Ups and downs and ups and downs
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Had a heart-to-heart with hubby about the pie incident. He's promised to be more supportive. I noticed in the last couple of days he is now asking me how many calories he's been eating.
This change-of-life period has really gotten me out of sorts. It's not even the hot flashes - heck that isn't as bad as we all tease about. It's endurable.
The problem is my Monday weigh-in. I went up 1.1 kilos while maintaining an average of 1,600 calories and over 315 minutes of cardio for the week. When I looked down and saw the gain on Monday morning I was devasted. How could it be? What is happening to my body? Is this scientifically possible?
Well, we are now Wednesday and my weight is back down and -300g from the week before. Yes, I know I should not be weighing so often. Yes, I know I should not give so much power to the numbers. But I still don't know what happened.
I had another blood test done with docs orders and we are testing not only for LDL levels, but also for TSH (thyroid) levels. He looked at my last results on Friday and with a surprised look said "you are doing a diet"? When I asked how he knew, he said that I was clearly being very good on my diet since I had no triglicerides. Yeah. He also said that my cholesterol numbers where not high enough to be treated, but must be surveyed. I told him that I didn't believe the last results anyway. We'll see what the latest results are today, I think.
But, I've been feeling pretty low, generally that last few days. The weigh-in on Monday produced a load of tears and disappointment. I felt fat. I felt ugly. I felt stupid. I fought it and today I feel better. I'm sure the daily exercise helps tremendously, but in all, I realise that in my 40's I had finally understood my body, my body's rythmn and the effects it could have on me. The was a sense of control. A sense of comfort in knowing myself.
Today it has all changed. I get down on myself when I never used to. I could cry at the drop of a pin. I used to be a pillar of emotional example. Today I feel whipped.
Just when I thought I knew myself well, menopause started to happened.