So yesterday I got a pretty big wake up call. I had a pretty rough day yesterday. I don't know why, it was just a bad day. I felt sad and down and was kind of weepy for no apparent reason. I had a ton of things to do and no drive or ambition to do any of them, but to get myself and Mr. Baby out of the house we headed out and did them anyway. I returned the shoes, paid the bill, mailed the letter and went about doing the rest of the mundane tasks that I had to get done and through the mall, on my way out, temptation beckoned and I submitted.
Damn you, Chic-Fil-A
I gave in. Ordered a kids meal for the little guy and a #1 with COKE (gasp!) for myself. I came home, proceeded to choke it down and felt worse. Psychologically and physically. Last night was pure misery. I was amazingly bloated. My pants were tight and my stomach hurt all night. Not only did I question my decision to eat the Chic-Fil-A when I was ordering and eating it, but I regretted it the rest of the evening. My food cravings were all over the place. I even caved into a Snickers egg.
Since I ventured down the path toward Intuitive Eating, I find that I still really watch how foods affect me both when I am eating them and after. It is funny how fast food greasiness is so appealing to me when I feel sad and down but when I feel good about myself and feel up, I want to eat a bright salad tossed with lots of colors. I hurt last night and I don't question for a second why. Eating crap makes me feel like crap.
I am looking more at dialing back on grains. Don't misconstrue what I am saying, I am not going low-carb, but rather making my carbs come from more natural sources like fruits and vegetables, nuts and seeds. Not eating so much bread and enjoying an occasional bowl of oatmeal but focusing hard and fast on protein.
I have spent a lot of time trying to find what works for me. So far nothing really has. I feel like I am on to something new, though. I am really focused on eating protein, lots of freggies and a ton of water. I am not perfect, I am not expecting to be perfect but I do really want to see some changes. The more I read and the more I learn about a good solid strength training program, I see the necessity for higher amounts of protein. It is vital for rebuilding muscle. Muscles NEED it.
I also ***refuse*** to sit here and starve. It won't happen. If intuitive eating taught me anything it is learning to listen to my body's signals. Eat when hungry and stop when full. If the body is physiologically hungry, FEED IT!!!!!!!! I REFUSE to play Virtuous Dieter. No more. It doesn't work for me. Skimpy calories, being hungry. It sucks.
I don't know where this is going to take me. I really don't. I may be embarking on yet another path that I set on and end up at the end of the month sitting here upset at the fact that I am not seeing any changes AGAIN and if that is the case, I will once again make another plan and take another route. After all, isn't that what this is all about? Finding what works individually? I have reached the point, I don't want skinny. I want strength. I want a body that is strong and doesn't hurt. I truly, truly feel that the way to get there is by doing what I am doing. Strengthening my body, lifting weights, not pushing it on the cardio (at least the boring ass steady state endurance cardio that will eventually lead to injury) and placing a good emphasis on the right kind of nutrition.
Time will tell. Either way, I feel good today. A whole lot better than my Chic-Fil-A fiasco of yesterday.