Sunday, April 07, 2013
I can't help it. I'm kind of cracking up right now.
Dealing with eHarmony is an experience. I guess dating, in general, is an experience. But eHarmony... it always seems to throw me for a loop.
I reactivated my notifications today and almost immediately started up communication with a new guy.
When I first started talking to Dan, we plowed through all the startup stuff in one night and were texting each other by the end of the night. The second night, we were talking on the phone. And on the fourth night, we had our first date.
I remember being SO excited about him because I thought he was so cute in all of his pictures and I loved all of his answers to all of my questions and I just loved his style of writing and communication. I remember asking him as soon as we got past all of the guided communication if he was one of my friends pulling a prank on me because all of his answers were perfect. Obviously, it turned out to not be a prank, but the whole thing has not worked out in my favor... at least not to this point.
So the communication with this new guy seems incredibly similar to the way things started off with Dan, only the roles seem to be reversed. We flew through all the guided communication today (I have to admit that I tried to respond as quickly as possible because I remember how excited I was when Dan responded so quickly to me.) But this time around, this new guy has the lead, and he had to send me the first email. He did basically what I did when I was leading the way with Dan. He did skip giving an outside email address and went straight to giving me a phone number to text. He told me how excited he was about my answers and that he thinks I'm "cute as hell" and that he "hasn't been this excited about talking to someone in, well, forever".
I felt the same way when Dan was on the other end. I called him my "Rare Spawn" because I was chatting with my best friend online while I was waiting for his responses to come back and she joked and said that it was like I was camping out and hunting a Rare Spawn creature in World of Warcraft. And I caught him. Only it didn't last.
*le sigh* I probably shouldn't have started eHarmony back up so quickly. Having such quick responses makes me realize that I'm still pretty hung up on hope. But it wasn't even 2 months. I should be able to write Dan off. At this point, I'm just afraid that I'll start something new and then he'll come back and I'll have to decide. And while I can't see into the future and I don't know every possible outcome, any time I'm in a situation like that, I'm probably going to go with the newer guy that hasn't dumped me and trampled my heart yet. Even though my heart is more attached to the trampler.
I'm pretty boring to hang out with lately. All I seem to talk about it dating. Unfortunately, that is the big thing going on in my life. Very little else matters all that much to me at this point. I've pretty much given up TV and video games. I'm just so curious to see how things go from here.
I just think it's hilarious to be on the receiving end of all the excitement. I know exactly what that's like and I truly appreciate it. And I've craved being able to talk to someone who was as excited as me. Maybe I'll be lucky and be able to return it. Maybe this is the beginning of my next big thing.
Or maybe it's the beginning of my next big waste of time. Zzzz... Regardless, I have to try.
PS. Thank you everyone for your suggestions and support. I know Dan seems like he is a jerk, but I didn't talk about all the good stuff he did for me here. I've only talked about the bad. I'm working out all the things I have to consider about dealing with him. It's just that even though he said goodbye in his email, I feel like it wasn't very good closure because he did throw in the "I love you" and his excuses for ending it was that I was too good for him and distance. I don't think those are good excuses. I just... When I want something, I go after it. (I think my success in weight loss so far is a pretty good example.) I don't really handle giving up on something that I want so much very easily. And I don't think I've ever wanted something in my life as much as I want this thing with him.
If I can feel like it's final, like he's not going to come back in a month and say he's changed his mind, or like there's absolutely nothing else I can do to make it work, then I'm okay with letting it go. I just feel like there should be a bit more fight before I let it go. I need to feel I gave it my best effort and exhausted all options. OR I need to feel irritated with him and like I'm ready to be done with him. That would work too.