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What can you do?!?

Sunday, April 07, 2013

I have been SO down in the dumps... in a terrible funk... just plain blah... I know the weather has a LOT to do with it. Living in Erie, PA has a lot of ups... we live 6 minutes from the lake, we have an amusement park, and tons of things to do ALL the time. The down side is... we could have nearly 6 months of winter, or at least it feels that way. I can't complain too much, we don't often get sub zero temps, or more than 4-6 feet of snow at one time like other parts of the country. That being said, it can still be REALLY crappy for a REALLY long time.

When I was 300+ pounds, winter used to be my favorite time of year. I was hot all the time, so 16 degrees was the perfect temperature for me. NOW, I'm cold all the time and often wear jeans even when it's near 70. I've been looking forward to warm weather for weeks, and it just hasn't shown up. I've been depressed and that's just given me an excuse to stop working out and start eating... we all know where that gets us... even more depressed, more food, and even less movement... if that's even possible.

I posted the other day that "I'm tired of all of it" and I truly am. I'm tired of feeling like garbage because I'm eating garbage. I'm tired of looking like garbage... well, because I'm eating garbage. I forgot just how BAD things are when I'm not taking care of myself. I feel bad, I look bad and I'm just plain cranky!

Everyone has been so encouraging and supportive, and I really appreciate it. Being a part of this community makes this whole journey a bit easier. It's helped me, once again, WANT to continue the fight. I'm not just doing this for for me and my family anymore. I'm doing this to help anyone who has any doubts about losing weight or getting healthy... it CAN be done.

So when you feel this bad about things... what can you do?!? I don't know about anyone else, but I went shopping, lol! Yep, a little retail therapy does a body good! Oh, AND I filled the house with GOOD food again. Saturday, I decided enough was enough. I NEED to get things rolling again. I have events coming up, and I want to feel good and I want to look good. I'm going to South Carolina in 10 days, I've got multiple 5k's planned, and I've got a Dirty Girl to train for... I HAVE THINGS TO DO!!! I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and just do it!!!

I've been batch cooking all weekend and I have my workouts planned for the rest of the month... 3 miles already today, thank you very much. I'm getting things in order for the kids while I'm out of town, and I'm planning my outfits for my trip... want to see?!?

both came from Old Navy

this outfit is from Dots

the top is from Dots, the rest is from Wal-Mart

See, shopping really IS good for the mind, body and soul, lol!

The MOST EXCITING event I have planned this year, is the Dirty Girl Mud Run. I'm doing it with a few of my favorite Sparklers on September 7, and I NEED to be ready for it! I refuse to be disappointed in myself, and lately, that's all it's been... complete and utter disappointment in myself. NO MORE!!!

I've got this!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • HOLLYM48
    Glad you are feeling better. I totally understand the weather part playing into our emotions. There is a few inches of snow on the ground here again and that just sucks.
    You look fantanstic and you are doing fantastic. KEep pushing to be your best.
    That is awesome that you are training for the dirty girl!
    Wayt to go!
    Holly emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1865 days ago
    I LOVE your outfits! You look great in them. :D Sometimes shopping does help to get you out of a funk. A new outfit really does do wonders. I totally understand the funks. I get that way when the weather is dreary for a long time. I'm also cold a lot now, but I still get hot easily too. It's weird. My husband jokes that I am never comfortable, always freezing or burning up. :) During our journeys and the rest of our lives, I think we'll have times that are harder than others. I think that's normal, but I think it's progress when we see what's happening, and decide not to let it get the best of us when it's all said and done. I know you have the power to continue on, and you will totally kick butt on the mud run! emoticon
    1865 days ago
  • BRADMILL2922
    This journey that we are doing can be so hard sometimes. And I don't even mean physically. The mental drain of it all can really be overwelming at times. I love your answer of shopping. That isn't my cup of tea but whatever works for you, right? I do like to hear that you filled the house with good food and you are getting things turned around in the right direction.

