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Saturday, April 13, 2013

Right now there are two Kims in the news. There’s Kim Jong-Un, who’s the leader of North Korea, and then there’s Kim Kardaishian, the reality star who’s having a baby with Kanye West. It can be kind of tough to keep track of who’s who. Kim Kardashian’s life is like a roller coaster; Kim Jong-Un isn’t tall enough to ride one. Kim Kardashian’s favorite movie is called Failure to Launch; Kim Jong-Un’s nuclear program is called Failure to Launch. -Jimmy Kimmel

Tensions continue to mount in this North Korea situation. The U.S. has moved a Navy warship off the coast of the Korean Peninsula. Is that going to scare the North Koreans? If you really want to scare them, don’t send a warship. Send a Carnival cruise ship. -Jay Leno

It seems like every single day, President Obama finds a new way to waste our tax dollars. I mean, two daughters? Seems a little redundant. -Stephen Colbert

Yesterday NBC announced Jay’s retirement. And today they officially began regretting it. But you don’t have to worry. Jay always bounces back and that’s what Fallon ought to be worried about. -David Letterman

Former President George Bush has invited President Obama to the opening of his presidential library later this month. President Obama said he's looking forward to going through the library to see if there was anything else he could blame Bush for. -Jay Leno
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