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Wake-Up Call - The Honest truth

Thursday, April 04, 2013

After reading 4EVERADONEGIRL's blog, I realized that I really need to do something. So thank you for your honesty. It has pushed me to stop fooling myself and face the facts. If you haven't read it, check it out, its really good: sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_

I've been a member of Sparkpeople for almost 2 years now. When I started, I was totally committed, borderline obsessive. Ok... obsessive. I tracked EVER-Y-THING. I worked out 7 days a week, sometimes hitting 2500 minutes of fitness, and that with no gym membership or equipment. Just dvds and my two feet. Of course, living in a tropical area with no air conditioning meant that sometimes I worked out until I threw up or slipped on my sweat. I was DETERMINED! And I succeeded. I lost 35lbs in almost 4 months. But my determination/obsessiveness eventually took a toll. I would get frustrated when food choices were out of my control. Sometimes I felt left out while everyone was enjoying snacks and cocktails and I stuck to water. But I held on because I wanted it so bad.

Fast forward to 2012 and little by little I was allowing a little more leeway. A little bit of fast food here, a few cocktails there, but the damage wasn't showing up in my clothes. So I fooled myself into thinking that I could get away with it. Another few months went by and I exercised once a week if that. Tracking was not happening. Water intake? Does beer count? Anyways, you get the picture.

I'd like to say that my time here has been well-spent, that I learnt and applied everything... no going back. But honestly, its not that easy. You go through periods where you are completely focused, maybe to the point of obsessiveness. And then you go through times where you couldn't care less, you want to enjoy life and not have to think about it, over-analyse everything.

This is me, this is who I am and I need accept this. I am an all or nothing kind of girl and I will always have this tendency. So I need to accept and learn to work with it. I need balance. This is a work in progress, a lifetime project. Some days will be hard, some days will be easy. And that's okay. I need to make peace with who I am.

I have spent the last month so angry. Angry at myself for letting things go, for losing my good habits. I need to release this anger and look forward. And so, this is me regrouping. I haven't gained much back but I need to return to my good habits. To try to overcome my all or nothing tendencies, I am giving myself small goals. Once I have mastered the one goal, I will add the other. This time will not be all or nothing.

emoticon Water - minimum 8 glasses a day
emoticon Food tracking
emoticon Limit alcohol intake - none if water intake has not been met
emoticon Try new recipes to reduce carbs and increase protein
emoticon Add cardio 1X time a week, on top of all the usual walking
emoticon Increase cardio to 2X a week, on top of all the usual walking
emoticon Increase cardio to 3X a week, on top of all the usual walking
emoticon Enjoy feeling healthier and fitter. Take time to enjoy and appreciate my hard work.

This is possibly one of the hardest things I've ever written; to say out loud that I have failed. But I am not going to make this my failure, I'm going to make this part of my growing experience. I do not expect perfection from others, so why should I expect it of myself? This is just another step towards success.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It is about moving forward! It is good to stop and assess where you are and use that assessment to figure out the steps you need to get where you want to be. It sounds like you are on the right track, even if you strayed from it for a little while. Let go of the anger and embrace your future!
    1866 days ago
    Thank you for sharing... I just read a page from my life.

    Time to get up and move!!!! emoticon
    1866 days ago
    It's good to know that I am not the only one who started out great and am now struggling. It gives me the courage to try again.
    1868 days ago
    I was a "hard headed diet addict" work the diet to the goal and then return to what I enjoyed. For 30 years. SP has helped me learn and practice moderation. Life is good, enjoy it but stay healthy. Side trips are mandatory but returning to healthy is too. emoticon
    1872 days ago
    It sounds like you are in a period of transition and ready to renew your commitment. We all need some time off occasionally. We succeed by keeping the down time within limits and by getting back to basics as soon as we can. Good luck!
    1872 days ago
  • DROSS0616
    Thanks for sharing. I went through the obsessive tracking as well and then stopped (for me it was starting to do more harm than good). When I stopped tracking food I could see myself starting to slip and am now in the process of getting on track. Thanks for sharing your personal struggles and journey! Good luck! You can do this. We can do this!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1872 days ago
    This blog sounds like it should have been written by me. Thank you for sharing. You have forced me to take a hard look at myself. I am slowly slipping and I know it. The question is - what are we going to to about it? emoticon
    1873 days ago
  • NIKKIB612
    I know exactly where you are coming from! When I initially joined 2yrs ago & started tracking, the weight fell off so easily that I enjoyed the process. As I hit my goal & my weight stabilized where I was comfortable with it, I stopped tracking consistently & my motivation level plummeted. My weight didn't seem like it was changing & I felt like I should "have this down by now." Choices started slipping & 10-15lbs later...I had a ridiculously difficult time getting back down. My workouts didn't falter much strangely, which just shows you how important diet is, huh?
    Good luck!!! Checking off those small steps is a way awesome step in the right direction! You can do this! We all can!
    1873 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1873 days ago
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