Wednesday, April 03, 2013
I feel much better today because yesterday is in the past. All the uncertainties of yesterday are certain today. I can reflect on how I coped.
Yesterday at this time, I thought I'd have to dig up my floor to deal with a plumbing problem. The plumber located the leak and determined it was not necessary to dig up the floor. The way the water sought its escape result in it looking like it was coming from the floor, So a leaky faucet basically was the problem. I wasn't told this until like 4pm. What had I been doing all day at work - worrying about how my house was going to look and the damage I'd have to repair and the money and time it would cost and the inconvenience. I sought solace in a bag of Cheetos (the big bag). So I worked and chowed.
Upon receiving the good news, the guilt of my past bore down on me and I decided I go for some exercise. I detest running in circles but I felt if I got in the car and tried to drive somewhere, I'd just go home. So I changed at work and went over to a near by track. I then was of the mindset just hurry up and get it done. So I walked and sprinted. I am a steady run/walker. Sprinting is an anathema so this effort to sprint and walk was not enjoyable. My mind really was not about benefitting, it was about going down the checklist and saying done.
So, I quarrelled internally throughout the workout - do I go around 5x or 10x. You ate the bag of Cheetos so you need to do 10x. You did not quarrel with yourself about eating 1oz or 8oz of the Cheetos!!!!So I did 5x run/sprint and then 5x walking.
It was such a lovely evening. It was clear and sunny but not humid no real breeze to talk about. But internally I was angry, disgusted and not motivated. I'd let my worries about the water leak overwhelm and sadden me and then it turned out to be a minor problem. I have such remorse but I can't rewind the clock and redo armed with the knowledge that I have. I think we should be able to ....
Anyway, I feel better today and I realize that Sparking/blogging is a form of mediation and reset. I will make today a better day - health wise - through food choices and mental choices (should have put mental 1st cos that transcends into everything else). Thanks for all your comments. I won't weaken today.