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Struggling, but you guys are awesome!

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Ok, not even going to lie. I've been thinking about giving up lately. A LOT. I've skipped workouts. Just flat out said, "No, this isn't going to happen today. I don't feel like it." That hasn't happened before! My workouts aren't happening until weird hours now. My schedule is totally thrown off.

As far as food goes, I want to say that things have been better since my brother has been out of the house. That's what I'd like to say. In reality, for every good, awesome, perfect food day I have, I have one where I go over my max range. Yesterday, I not only said, "No, I don't want to work out," but I also said, "You know, I really want shrimp and linguine today for dinner" When I only had 400 cal left for dinner. BAD.

Dinner was delicious, but bad. I had 1 serving of dreamfields linguine, 4 oz of shrimp, and tossed it lightly in alfredo sauce. Overall, it really wasn't bad. The bad part was.. I drank 1/2 a bottle of expensive champagne and ate like 4 slices of garlic bread. It's these kinds of fails lately, people!

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know where my motivation went, or why I just can't bring myself to care anymore. The worst part is that I still have so much farther to go. I'm struggling, hardcore.

I went back and re-read some stuff that was inspirational to me back in the day. You know, things that inspired me to get started in the first place. There's an Instructable on how to lose 100 lbs in 1 year. That one was really motivational for me. I was also kicked in the butt by some of those TLC shows. You know, "My 600lb life," etc. I thought watching some more stuff like that might help kick me into gear, but it totally hasn't.

I've missed 2 exercises so far due to apathy. It's not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but if I don't find my spark again soon, it'll get bad. I'm really feeling that I'm losing it, you know?

Anyway, I felt like I needed to post something. I suppose I can post some costume photos, too. I finished that boot!

Well, I still need to add that panel on the bottom, and there's one little spot I'd like to paint just in case it flashes blue in photos, but you get the idea. It LOOKS done, at any rate. I could wear it to the con and feel good about it even though there are a few nitpicky things to do to it.

I also started the chest armor, and I've started blocking out the pattern for the second boot. It doesn't look like much, but once I get the pattern finished it should go quickly.

So.. there were some things that could have gone better there. Let me explain.

Had I made a duct tape dummy of myself in my boob-squishing vest, I could have molded some big clay muscles onto it, and then laid the craft foam on top of it and heat-molded awesome muscles on the chestpeice. EFFORT. I was too lazy, so I put on my boob squishing vest and heat molded it to myself. Unfortunately, since it wasn't exactly safe to stand there stretching this stuff across bare skin with fire by it, I didn't get a prefect mold. OH WELL! It will still look fine after I finish trimming it to shape, making the side pieces, etc. It just won't look as awesome as it possibly could. It's been covered in mod podge, and I'm pretty happy with how it looks. I just wish I hadn't been too lazy to make a muscle chest. If I had a male mannequin, that probably would have worked too. But who just has those lying around??

I am attaching bells all along the bottom hems of most of the garments. There are two large decorative ones that go on the cape. I found some fun star-shaped silver ones with plastic balls in them. Unfortunately, they are not very loud. I didn't want silver, either, so I painted them gold with thick acrylic paint. It's working out so far.

So, that's the progress on the costume. I hope to knock out that other boot this week and maybe finish the shirt? I don't know if you can see it in the background of that second pic or not, but I sewed the sleeves on. I still need to gather them at the bottom and put the bottom bands on them, though. I'm thinking about poofing them up with some buckram inserts at the shoulder seam, too. They don't need to be huge, but I'd like them to be a little bigger then they are now. The buckram should do the job, but I'm worried about washability if I put that in there. Buckram is molded by getting it wet. I could use some tulle, maybe. That crap is scratchy, but it'd probably work.

One last thing. Thanks Sonya for the crockpot goodie! I have turned around and made Osso Buco for dinner tonight!

I'd been wanting to try it for a while. Our grocery store had some absolutely gorgeous looking veal shanks in last week. Not this week, though! :( It didn't occur to me at all that they'd be out of some of the specialty meats because they take them off the shelf for Easter. So, I got some beef shanks. Older cow, but I am hoping it works. Many of the Osso Buco recipies I looked at require a 2-3 hr cook time on the stovetop. I figure it doesn't really matter what the texture of the beef is after 8 hrs in the crock pot! The only difference I can think of would be in taste. The veal would be much more mild, but that's ok! I like beef!

Anyway, going to go for now. I really don't like all these emo whiny posts I've been making lately :P I just need to get over it, find my spark, get motivated again, and get stuff done! Maybe I need a drastic change, like doing Atkins for a few weeks or something. I don't know.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Awesome costume pieces ... love love love the boots. Endeavor to persevere my dear. You are not alone in getting those "I don't wanna's" ... just got to remember what voice it is that got us here, and who we want to listen to AND ACT ON most. I love the motivation on Spark that keeps me going when I'm in need.
    emoticon emoticon
    1869 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/7/2013 12:12:17 PM
    emoticon emoticon don't give in to those feelings, shake it off and try something different.
    1871 days ago
    Hang in there! Don't give up completely! :(

    It is totally okay to have these emo downer period. God knows I've had them where I felt just as bleh as my eating habits, I stopped working out, I gained some weight back, etc etc. This doesn't mean that you're down and out! You can always come back from this and pick up where you left off. Inspiration will come back when it's good and ready.

    Like I've always said since starting on this website and this journey when I hit rock bottom: Even though it sucks - and I mean really, really sucks - we need the bad, the down and out times. How else would the good, inspirational times be significant? You just need to find your groove again, whether it be the old one that got you started, or a whole new one for the new person you are changing into.

    I say in all honesty that I have absolute faith in you. Even though you're not in the stage of progress that you feel you should be, you're definitely not the person you were, inside or out. It's not a matter of giving up and going back to how you were, because you're no longer that person to go back to! After all, progress isn't always clear or linear. Just because you've slowed down or temporarily abstained from the usual progress of working out and eating well, that doesn't mean you aren't making progress in a different, albeit emotional and hard to understand way.

    Hang in there! You can work this out in your own time and come back stronger than ever! I know it for sure!

    Also, you're really talented at costuming!
    1871 days ago
    I don't really have any great advice to add either. I'm pretty sure the only reason I've been successful is because I'm stubborn.

    It does sound like you're a bit bored with your routine, though. Is there something you can do outside that might be fun? Do you have a real bicycle that you could challenge yourself to distance with? I always enjoy working out better when there's something new and interesting to look at. =)

    But I agree with CK, don't give up! *super duper hugerrific hugs*

    and BTW... those boots? They're about the coolest things I've seen this week. emoticon
    1872 days ago
    I wish I could offer some sort of inspirational advice that would help! The only thing I can really think of is that you sound like you're pretty bored with your food/workout routing. How long have you been focused on it? I know I usually start falling off the wagon after just a few months because I get tired of doing the same stuff over and over again. This time I didn't want that to happen again, so that's kind of why I did the tri training thing. Because I knew I would add in a different exercise every 6 weeks or so. I also changed up my ST routine and I wind up trying new foods every few weeks if I can fit them in my budget. I don't know if any of that is realistic or even helpful as advice. Regardless, I do hope you find your motivation soon and please don't give up completely! Even maintenance is a success with all the weight you have lost!

    1872 days ago
    Spring coming! So is Animazement...Thus my motivation is back...I've been having food issues too. One reasonably good day then one 3500 calorie day. Not good at all. emoticon
    DON'T GIVE UP! That's the only way you fail...
    1872 days ago
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