15,000-19,999 SparkPoints 18,968

Picking Myself Up and Dusting off

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

I've been down in the dumps lately. I've been frustrated, angry, and feeling sorry for myself. I have been throwing the equivalent of a two week temper tantrum. And, I am tired of myself! I am tired of this pity party, tired of thinking of all I can't do, tired of feeling defeated.

A few weeks ago I discovered that I have a hypothyroid which causes me to retain weight, feel exhausted and depressed, and makes my thinking cloudy. I was so relieved to learn what the problem was; I hadn't been feeling like myself in some time, and I was so glad to know I wasn't going crazy!

But since then, I have just felt really depressed about it. I have stopped tracking my food, exercising regularly, even caring about my weight. I've given up on myself. I blame the illness, but that doesn't help me. Blaming anything or anyone gets me nowhere; I just end up feeling like a victim.

Given my past, this is a very familiar and predictable feeling space for me to go. I forget that I am no longer a small person who cannot protect herself. I have to remind myself that I do have the power to become healthy. I can decide which doctors to see and keep going back until I get treatment that works for me. I can eat healthy in the meantime. I can go for a walk in the meantime. I can continue to live my life, to love myself, and to move forward with grace while I learn to live with this condition. I want to do that.

So, today I am recommitting to myself. I am not going to punish myself anymore. I am going to treat my body and mind with respect. I am going to give myself the rest I need. I am going to pick myself up off the ground, dust myself off and get back on this horse. This is my life and I don't want to waste any more time not living it!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great attitude.
    1846 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1848 days ago
    Sorry to hear you have health issues however I'm glad your back I miss your comments and posts. Slowly work your way to fitness and SP and good luck finding the right doctor. emoticon emoticon

    Me I'm good ( touch of allergies and my aunt has cancer semi bummed) otherwise I'm doing my writings and bit of Walking emoticon emoticon
    1849 days ago
    I have been in that cycle myself and it is completely miserable!! emoticon Right now I am fighting a little one (starting) and not letting it conquer me. I love my new place but the depression is every present lately. I admire your honesty and recommitment. I am sorry about the thyroid problem and I hope you can get the right medicine for it. AND you ARE entitled to a great doctor AND treatment with respect. I saw 4 neurologists this past year before I found my new one (5 total) and I am not sorry I did. People criticized me and I just did what I knew was best for me. Keep looking until you find that special one - you deserve it indeed! emoticon Glad you are back. Love, Chelsea emoticon
    1849 days ago
    Glad that you are back on Spark too. I have hypothyroid as well, and when I was first diagnosed I was really concerned about it. But it's not a big deal, as long as it's under control (which in most cases is easily accomplished with medication). Isn't it a relief to know why you've been feeling lethargic and gaining weight? When I went on synthroid, that was the first time in my life I was ever able to lose weight successfully. If you don't like your doctor, keep trying until you find one you like and trust -- that is crucial. Good luck!
    1849 days ago
    What a great attitude! The key success!!

    Congrats for ending the pity party, and choosing to move forward!

    emoticon emoticon
    1849 days ago
  • VEG_GIRL04
    Good for you!

    And if you have to pick yourself up again 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 years from now - remember no on one is perfect - what matters is you want to commit to loving you!
    1849 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.