    It isn't easy. But you keep your chin up and you keep pushing. That "garbage" feeling, NO MORE! You definitely got this! BTW, the pics look great! They should have a whistle emoticon... ;)
    1866 days ago
    I hear the dirty girl run is alot of fun, we have it here in Colorado to. It's hard to get out of a funk, sometimes just forcing ourselves for a bit works to. Keep trying to find the positive you can do this. You have already come so far, don't forget that.
    1867 days ago
  • AME4IT
    your honesty about struggles is inspiring. i'm glad a little retail therapy helped pull you out of the funk you're in. have a blast in south carolina (i loved charleston when i visited for new year's!)
    1867 days ago
    Good for you for getting in some retail therapy! I love those outfits and that smile on your face =) The sun will be out soon (once all this rain passes). So keep at it. I'm counting on you to drag me thru that mud course emoticon
    1868 days ago
    You are amazing! Look t all the support you have! Rockin those outfits too! Gorgeous!
    Tanks for the inspiration as always! Love you much & looking forward to getting our dirty on! Xo
    1868 days ago
    Holly you have done such a great job!!! I know what you mean Igrew up in Chicago and went to School in Iowa so I HATE long winters. My mood is determined a lot by the weather as well as I love being outside and doing things and when I can't I get cranky as well. It is a big reason I moved south years ago and am on an island now. I just can't do the cold anymore it's depressing and I just plain don't like it. I hope spring comes really soon. We all go through bad periods. Korina has a new job where she has been getting off work at 11pm or later. So I have started eating a second dinner super late at night. I can't do that I know better and like you I am done doing it. Just know we are all here for you and even though things are rough now you have done such an AMAZING job. Don't forget about that. You look awesome in your new outfits and maybe that is just the reminder you need of how well you are doing despite the winter blues!

    emoticon emoticon
    1868 days ago
  • JENNA54
    You look fantastic! Sounds like you are back on track and out of the doldrums. You are proof that taking care of yourself is worth it, and that we can all make changes in our lives for the better! keep up the great work, you are yet another SPer who inspires me. (And it is now getting colder here, heat pump on last night for the first time since November - brrrr....) emoticon
    1868 days ago
    Wow the out fits are great! Keep the postive coming!As Anie sings" the sun will come out tomorrow!" spring and summer is coming your at the end of winter better days ahead. Filling the house with healthy food and batch cooking is always great.
    1868 days ago
    I hope you enjoyed the sunshine Sunday, it really made Monday feel like a new beginning for me. I actually packed my gym cloths before work today (I haven't done that since December.)

    Thanks for sharing your Spark!


    1869 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    I am BEYOND proud of you, and you're looking absolutely fabulous.

    1869 days ago
  • -POOKIE-
    I really like the red top and shrug combo! Its so cute, I would totally wear that as well!

    And yes, making good decisions, making plans and filling your path with good things has top help turn things around.

    I'm constantly cold over winter now, who knew losing 150lbs of insulation would make a difference *laughs* I've been taking Vitamin D supplements this past Winter, while it hasn't completely helped the "blues" its done enough good to do it again.
    1869 days ago
  • CMGREY14
    I love your outfits, especially the third one! I want to wear a cute outfit like that and you are motivtaitng me to get there!
    Keep up the good work!
    1869 days ago
    1) My bf's cousin lives in Erie and says it can be depressing, so your sunny disposition is extra challenging! Winter can drag the best of us down, way to go for keeping your chin up!

    2) YOU LOOK AMAZING! I am in LOVE with that first outfit, so sunny and cute! You can really pull off the bright colors!

    3) I miss Dots! They closed them here and you can get such cute and affordable stuff there! Plus to living in Erie? lol.

    You look fantastic and sometimes a little change in appearance can fuel the motivation fires. You got this girlfriend!
    1869 days ago
  • KANOE10
    I love your new outfits. That was a good solution to get you feeling happier. You seem to have worked your way out of your funk and are ready to stay on track. Enjoy your trip. The best thing is that even if you were feeling down, you never gave up and now are back on the road to health.
    1869 days ago
    Way to pull yourself out of your funk! I often feel that way this time of year too, especially when the early spring weather doesn't cooperate and make it feel like it's actually spring like it's been doing this year around here. I absolutely love your new outfits as well--what a nice boost!
    1869 days ago
    As I recall, someone tried to talk you into retail therapy 20 years ago... just sayin'!

