No Drama, Please!
Friday, April 05, 2013
Okay, so I'm taking a risk posting this since I have suggested the SP site to the friend I am posting about, but oh well. I've told her this too.
So, there's this friend of mine...we've known each other since kindergarten and have been "best friends" on and off during that time, which included a falling out that lasted a few years. We live about 6 hours away from each other but still get together a couple times a year and have fun. Well, lately I've been busy and working a lot and especially not in the mood to talk on the phone so I haven't called or answered her calls for a couple months but I keep in touch in a general way on facebook, etc.
So she, being a MAJOR phone person, takes this as a personal thing, which it's not. I haven't liked talking on the phone much since graduating high school. I prefer to say what I need to say and get off the phone. But since we used to talk on the phone a lot when we were younger she gets offended that I don't want to as much now. I have other life-long friends that I hardly ever talk to, but we touch base from time to time through fb and we get together every few years and it's great. I wish she understood that kind of friendship. It's timeless, fun, etc. ...and what I have time for! (reason #201 why guys are easier to be friends with)
Anyway, twice yesterday she threw drama my way. On a fb she messaged me about how she's getting used to not talking to me and it's opened her eyes or something to that affect... Then she texted me later that day that she's cleaning out her phone contacts and if I wanted to remain friends, let her know so she doesn't delete me. I'm thinking, "Really?! How old are you?!" So I told her to stop with the drama...(I'm not one to coddle people)..of course we're friends but I've been busy. She said she was just annoyed with not being able to talk to me and then we ended up messaging back and forth a bit about health and nutrition since she's been on a weight loss journey also.
Well, I'm going down to my hometown in a couple weeks (near where she lives) and she and I will undoubtedly get together and have a good time, but I have to tell her to stop overanalyzing stuff. I appreciate her, but it's hard enough to find time to cultivate friendships with people in my area, I can't spend an hour on the phone with her once or more a week. There are so many other things I need to be doing just to keep my house in order, take care of my hubby and kids and help out at church.
Sorry for the vent, but just wanted to get that off my chest. I sound pretty cold, but there's SO much more to our backstory it would take a book to go into it. I think I WILL write a book, change some names, call it "fiction," and make a mint!
Days On Plan: 4
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Oh, I so much get this. My "phone" person is also my sister-in-law and we have had our drama over the years too. She considers me a good friend (me, not so much) but she always says, I like to talk on the phone, I don't do that Facebook. Except she does do Facebook when it suits her and a phone call with her is about an hour every time. My end of the conversation consists of 'yeah', 'I know', 'really?'...you get the drift. My DH always knows when I am on the phone with his sister because I am never saying much.
When she does call, she says things like, "Ken (her husband) doesn't understand why I bother with Nancy or Camille (other sisters) when no one ever calls me". Of course I am not calling her either. Passive-aggressive much?
1898 days ago
I am also not a phone talker, so I understand. Hope the conversation goes well. Maybe texting in lieu of a phone conversation could be a compromise?
1899 days ago
Just as others have said here before me, friendships change over the years. You need different things from your friends at different points in your life. I had a friend that I grew up with, literally. Our entire childhood, through teenage years we were "joined at the hip". Then, our lives changed (neither for better or for worse.. Just changed) and our friendship suffered. We were at different "places" in our lives. We didn't speak for quite a few years. Then, out of the blue, she called me. We picked right back up from where we had been. We are now closer than we have ever been and our friendship is so important to me.
I would say just "ride it out". Tell your friend honestly how you feel in a nice, non-judge mental or hurtful way. Your friendship may change, grow, or fade. No matter what happens, you will know you went about it with respect and honesty.
1899 days ago
ME. TOO. With the phone thing! I haven't been a phone talker since maybe seventh grade. I'm happy to text/FB while I'm doing other things, and I love catching up with my friends in person, but "owing" a long phone call to someone feels like having homework. It's a little awkward making a friendship work with someone who could talk all the livelong day, but most people get it eventually! I've never had someone confront me the way this girl did to you though. Yikes. You handled it beautifully! Good luck with the visit
1899 days ago
Sometimes friendships dissolve. We end up in different points in life and friendships just can't be maintained. Perhaps you can come to a compromise, she seems to want a lot of your time, but you don't seem to want hers as much. You both need to figure out if the friendship is worth the maintenance that goes into a relationship.
Hopefully your visit will resolve things with her.
1899 days ago
I understand... as we grow older, our priorities change (as they should) and sometimes, other people's do not change like ours do. I personally have tended to be a "clingy" friend in the past, but I also am "growing up" and do not have the time to be "clingy" nor do I have time for "clingy" friends. We all have to get to a point that we realize that just because we don't talk once a week or everyday, etc... does not mean that we mean less to someone, does that make sense?
When you talk to her, perhaps you could just tell her that you still love her and care about her as much as ever, but you can't have demands made on you like she is making. If she can't understand, you might HAVE to cut ties... (I know, easier said than done, right?)
1899 days ago
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