with in counseling triggers the need to stuff food in to stop feeling the pain, then you need to address the underlying problem. In the meantime you are doing very well more times than not! That too is progress! If your day with the counselor finds you needing pizza at this stage try ordering a single slice instead of a whole pizza. If you don't bring extra in the house chances are you will find you are okay with letting yourself have a more controlled portion. You wouldn't beat down a friend fighting to change this problem and you shouldn't beat yourself up either. Good luck with your continued good eating choices! emoticon
    IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team

    2193 days ago
    Tanya, I used to love sweet and junky foods. When I would get upset, I would eat tons of it which would result in leaving me feeling horrible physically in addition to very guilty. This went on for a period of time, and finally one day I WOKE UP!!!!! I realized what I was doing, and I was tired of treating myself like that. So, I stopped. I took back the CONTROL of what I put in my mouth, rather than letting it CONTROL me. You can do that too!

    The next time you think you want to order take out, remember how you are feeling right now. That may persuade you to choose something else to eat.

    What's done is can't be undone, and you are not a BAD PERSON for ordering take out. However, it sounds like you know it is in your best interests to stop doing that. You ARE moving in the right direction, and that in itself is an accomplishment. You will get there...sometimes, it just takes time.

    Best wishes in reaching all of your goals.

    2193 days ago
    Seriously - if there is something wrong with you then there must be something wrong with most of us too! I lost a lot of weight before having the baby - about 40 pounds. I was eating healthy - making good decisions - not eating junk food or fast food. Then, I got pregnant. I promised myself that it wouldn't affect me and that it was going to be a healthier pregnancy. In many ways it was - but between the pregnancy and after the baby - the message got lost. One of the biggest reasons we do it is because it is easy - it saves time. That's why we really have to plan ahead as much as we can. When we do - we can lose the temptation or at least have much more control over it. Sometimes we are tired - busy - whatever - and there we go again to that all-to-common drive-through window. You are not alone - so unless you want to beat us all up about it - don't beat yourself up either. Please. . .

    Now - for all it is worth - I am SOOOOOO proud of how you have been doing all week. I know you made a mis-step - and that happens. Don't forget that you have been blogging for over a week now, right? Before - you were feeling bad inside and had no one to share it with. You are learning to share - and that is an important step. You also learned to set goals - and you have (for the most part) been sticking with them. In the past - when I would read your blog I would hear a desperation and a willingness to give up. Lately I have been hearing that strong woman in your voice - no, she is not always certain of everything she does - but she is strong and she wants what is best for you. So - all in all I think you really have been making progress.

    We all make mistakes along this journey - we order out or we fail to workout on a day we "promised" we would. We need to be more forgiving. If a friend promises to do something for us and then they say they can't - for whatever reason - we don't get all upset about it. We understand - they are human. We, too, are human. We make mistakes - however - since you have been on SparkPeople and since you have been sharing your journey - you have the tools to succeed. Success does not come overnight - but right now you know you probably shouldn't have ordered out - and perhaps you wouldn't have even cared before - or even noticed. That is progress.

    As for feeling emotional - that is part of the depression but it might also be a part of who you are. You are a feeling person - and that is okay. I am - and so are many others. I wouldn't trade it for the world - feeling is truly living. I understand you hate the feelings you are feeling - I have been there (as have many others). It is not easy - but to get past the pain - we have to feel it and stare it in the face. If we ignore it - bottle it up - it doesn't go away, it just sits there and festers, bothering us all our lives.

    You are not a failure! A failure would be sitting there ignoring that there is a problem. A failure would give up. You have not given up - and you are staring those problems in the face. You are much stronger than you realize - and you can do this. Try to take it one day at a time. No need to re-evaluate or worry about what has happened. Pat yourself on the arm and say "Sunshine, you are human and you will get past this. You will not fail because I won't let you." She needs to hear it.

    If there is something that triggers those feelings - the need to feed the emotions - for example, your doctors appointment: perhaps you can make something special for yourself before you go to the appointment. Then, when you have that feeling - you can feast on food - but healthy food choices. If you feel stressed, eat one dark chocolate as a reward for getting through THAT day. And - as a word of advice - buy ONLY one. Don't try to save by buying a whole bag. Dangerous! Go ahead, enjoy the chocolate - it is not going to kill you - just don't feed and feed and feed. Soothe - your body and your mind with good things.

    Feel stressed? Fill the bath after your appointment. Put some nice bath salts or even just some nice warm water and soak your pain away. It will be good for you.

    So, for now - get past feeling that you have failed. You have made a mistake - and there is a difference. Let tomorrow be another day - and when you go to bed tonight, hold yourself in warm embrace and assure yourself that it is going to be all right. If no one else can do it for you - so be it - you can be your own strength. And, when you need a shoulder to lean on - I promise mine will be here for you.

    2193 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/16/2013 6:52:35 PM
    Sweetheart.. Okay here is the thing.. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE... The fact you wanted to stuff your feelings to me says you are going through some very , very hard stuff emotionally..Yes you ordered pizza, okay over , over ,over... But get this .. you realized you wanted something different.. You talked to us about .. to me that is a step in the right direction.

    I feel lots of thing come up in counseling.. and they should, that is what its for to help you cope and get through your tough time. To me counseling.. is more important than the food choice.. your recognizing and wanting to change you will .. Maybe before counseling have a plan for next time. Do you talk to your counselor about your relationship with food and how it needs to change also ? Maybe they could help you with that too.

    Please know your doing better. Please know you're SOMEBODY SPECIAL and you're worth it.. It won't happen overnight.. but step by step it will get better. emoticon
    2193 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/16/2013 6:09:42 PM
    It's done .. it's over! I know exactly how you feel cause I have been there a million times. But you know what? It is now in the past.

    You may have failed at making a bad food choice... but YOU are not the failure.

    good luck ... I'm rooting for you!

    Mallory emoticon
    2193 days ago
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