Monday, April 08, 2013
Today has been a rough day for me. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I just wanted to hide under the covers. A lot has been going on for me lately. I am having problems with my family. I wish that they could just accept me for who I am and love me anyway. I wish I wasn't such a disappointment to them. I feel so alone and unwanted. Sometimes I think everyone would be better off if I wasn't around anymore. To be honest I have been feeling like that more and more lately. I don't fit in any where and that really sucks. I just want to have one place where I can fit in and just be me and get accepted.Do you know how lonely it is to have no where you feel excepted. I just want this depression to go away. I just want to be happy. I am tired of fighting my feelings and feel sad all the time. I can't take this anymore.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Thank you everyone for the support and kind words.
1898 days ago
Sweetie - I think it is your depression telling you that you are a disappointment to everyone; it is your depression telling you that your family don't accept you for who you are or love you anyway. I know that you have mentioned issues with them in the past, but I am MORE than sure that they DO love you and care about you. Perhaps it is frustration because they don't know what to do to help you properly???
Anyway, know that you are in our thoughts and prayers - you ARE loved, and there are many here to attest to that now! If they didn't care, they wouldn't be here leaving your messages!!!
1898 days ago
I am sorry that you continue to have problems with your family. Are you seeing anyone in the medical profession for your depression? If not, please get in to see your doctor, and let him/her know how you are feeling.
Hon, I know of at least 'one place where you can fit in and just be you and get accepted.' That place is right here on SparkPeople. We are very friendly and caring, and we are here for you.
Keep in touch with us on the Dealing With Depression Team. Our team is very supportive, and WE CARE about YOU!
1898 days ago
to you, Tanya, on what sounds like a blue day - even a blue time - in your life right now. We're all pulling for you...and right now, you've got so much to deal with. I very much wish you had a more supportive family, but so many of us haven't had that...so please know you've got another family out here in SparkLand rooting for you.
It sure doesn't make it any easier that you're coping with the long healing process, too. That's not only frustrating, but it can be a breeding ground for depression. Not being about to easily get out and about in a world where it sometimes seems everyone *else* can can't help but contribute to feeling sad. But that's where a lot of effort and persistence can completely turn things around for you in time. Believe me when I say that we've got plenty of room for hope - always. I've had times when, because of injury, I wasn't able to leave the house for over a month, and while I was pretty much immobilized - well, on crutches with a broken bone - I was confined to one floor of the house and could barely get around there. Just going to the bathroom was an ordeal - and maybe even a workout!
We live in interesting times - families aren't close and supportive, not like they used to be... Sometimes, I think technology is actually having the opposite of its intended effect and is really serving to keep people apart. How often do we get together with others? It's all iPhone and computer anymore, and everyone is always busy, busy, busy. But you're right here on Spark, and so are we! And you know what? We're all here for you, cheering you on, waiting to hear that better days are starting to come in for you.
Meanwhile, when I've been really depressed, I've gotten a lot of relief from antidepressants. I'll bet your regular doctor could prescribe one for you...why not ask? They can make it SOOO much easier to get over the worst of this! The one I took was Celexa, but there are many, many out there, and different ones work best for different people.
Keep us posted on how you're doing, and keep on blogging. You're a better blogger than I'll ever be - I've been here since 2010 and not one blog post out of me yet Hope you don't mind that I've added you as a SparkFriend. from Susan
1898 days ago
I understand what you are going through - I have been there myself. I grew up in an abusive home - physically and verbally. I was alone a lot of the time (we were a family of 5 - but I was often alone). I was different from my family - and still am.
Writing helped me a lot - in helping me put my struggles into words. I wrote a lot of poetry back then. Also - I found friends that had things in common with me. I ended up spending a lot of time there instead of at home. Their families ended up accepting me as part of their family and it really helped a lot. My family didn't understand me - didn't care - but other people did.
At some point you will have to learn to let go - it is the only healthy choice. If they do not accept you now - they never will. I hate to say that - but it is true. Once I finally accepted that, it took a huge burden off of my shoulders - a weight I carried for a long time. Make the most of your situation - and when you can, make your own life and fill it with love and joy. I know it sounds farfetched - but it truly isn't.
I lived most of my childhood that way - fortunately found friends and their families to help support me (emotionally) and give me encouragement when my own family wouldn't - and eventually got married and had a family of my own.
The day I met my husband was truly the day that happiness filled my life - and it hasn't changed in 20 years of marriage. We have 4 wonderful children and they fill my life with happiness as well. I am no longer lonely - I am no longer unnoticed or neglected or berated or harmed. I am loved - cherished - and I am not alone. I am fortunate - and I am sure you will be too. It will just take time.
Until then - you need to find the strength within yourself - to value yourself for who you are - to realize that you are adorable, funny . . . fill in the blanks here - and that you deserve to be loved. Realize that for some sad reason - your family just isn't there for you - and realize that you will need to be strong to get through it. There is so much adventure - beauty and wonder ahead of you - it's not worth wasting it all on people that don't even care - it just isn't. You deserve to be happy - to laugh with joy - to have friends - to love and to be loved.
If you can find someone to talk to - please do. If you have friends you can lean on - by all means, lean on them. If you can - write about your feelings because it really does help with the wounds and pain - at least you have somewhere to put them and not have them eat away at you all the time. If you cannot find someone to talk to - to listen to you - to understand you - near home - then try to find someone online who can. I am here too, by the way. You need the companionship - and you need a break away from all the craziness of home life where you are always feeling the way you do - you need to have someone to laugh with (even if a little).
I want you to know you are not alone in this - there are others who have suffered as you are now suffering. You are not broken - there is nothing wrong with you. You just ended up being born into the family you were - and that's it. I moved out of my family home as soon as I could get on my own two feet. In all the years since I went to college (moved out) - we are talking 25 years - my family has NEVER called me to talk on the phone - except 2 times when they wanted money (and have never paid it back either). I call - when I can - to keep in touch - but I accept that our family is the way it is and there is nothing I can do to change that. When I was younger - I cried and cried - wishing I could have a "normal" family - but at some point I realized that I just had to make my own some day. Now - I try to surround myself by my husband - children - and people who love me for who I am. I choose not to be surrounded by people who will bring me down.
The only thing that I truly wish for you - from the bottom of my heart - is that you can find the same thing - because you soooooo deserve it. Life is too short to be surrounded by those who are only content to drag us down. You can find happiness - you can learn to laugh and smile - you do not have to be filled with sadness - filled with feelings of guilt or feeling like something is wrong with you. Please - take care of yourself and know that there are people who care for you. I don't care if I know you or not - I understand what you are going through - and I care because of that. I am worth it - and so are you.
1899 days ago
Comment edited on: 4/8/2013 8:03:12 PM
I hope that you can speak to a pastor or therapist or someone about these feelings of yours. If you have a doctor, let him know how despondent you are. Otherwise, talk to your pastor.
You are of value. Sometimes people that should be there for you are so engrossed in their own problems that they don't see you need help also.
1899 days ago
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