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"Fat Girl"

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I exist in the sheltering eye of a storm right now in regards to food, weight loss and body image. I know that I am not losing weight at any supersonic, accelerated pace, but I know that like the song by Gary Clark, "Things are Changing."

Things are peacefully and gently shifting both physically and mentally.

"Ooh baby things are changing now
Things are changing now and I can't tell
Where I'll be from here on out"

I know things are a changing, because I can read the book, "Fat Girl" by Judith Moore with an unflinching gaze. It is touching me. But it is not destroying me. I know I could not have read this book two years ago or even a year ago. It would have hurt too much. I picked it up as ancillary research for another writing project I am working on.

Here is a review:

Fat Girl is a black diamond, revealing its hard brilliance only when you accept its invitation to descend into the soul of the loneliest little girl in the world. When you reach the center, the microscope becomes a wide-angle lens, suffusing your spirit with rage and mourning. Fat Girl is to-the-marrow honesty and monumental courage. It stuns, shocks, and saddens. It's the true blues ... because you know it's the truth. A magnificent achievement. —Andrew Vachss

Here are some excerpts online:

and here:

The prologue drew me in.

The first chapter made me want to cry.

Made me cry.

Made me sit down and write this blog.

Because for this moment in time, I can read "Fat Girl" with some distance between me and this sad story that by the author's own admission, does not end happily.

She writes in her prologue: "I mistrust real-life stories that conclude on a triumphant note. Rockettes will not arrive on the final page and kick up their high heels and show petticoats. This is a story about an unhappy fat girl who became a fat woman who was happy and unhappy."

And I feel compelled to respond that I want Rockettes to arrive on the final page of my story. I want them to kick up their heels and to show petticoats. I want a freaking ticker tape parade. I want a Blue Angels fly over and a 21 gun salute. I want the armistice I have so painstakingly forged between myself and my scale, and food and the old me and the new me to last forever.

And I genuinely, with all my heart and soul want everyone's story to end that way also.

That's it. That's all I have to say about that.


Let's keep ...

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((¸¸.•´ ..•´ Spreading the Spark!-:¦:-
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  • no profile photo CD12121677
    I love this post. Interested in the book. I am going to add you as a friend ... feel free to add me back if you like!
    3025 days ago
    An interesting looking book.
    3026 days ago
    Read the book....mixed reaction! Keep reading.
    3026 days ago
    I hope you get that ticker tape parade and we will all be there with you, cheering and shouting. I feel for that little girl to because I see her in myself. I did not read the book but I feel as if I lived it. Some day maybe I will get that parade too. thanks.
    3026 days ago
    You are awesome! I am so going to check this book out.
    3027 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12207279
    Great Blog!
    3027 days ago
    Your blog title made me cringe!!!

    That is enough for me--- I know the tale well and have lived it for 51 years. But there is a fan fare every day now for me. Happiness floods me when I exercise, self esteem exudes when I make a right choice, balloons and streamers when I see the scale on a Sunday even though it may see saw.

    Most of all when my daughter says to me as I bemoan the slowness " but Mum you are not that person any more!!!"

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3027 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3876543
    Love this blog. I see a ticker tape parade in your very near future! There is no reason you won't have Rockettes on that final page of your story!! You are making that happen!!
    3027 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13766448
    No way I could read even the excerpts at this stage. Hoping that one day I will be strong enough to read the entire book. No, I'm determined to one day have the strength and determination to read it.

    Congratulations on the great progress you've made, with much, much more to come, I'm sure.

    3027 days ago
  • 68ANNE
    I can't read it
    3027 days ago
    Extremely well written blog. I've read that book and parts of it resonated with me. But every person's story is different.
    3027 days ago
    I read the experts. While the book is probably amazing it is the abuse aspect that I think would make it extra hard to read.

    I agree with you that we all deserve a parade complete with Rockette's.

    Shine On.

    Light and Love
    3027 days ago
    I believe in happy endings. Maybe not the Disney kind, but I know that I've dug myself out of pits of despair. I don't know if I can read it, because I don't like tragedies.
    3027 days ago
  • CAALAN23
    I don't think I could read Fat Girl right now either. I'm too vulnerable from someone living rent-free in my head and leaving me behind.

    But damn if I don't want rocketts and petticoats too. Thanks for this blog.

    3027 days ago
    Surprisingly I was able to read the excerpts, and the author's explanation of why she wrote her story, without breaking down crying. That's very unusual as I'm a general ninny and weeper.

    I'm looking forward to peace at the end of my story. I'm enjoying a bit of peace right now as well. Here's to more peace than strife for all of us, more often than not.
    3027 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12459382
    Good for you! You have every right to desire those Rockettes!
    I clicked on the first link and started reading the excerpt but I stopped. Because I immediately disagreed with some of the things said. For example I know that NOT every thin person thinks about fat people in the way she describes. It is a choice how to see things and what we focus on. I want to be there to enjoy the ticker tape parade! Be sure to invite me! :)
    3027 days ago
    Hmmmm.... TW, I read the excerpt, then ordered Fat Girl through our library lending program. Then I went back and read the piece about why JM wrote the book. Then I returned to the library program and promptly cancelled my hold.

    I don't have the courage you do to read this book! Perhaps I am not at the same place as you, perhaps I want to avoid this like the evening news full of tragic and caustic events, or perhaps I just prefer happy endings.

    Yep, I want, need, and deserve the Rockettes with petticoats showing on my final page. Most importantly it doesn't matter whether or not the last three words on that page are "at goal weight."

    Let's invite the Rockettes into our lives now; isn't that what this journey is all about? Better yet, let's kick up our own heels now! Yes! This is what I want for all of us! emoticon

    3027 days ago
    Thanks for sharing. I might be ready for that in a few months, but certainly not right now. But here's an idea! Let's plan a ticker tape parade!
    3027 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13824722
    Thanks for sharing this; I really want to check it out, because I love real-life stories of struggle. It makes me feel like I am not the only one!
    3027 days ago
    Thanks for the fair warning. I don't think I'm far enough along in my journey to read that one... yet~ Ü
    3027 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3027 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12145144
    Thanks for sharing this, I will indeed look into purchasing this book. I have not always felt this way about my way but I do sometimes now. So I am actively trying to lose it but there are days when I just want to wallow and give up because losing seems to hard. So maybe the book won't inspire anyone to want to see those Rockettes kick their legs up on their pages but your blog will. So again, I say thank you. emoticon
    3027 days ago
  • LJOYCE55
    3027 days ago
    WOW. Nope, that's it. Just WOW.

    And thank you.

    3027 days ago
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