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Depression hurts.

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Isn't that what the Zymbalt commercial says? It's true. For the first time since dealing with depression, I am seeing how it hurts my loved ones. In the past weeks, I have been far from being easy to be around. I have been irritable meaning anything could set me off. I would pick fights with my boyfriend. Nothing could be done right. People started to not like me because of these actions.

Now that I am starting to come through the depression fog, I am trying to sort through the fight again. This time with a clearer mind. Depression makes everything extreme and perceptions are a bit off.

A long time ago, a member at the Y told me how he broke up with girl friend because she was bipolar. He said she was unstable in her life. I really hoped my significant other would understand. I don't think my boyfriends understands 100% but it makes me wonder if anyone would or could be able to. For the longest time, my parents didn't want me to go to counseling because it would be documented and it might be hard to attain a full time job.

Anyhow, my point is that it seems like it is harder to live a normal life. Today I got myself on meds and hope to have less extreme episodes in the future. But this episode sure gave me insight on my future.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MAGGIE101857
    Depression is difficult for others to understand; so proud of you for reaching out for help. Hopefully the ones that love you will be supportive and see you through this difficult period. You are worth it!!!
    1875 days ago
    Came across your blog through OPTIMIST1948.
    You have many good responses and hang in there. I live with people who have had severe depression which requires medication and therapy. It takes time...a lot of time.

    I've watched them curl into balls in those black holes and with time become "normal" again. Point is they needed to accept the help as good assistance, not something negative. I have gained a lot of weight in my own anxiety over it, sought therapy myself, and am uncurling from my own black hole I dug because I can't make it better.

    The first time you realize you have spent time not feeling bad for a while think baby steps. And pardon my crudeness, screw everyone else. It's about your better health!
    You are worth it.
    1876 days ago
  • GEORGE815
    Glad you have recognized your effect on loved ones.
    1876 days ago
    I thought counseling was confidential emoticon

    hang in there Savannah
    1876 days ago
    1876 days ago
  • -POOKIE-
    Very true, and I would see this as a sign of an improvement, as when we are at our worst, we do not notice nor care what effect we may have on others... to be aware of it is a step forward.

    1876 days ago
    I had a huge break down 2 years ago with my depression and alcohol abuse after I decided to be a stay at home mom, I lasted about a year before I caved. I almost threw away my whole family because I never took the steps to treat my disorder until then. I'm bipolar. My doctor put me on Wellbutrin and Lamictal and I also use Xanax to help with my social anxiety. I still have some bad days but not h3ll days. I'm a recovering alcoholic and I'm very proud of my sobriety. My life feels normal now, I feel better than I ever have, like I have control again over my emotions. I'm not swinging from one end of the spectrum to the other. So, good for you on getting something to help. It really saved my life. ((hugs))
    1876 days ago
  • KITT52
    mental health issues are complex....hope the medication helps get your life back to a normal stage....good luck

    1876 days ago
    I enjoyed reading your blog and the advice of others, as I know people with depression, nearly married (I was too young, and he was in denial) a bipolar person, and strive to better understand the difficulties involved with depression. May you find your groove through all the changes. I pray that these transitions go more smoothly for you. You have lots of friends here who may worry, care and love you. Hug, hug! -- Evelyn
    1876 days ago
    You have to do what's right for you. You are the only one who really knows how much pain you are in. It's true that depression affects not only you, but those around you as well, but don't mistake other's not fully understanding what you are going through as the same thing as not being supportive. Just trust that those who love you want what is best for you even if they don't quite know how to give you what you may need right now. I think depression comes in many forms and it sounds like you have realized that you have had enough of that. I think meds/therapy do have their place to help you through something difficult. But know that your strenth lies within. You will find it again, and there is no shame in asking for/getting help along the way to find it. You've taken a step in the right direction by identifyin a situation in your life that you need help with. I think you are on the right track. Sending you support and love.... (And lots of hugs too!)
    1877 days ago
    jWell, true -- depression is difficult for sure for you to deal with and it DOES affect those around you. But as far as not getting help to feel better because it would be documented -- well, hmmm....I think you're making the RIGHt choice doing what it takes to feel better. I applaud you!

    Truth be told, it is really impossible to understand all you feel and go thru if they haven't been in your shoes. BUT that's not an excuse for at least being understanding.

    HUGS and happy to hear the fog is lifting. That's a good start!
    1877 days ago
  • OPTIMIST1948
    I was depressed for a long time when I lost my job. I would scrape myself together to get my son off to preschool. Then I would come home and sit on the sofa and cry for 3 hours. Or I would cry while cleaning the house because you cant sit on the sofa forever - those dishes arent going to do themselves ya know - then I would scrape myself back together in time to pick him up. Trust me: Those of us who have struggled, know what a black pit depression can be. Good for you for getting professional help.
    1877 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/3/2013 7:40:33 PM
    The concepts of depression and other mental illnesses are getting better. Good luck.
    1877 days ago
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