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Is it really April already?

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

April 8th 2013
Is it really April already? Yes. The past ..............Oh my, can it have been that long? Yes, it has been SEVEN weeks since I got off my plan. In seven weeks I managed to put back all the weight it took me 3 1/2 months to lose. I can honestly say that the small quiet voice that tells me I will try again tomorrow is the only thing that keeps me from giving up. That and all my wonderful friends on the Calorie Watchers team. I did get good news from the doctor that I am no longer considered pre-diabetic but the depression and anxiety have really been winning since late February. I leave for Jamaica on the 10th of this month and get back on the 16th. I am unsure of what will come after that. I know that I have got to find a way to come to terms with my present if I am ever going to reach my future. I think my issue with not being able to get out of the 200's has been the simple fact that I am trying to get to a place I can never go to again. That place is my past. When I lost 112 pounds in 2010, I thought I had reached the goal of getting back all those years I had wasted being fat. The truth is, I am not the same person I was back then and really don't want to be again. That is the trouble with histrionic thinking. Romanticising the past is a dagerous thing. I have to be who I am today and live in TODAY if I am ever going to make it to tomorrow. Having the ultimate goal is good but unless I ask myself," What can I do TODAY to get there?", it makes no difference having the goal in the first place. Looking back simply makes more obvious the futility of regret.
No more regret and no more teling myself that I have to do it this way or that way and then considering myself a failure because I didn't stick to my own unrealistic goals. God, give me strength.
I am really good at pretending to be strong. I want to BE strong. pretending can only go on for so long.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I hear you, Julie, and I understand your pain........but all we can do is to move forward, even if it is only tiny baby steps, inching along a tiny bit at a time...just focus not on the weight loss.....but on the feeling you get when you've done your exercise.....the pride you feel when you have accomplished just one task on your goals list....the way your face feels as the lbs do come off....the way you feel every day when you log onto Spark People.....and read some of the most amazing stories......yes, they had problems and obstacles..but they didn't let it stop them and neither will you...for you are strong......much stronger than you believe.....you must believe in yourself.....you can do it...and we are all here for you, Julie....yes, we sometimes pretend to be more than we are....just to get through the days......I know all about that......but we are worth so much more than pretending.....for we are strong people who deep inside ourselves do believe in ourselves or we would not be here at SP in the first place. emoticon emoticon

    1899 days ago
    I am very happy for you for your trip!

    The sadness you talk about is what I feel too, about the years I have wasted being fat, and trying to get those years back by losing the weight. My thinking totally!

    I am currently 223 as I found out this morning, which is good for me, I was usually around 245 to 250 for the longest time, then I changed my eating habits, and now I am losing weight by simply not eating so much.

    I wish I lived near you, we could be walking buddies! I really would love to try and bring your spirits up this way!

    You are so in my prayers, Julie.

    Big emoticon

    1899 days ago
    I'll be praying that God will show you the way He wants you to go. emoticon emoticon
    1899 days ago
    I think I understand what you're saying. I also have been looking back and wanting to be who I was when I was younger. However, I know it can never be that way again. I can however get back to a weight that is healthy and allows me to live a fun and good life. So, we can do this! Pray to God for strength like you did in your blog and I'm sure that every day He will give it to you. Keep up the awesome work!
    1899 days ago
    For me, it really is never about what I've done in the past. My journey today is so very different from the ones I've walked before. Each day is a new day, put in the hands of the Lord with the request of Grace and Mercy. And each day, He is present and answers. I know He will do the same for you!!

    Enjoy your vacation!! emoticon
    1900 days ago
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