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In spite of myself

Thursday, April 04, 2013

I have no idea how it happened, given the way I've eaten the last couple of weeks, but I somehow managed to lose another eight pounds, so I'm out of 400-ville! I suspect giving up the alcohol had a lot to do with it.

So I found myself with a few weird emotions around all of this. It's still a struggle for me to keep motivation against the old messages that told me to eat, eat, eat. I still feel like I'm somehow doing something wrong. Also, I got a lot of cheers and support from my co-workers, and I felt like I should say no, because I'm not sure how much my own efforts had to do with the loss -- like I don't really deserve the praise.

There's also something else -- and this is going to sound seriously weird. I've been "the fat lady" for so long that I don't think I'll know how to be anything else. The unknown is always frightening, and that's just what I'm looking at. Who or what am I turning into? I have no clue.

Okay, I probably sound silly. But losing 250+ lbs. is just a teeny bit life-changing.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are working the program and are now reaping the rewards! Congrats on the 8 pound loss and for leaving 400-ville. And yes, you do deserve the praise!

    1839 days ago
    You are doing great. You will start feeling better, and have more energy.
    1841 days ago
    Congrats on the 13 pound weight loss, Mary! What a wonderful start. And YOU did it-- no one else did. I'm proud of you.
    And I love the picture you added to your blog!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1841 days ago
    Sweetie, you didn't lose those pounds in spite of yourself, but because of yourself. You already know it and said it. You have been serious about how you consume alcohol and it is making a difference.
    1841 days ago
    Congratulations!!! You'll have to make conscious decisions to keep those negative "fat girl" messages at bay!!! Like a movie producer . . . edit it out of your thoughts!

    HUGS and wishing you much success as you continue your journey.
    1841 days ago
    Hey Girl, I know from whence you are coming. I had lost 80 pounds 2 yrs ago and as soon as I did that I became scared and put on 30 pounds. That cycle has been happening for 2 yrs. I keep sabotaging myself, but I will NOT give up on SparkPeople. It's the best around. It isn't SP's fault, I have to take the responsibility for my choices.

    You can ask Tom! I become depressed and run for the food. You are NOT alone. I am trying to keep our dog and my husband on a good diet. But, Me(?), I've got to get back onto the train to Thinsville.....(.thank you Abhilashi.)
    1841 days ago
    What an amazing journey! You've completed what a lot of people only dream of. I found it hard for me to see the 'new' me. I kept looking in the mirror and all I saw was the 'old' me. So it's mind over matter. Why can't we be the thinner lady? We embrace it, own it and LOVE being half of what we were but still all of who we are!

    1841 days ago
    WOw ,great job
    1841 days ago
    Congratulations! And your efforts are yours alone no matter what you may think. Good change, the sort that keeps you moving ahead, is slow and so it may seem like you aren't actually "doing anything" but you are. Take pride in every little step you take because if YOU don't who will? This is about YOU and you alone and for me at least that was a scary step to take. It's scary to do things for yourself when it's been rubbed in over and over again that you're selfish for wanting a life. A life you want, that meets your expectations and desires, not anyone elses.
    I was (still am) also "the fat lady" for so long that sometimes it's hard to think otherwise. I still have about 100 lbs to go to reach my goals and some days it's quite an emotional battle. Three years in and I'll pass a mirror or shop window and momentarily wonder who it is looking back at me because in my head I think I'll always be " the fat lady"
    You're on your way! Be proud and very selfish!
    1841 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/5/2013 4:25:24 AM
    You did this all on your own. No one else lost that weight, but you. You should be very proud of yourself, you did an awesome job!
    1841 days ago
    1841 days ago
    LI you are "quite a lady" to do something like lose 250lbs and come down to under 400lbs. That takes courage determination, and just plain hard work. You may have just noticed it, but you have been taking a lot of ongoing changes along the path already. Sure the future is scary, it is always so, especially when there is changed involved. But you've faced all the other bumps and setbacks and changes already and came right through them. You had to do a lot of tweaks and corrections to get where you are, but now you need to see the healthy choices you are making and not focus on the unhealthy stuff gone by. You are an amazing Lady emoticon emoticon
    1841 days ago
    congrats keep it up I know you may not be able to walk much but do move your body while sitting watching your "FRIENDS"
    1841 days ago
    CONGRATULATIONS on your weight loss. Keep up the GREAT WORK!

    1841 days ago

    It takes the brain a while to catch up with the body when a person's lost weight, or so I found...but eventually, body and mind tend to line up and work more harmoniously...and one's self-image comes along for the ride as a natural result.

    All the best to you!! emoticon
    1841 days ago
    Irish, how proud I am of you! You ARE deserving - probably more so than you'll realize for a while to come. You aren't alone with your feelings. There don't sound so weird to us that have been there and had the same sort of feelings. I never felt "little" in my life, but after being called that over and over along with finally recognizing myself in the mirror again, I have come to accept it. It feels wonderful to be able to do so many things I couldn't before. That is the wonderful motivation I have to keep on program forever. I don't mind very much when I have to be back in my chair whenever I have an accident, but I don't ever want to be in it 98% of the time as I was when i started this journey to a healthy lifestyle. I can walk again, even if I must use a cane a lot. It's still my power that gets me from place to another - not the chair's!! You'll know it when the time comes and you finally see the benefits and accept the changed life of which you speak. You're the greatest and have always been an inspiration to me to try to follow my dreams, even when I didn't believe I could. You go, girl!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1841 days ago
    You have come so far! Congratulations! You know it's funny, you maybe have hit a point where you have absorbed so many healthy eating habits that even when you feel like you aren't doing the right things, you still are.

    Continued success to you!
    1841 days ago
    It seems like those are very common feelings to those of us on this weight loss journey. You are so right-heading into the unknown is frightening, and becoming a new person, whether through weight loss or some other change, can throw us out of our comfort zone. We must head out on faith, and trust that everything will work out for the right reasons.

    Please don't feel like you shouldn't accept praise for the weight loss. That is a huge accomplishment, and you should feel so proud of that! I'm sending you a big virtual hug and a pat on the back.

    1841 days ago
    Sometimes we really ARE our own WORST ENEMY! Congrats on ANY weight loss!
    Stop putting LABELS on yourself. Think of yourself as "A LADY"! No ADJECTIVE is necessary! Try being NICE to YOURSELF!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1841 days ago
    emoticon give yourself emoticon so proud of your weight loss..Keep it going...
    1841 days ago
    I think it can only be a change for the better. There is more to you than your size!!! I know I had a sister that would sabotage herself every time she would get to a weight that she could buy off the rack. Looking back I wonder if maybe she was molested as a child. It was very hard for her to be close with anyone. I do not have a lot of extra weight, but it affects my ability to breath. Hope you will find that you like the smaller lady that you are becoming. I know it is healthier for you.
    1841 days ago
    wow, you lost 250 pounds. that shows you can do whatever you set your mind to. good for you. that is awesome.
    1841 days ago
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