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Heart 2 Heart With My Dog Sparky...

Sunday, April 14, 2013

I have the best conversations with my dog Sparky. He is a good listener, he NEVER judges me and he cares about me a lot! emoticon

This morning I was cuddling with him when I got home from work, and over the course of a couple minutes, it just started to come out. "Momma is sad, and momma's getting fatter..." and I paused and then it just kept coming "And when momma gets fatter, she gets even sadder and fatter and sadder and it's not good." Then I said "You don't want a 270 pound momma, because then momma couldn't take you for w-a-l-k-s, because she wouldn't be able to, and then you'd be sad, and you don't deserve that." (Had to spell out walk because I didn't want him to think we were going on one lol)

It was crazy how much came out to his furry little face, and he looked like he understood. emoticon

I saw something this morning that terrified me. I have already grown accustomed to seeing 216 which was bad enough, but today I saw the number that terrified me, 220. emoticon Part of it is bloating with TOM approaching but most of it is from the reckless eating. Yesterday I took good steps in the right direction, tracking food, walking, and getting in my water, but when your food is completely out of control, nothing can save you. We all know you can't out exercise a bad diet. My body has taken on 4 pounds in like 3 days, and while a lot of that may be a fluctuation, the number was very real and a preview of where I am headed.

I also have to say thanks for all the support. I know I am getting repetitive, everything is either I'm gaining, struggling, trying, etc... but keeping active on Spark is the only thread of hope I have to hang on for dear life... so I thank you all so much for hanging in there with me and encouraging means a lot! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Keep hanging on, girl. You're not going backwards. Start where you are. You can do it and we'll support each other!
    1884 days ago
  • JUDY106
    You can get back on track. Really Just go back to the beginning and do the things you first started out with. it will come. Fake it til you make it!!!!! I had a terrible time when I was sick and could not move much and then the hungry and the food calling my name. I didn't make it out with clean slate, but I am cleaning it off myself and starting over. I am trying to go back to the basics. You can do this too. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1892 days ago
    You can do this. Back to basics and work on taking care of you. The emotions will get the best of us every time. Take care of that, and everything else will start falling into place. I believe in you Steph.
    1893 days ago
    Whatever you do, do NOT let all your hard work go to waste. It sucks having to work so hard to get back on track, but you can turn this around and lose more! You can do this!
    1894 days ago
    Oh dear! Sparky I think could be a Motivational Member here! Use him, Stephanie! You will get back on course!
    1895 days ago
    I hear ya, Steph. Thank goodness for our wonderful furry friends AND our Spark friends! I know you'll get through this rough patch. I'm here for you, and I know you're here for me as well. We can do this!
    1895 days ago
    I feel for you girlfriend. Keep talking to Sparky - he's a good listener and will never judge you - and he gets you. So many of us get you and know that this is just a bump in the road - you will learn so much about yourself as you work through this difficult time and you will come out on the other side and the crazy eating will go back to normal. And you will be saying " wow - I made it through - look how strong I am!"
    Sometimes when we are so lonely and feeling alone in our struggles it is difficult to keep on track to our plans. Listen to your heart. You don't want to keep climbing up that scale. I can hear you - you don't want to keep on the path to sad stephanie - Listen to your heart - and be gentle with yourself. You are sad. Feel the sad.... and know it is not forever. It's just a blip in the road. Be good to yourself and do the things that make you feel good - your mood will catch up. Dance and sing with sparky - cause he is there and will help you get back to happy - and feel happiness for your future. Good things will come. You will get through this struggle. I've been where you are - I still go through these same struggles with the scale and with my heart - I so get where you are at. It is such a tough place to be -but you can find your way out by being good to yourself - connect with friends who also get you... you are a strong woman - you will get through to the other side and will look back on this time as a time of connecting with yourself and moving forward.....
    We are all here cheering you on.

    1895 days ago
    Oh Sparky! What a good puppy friend. I'm sorry for the disappointment of seeing that number. Isn't it funny that the first time you see a number you celebrate it, and the second feel that you are a failure? Not funny like haha but, you know, super ironic. But Steph, a number is a number. YES you need to make changes to get to a better place. But no you are not a failure for seeing 220. Focus on the changes in small steps like you are doing, and you'll get back there. You've gotta focus on the nutrition of your body- but do it small, do it with love. You are making tremendous progress, and you cannot allow your mean girl voice to start saying that you are failing because you saw this number twice.

    Is it good? No ways.

    Do you want to see it? No chance in hell.

    Will it derail you from getting what you want? I don't think so (Do you?) {OF COURSE NOT!}

    Small steps forward has helped you in the past. Just make the best choice for right now, right now. 10 minutes from now you can make a new choice if you want to. YOU are in control of your life. Not the scale, not a number, not a boy, not anything else. YOU! And I know you can win.

    And I am so glad you have Sparky to give you a hug from me!
    1895 days ago
  • EILEEN828
    It takes a long time to really figure out what it's going to take and what you have to change to make your diet and exercise program work for you. My best advice is to change your have to's into want to's. Keep your focus on the positives and compliment yourself more for the right things you do than you do complaining about the wrong things you do. Then just keep plugging away at it. It is good that you saw that as a wake up call, that's good motivation. And by the way I have more to lose than you so your lookin' good to me. You can do it, just keep gaining knowledge of the right choices, and keep moving just for the sheer joy of it.. emoticon emoticon
    1895 days ago
    First off, with my mom's dogs you can't say treat, bye-bye, night-night, walk, or any words that rhyme with the words I mentioned or else they go crazy. Dogs are so smart and such good listeners. If I have my mom's toy poodle on my lap and I talk to him, he just sits there and looks up at you and gives you 100% of his attention. They are such good companions and I'm glad you have Sparky there. There is something really therapeutic about having a pet.

    Good for you for still exercising, tracking, and drinking enough water! Every step pushes you in the right direction.

    I also think changing your ticker was good for you as well. It helps you own up and acknowledge what's going on. I think it would be more frustrating to keep your ticker where it was and then try to catch up to it.

    I look forward to your next blog to see your progress!
    1895 days ago
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