Getting over a hump

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

I did it again. I got to a certain point.. took some progress pictures and then immediately fell off the wagon. I reached 25 lbs gone and then took pictures and then my mind basically just shut down or something on me and I fell wayyy back into old habits.


This time.. I didn't give up.

I messed around for like 2-3 weeks.. ate garbage and made half assed attempts at work outs. I didn't gain weight but I certainly didn't lose very much either. I finally sat down in a room by myself with no tv and and no other distractions - computers, ipad etc and just asked myself.. "Okay what's going on?"

The answer?

" I have a huge long road ahead of me still"


It's not time to give up.. it's time to keep fighting and showing myself that I am worth all this effort and the tears and the good feeling that follows after a successful work out which then is followed by a successful week.

I am NOT giving up on me. Is there a point in gaining back almost 30 lbs so that this time next year i can be upset with how I am having to work my butt off to lose all that weight AGAIN!? Do I not remember how when i first started that like 2 years ago that I lost 40 lbs and am having to go through the pain of losing that same 40? Seeing numbers on a scale I've already seen once before and was already proud of once before? Last attempt and this round together I lost 70 lbs almost.. in a perfect world I'd be around 230 lbs instead of sitting up at 266. But this is not a perfect world. (If it was i wouldn't be fat).

I also had an epiphany. I keep planning cheat days. I realized how big a mistake this has been. It means there are forbidden foods that i am only allowed to have every once in a while instead of a portioned snack of it whenever I want. Learning this and actually processing it in my head made me realize how forbidden these foods aren't and that i can plan my day around it IF I WANT. And since realizing it guess how many times in a week I've had these "forbidden" foods. 0 times. Seriously.

So I'm back. I mean I have always been here but just not active what so ever on this site. I haven't blogged. i've tracked my weight and measurements and workouts etc but haven't put effort otherwise here at all. I'm over my hump and i feel like I am stronger now and more focused on my goal. I can actually see progress in my body.. not just from pictures but when I see myself in the mirror even when i go into stores and glance at myself in the mirror. I am starting to like the way i look even though I have a long road ahead of me I can tell I'm going in the right direction.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am stuck at 20 lbs lost and not happy about it. This post reminded me that the last thing I need to do is just say "forget this" and start eating to stuff down my unhappiness. I want to, it is the way I've handled these feelings for decades. It seems my quote for the week is "keep doing what you have always done and you will keep getting what you have always gotten"...time to do something new. Thank you so much for this post!
    2824 days ago
    Thank you for this inspiration. I need it cuz I am being lazy and making excuses and I know I need to get my butt in gear and just do it. Thanks.

    2835 days ago
  • no profile photo AMYD726
    Love this post and love your attitude. emoticon
    2835 days ago
    Oh my gossshhhh I hear you on the planned cheats! And the idea of "It is forbidden!" and then changing that mindset. It worked for me too, for the most part (we all have one of those days where everything just hits the fan and you have a ton of fries or something) but I am SO GLAD it is working for you and you have figured it out!!!!!!!!

    Welcome back girlfriend, you have done this before, you can do it again - and this time hopefully for the last time!
    2835 days ago
    Awesome post! A LOT of us can relate I bet. But you're brave enough to pick yourself back up again after asking yourself some hard questions. That's what's going to make this time different. Rock on :)
    2836 days ago
    You are so right and we cannot change the past only the future so let's both move forward and do this !!

    2836 days ago
    I am in the same spot - just getting refocused again - and I wish I had done what you did and stopped the spiral of gaining back what I lost... what you have said has resonated with me, quite a bit actually - I really like what you said about losing the same weight again and again after sweating and grinding it off .... I'm having a hard time forgiving myself even tho thats what I have to do - can't change yesterday now - but I sure as heck like the fact I am moving towards my dreams of being at my right weight. Its just too darn depressing the other way.......(I am now saying this every time I eat - choose better, healthier - remember what you want)
    2836 days ago
    emoticon You can do it! I think you're right about the cheat days. I can eat whatever I want. I just eat less of it and track EVERYTHING. =)
    2836 days ago
    Welcome back!!!! I can sooooooo relate to your story, only I lost 65 lbs and gained back 72! Ugh! Don't quit. Glad you were able to get a grip on what your goals truly are, now forgive yourself and move on!!! Yep, its a long road - but I know it leads to some great places that would never be experienced on that other road! We can do this sister!!! I'm right here with you, willing to pull, push or whatever you need to help keep you on the path with the rest of us! Just never quit! emoticon
    2836 days ago
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