    You might FEEL crappy, but you certainly don't LOOK crappy! Look at those pics!!!

    You do inspire others. They see your success and want it for themselves (I do!). But you have to take care of yourself - you can't put all your focus on us!! It is ok for you to lean on others, too!!!!! I'm glad you're feeling better.

    I'm forcing myself out of my funk today too. I have dinners planned - so I need to start on the meals that are just mine (bfast, lunch and snacks) so that I'm all balanced. That's my start. I'm hoping to squeeze in a workout. It's a very busy work day though, because I've been out training for over a week. I'm not going to go overboard. I think that's why I fizzled so quickly a few weeks ago. But I'm starting back with water and food. If I can master that this week with a few work outs, I'll be happy.
    1869 days ago
    You look fantastic!! The weather here in SC has been beautiful all weekend hopefully the same is true when you make it down this way.
    1869 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    You look amazing! Love the clothes & I really, really love your hair! emoticon
    1869 days ago
    You look beautiful in your new clothes! Ah, winter...I totally forgot that it still exist and can bring a persons motivation to a halt! I'm in Texas but the weather has been very bipolar which makes me that way as well! I may need to go shopping to help...lol! Have a great week!
    1869 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    Congratulations for Pulling Yourself out of your Depression. The Outfits are very Nice. You look Great in them. Keep Pushing Forward. You Can Do It. This is the WAY TO GO!!! God Blessings to Everyone. Have a Wonderful Week. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!
    1869 days ago
  • STAY39
    Great blog!! Love your outfits, especially that 3rd one- you are really rockin that belt! Glad you found something to help lift your spirits! I hope the weather improves for you quickly- that will definitely help too! emoticon
    1869 days ago
    We've had a long winter down here in VA, too. I got to open the windows up ALL day finally, and it was great. Drove around with the windows down, wore some sandals, it's AMAZING what a little sunshine can do for your soul! I'm glad things are looking up for you! Way to fight the good fight! Love the new clothes!
    1869 days ago
    Love, love, love the cute outfits! You look great! Congrats for getting out of your funk!
    1869 days ago
    great getting out of the depression love the clothes
    1869 days ago
    everything looks good- I especially love the pink/orange one.

    I am proud of you for pulling yourself up from the depression cycle and getting back into your new life! It is so easy to take the easy way- and then you just become more miserable and depressed and feel unhealthy. Super Proud of you! for getting back into healthy and getting in shape for your 5ks you are going to do this year.

    Keep up the good work! emoticon
    1869 days ago
    Retail therapy can be very, very great!!!!! I've used that several times myself.

    I've been very lax with myself since I hit 155. I keep bouncing around, and it's not doing me any mental favors. Today I stepped on a biometric scale at a health fair and it showed 12 lbs over my ticker weight. !!! I know some of that is bloating from TOM and the fact that I was wearing clothes and had just eaten lunch, but STILL. It hurt to see that number and to know just how far away I still am. I know that my home scale numbers - that I base my ticker on - are lower than normal scales by 5-10 lbs, but still, ugh. Maybe it'll be the push I need to get myself in gear again...
    1869 days ago
    Holly, I can so relate on how you feel. I live in WI and the winter has been so long this year. I was spoiled last year because we had 70 degree weather in March. I was in a funk too, tired of the snow & blah weather. Just like you said, I had to stop feeling sorry for myself, because I got things planned. I now got my "spark" back & it feels great. I did the Dirty Girl 5k last August & it was a blast. You will love it, Mud & all!! Love all your outfits, the colors are beautiful on you! You've got this Holly, I'm cheering you on!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1869 days ago
    This is such an inspiring blog! This journey is so hard. But not all the time. It's like a roller coaster. Spring is around the corner and you are definitely ready with your new clothes. I love that coral blouse--so feminine and flattering and beautiful.
    1869 days ago
  • ROSET491
    Hi Holly,
    Loved your blog~ can so relate!! The n/w pa winter's can be very long! I need to get back into program as well! I have been watching what I eat but not doing near as much in the workout area! Just got over that flu/cold thing going around and it left me pretty wiped out!!
    So here's to a new week & new season for setting goals and achieving them!!
    You look wonderful!

    1869 days ago
    You look emoticon your new clothes are just right.

    I can't help with your down and out blues, I have then too.

    I think you are going to kick through it all and be good to you.

    Hugs Mary
    1869 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/7/2013 6:26:56 PM
    let's hope it warms up in your part of the world soon
    1869 days ago
    You look so beautiful. When the winter blahs hit, just look in the mirror.
    1869 days ago
    Ok little missy I was getting ready to repay my cyper kick in the pants back to you but as I read your blog I'm happy to say I don't need to. Well done on changing your mind back to a healthy, reasonable plan. Go get'em girl!!!! emoticon
    1869 days ago
    You look fabulous! I want to go shopping with you! (once I'm out of the plus sizes, ha!)
    1869 days ago
    You're. My. Hero.
    1869 days ago
    When I saw that new photo before reading your blog, I thought to myself, "It looks like a turn around for Holly." Your eyes reflected a new life and hope. Your blog tells me you have renewed determination and hope. I am so excited for you.

    You continue to be my number 1 inspiration here at Spark. My current goal is 175 and I have this idea that that's good enough for me. Then I look at your photos and think about your goal for yourself and I start to wonder why is that good enough for me. For now I'll focus on 175 but I'm not settling for less than I have to when I get there. You certainly haven't. I won't do it either. Thanks so much Holly for you inspiration.

    Love your new outfits. They look lovely on you. You wear them well and could be on the runway for Old Navy/Dots/WalMart.

    emoticon emoticon because that what we need to do to get what we want. emoticon

    I'm so emoticon to read this blog.

    1870 days ago
  • GABY1948
    You are doing great! emoticon
    1870 days ago
    It HAS been a tough winter. Good for you for turning things around!
    1870 days ago
  • SPEEDY143
    Winter is not only hard on the Earth but on humans as well... spring is trying to bust through emoticon Now YOU look like Ms. Spring herself emoticon emoticon emoticon so it can't be that far off emoticon Keep Sparkin' beautiful emoticon
    1870 days ago
    You look wonderful!
    1870 days ago
  • SENIOR62
    You look great and I love your new outfits. Have a good day
    1870 days ago
    That top outfit looks like it was *made* for you! Fabulous! Sounds like a good plan.

    1870 days ago
    Love the outfits, I still have trouble shopping. Mainly because some of the outfits are too skimpy, or too short, or just don't fit me right. You look great. And wishing you lots of luck on your future runs.

    1870 days ago
    Glad you found your spark! I can't wait until shopping is fun and I'm not hot all the time!
    You give me great hope, and I mean that sincerely. Some days I feel like this is insurmountable, I've been too fat for too long, and my demons are always waiting for me to fail.

    1870 days ago
    Love your outfits! Can you come shopping with me? emoticon
    It's hard when we are falling in to that pit... I found myself there a few months ago. It's amazing how much better I feel when I reconnect with my spark friends and just start making those changes that make me/you feel good. Little by little... my husband says I go full steam and then overwhelm myself so this time I'm reminding myself to schedule my down time, too. Good for you to break through and get on track!
    1870 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/7/2013 11:24:48 AM
    P.S. I'm cold ALL the time, too! And I live in Texas! Once you reach your goal weight, invest in cute jackets and sweater, LOL!
    1870 days ago
  • TLG71567
    It sounds like you have already begun to turn it around. Making positive choices and then acting on them is half the battle. Continuing to act on them is the other half of the battle. It's hard but we are worth it. We deserve to be happy and healthy. We deserve to be able to do the things that we want to do in this life. emoticon
    1870 days ago
    Adorable outfits!

    I have dark days, too. Weight loss is a never ending journey, there is no end. What sets us apart from other people who gain all their weight back is the realization if this fact. We just have to keep going...

    I know you can meet your goals! Good luck, and shopping really does help. Nothing like a cute outfit to get excited about weight loss again!
    1870 days ago
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