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Dark chocolate covered inspiration?

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Were you assaulted by marshmallow peeps or that danged Cadbury Egg?
I'm pretty sure I consumed both. Blech.
I won't say I blew it this holiday weekend, but I certainly didn't fare well.
I DID have an 'aha' moment last night though, and I am kinda impressed with myself.
Is it possible to be disappointed by my appearance and my eating issues and still give myself some kudo's? Important to note that these are not the real candy bar Kudo's of the grocery type, but a much needed pat on my (already) padded back? : )

I feel like a screenwriter here, but here goes:

Monday eve. Nervous and anxious about potential nerve damage in my left leg as a result of the procedure last week to hopefully relieve some pain. I just might be one of the casualties that the docs warn you about before they knock you out. I'm so upset!! EAT!
Will it last forever?! Numb from the knee down, but still have so much pain there? Is that even possible?? Eat. Eat.
Is this how I will need to live out my life ON TOP Of living with Ethel (my EM) and CRPS? - With crutches and being unsure of walking on my own -FOREVER?! I can't breathe...
Is living out my life with potential nerve damage going to get any easier with eating my emotions and getting even bigger???
*Stop eating* (Woah!!!).
I waddled to the kitchen and put back the remaining sweets (holy moly), and even tossed the extra popcorn (wasting food? The horror!)

Do I get an award for this? Will I one day write and bellow out some sappy acceptance speech (and forget to thank the people I love accidentally)? Hee Hee. I dunno.
But strangely, aside from the total discomfort of eating too much prior to that moment, I felt... motivation? Like a slice of my former self hollered out, "hey you, chubby. Yeah, I'm talking to you. You have always hated the idea of throwing in the towel. You've not only thrown in the towel, but i think you're eating it. KNOCK IT OFF!!!"
A tiny particle of the old healthy me didn't retreat with this inner confrontation, but acknowledged it instead. No excuses this time. No denial. I don't know how that 'aha' moment could have motivated me, but it did.

So this morning I did as much of my dvd mat workout as I could handle. Even though I had to hold ice packs (acid fire arm pain); even though I couldn't wear my shoes (yep, more fire pain); even though my workout pants wanted to roll off of my belly like some twisted circus trick (stay up darn you!).
Instead of focusing on the sad scene of me fighting with my pants throughout that partial workout, I have been looking online for some of my favorite Lucy capri workout pants. My bum is bigger. I get it. But (har har) to keep me inspired to shrink it smaller, I want to get some workout clothes that fit!

Look out world, here I come.

'Nuff said.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are quite the fighter.

    I'm impressed. Motivation!!!! Yay!

    You are going to get far my friend.

    emoticon Missed you.
    2205 days ago
    You are my hero!! Amid all your pain you can still find motivation. Yeah YOU!! emoticon emoticon
    2208 days ago
    During this journey we gotta laugh at ourselves. NSV - putting the candies back. Tonight I got home about 8pm and I went in the kitchen and cooked sesame shrimp warmed up some quinoa that I made this weekend and that was dinner. Before Spark - I would have stopped at Wendys or some other fast food joint and had my dinner in the car. When I got home I would have finished wolfing down that food and be in bed. So, there has been a changed ... Believe you me... I did think about Wendys but it was only for a second - honestly emoticon

    emoticon emoticon
    2209 days ago
    You amaze me.
    2209 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    Oh, Miss Bren. I am so happy you posted this blog. I love how you convey your "aha!" moment. Yes, workout clothes that fit - I am on that same quest, my dear. Workout clothes are a tool in our "get fit toolkit" and wearing the kind that roll down (UGH - HATE that) is just annoying and gets in the way of really getting into the workout. You are a lovely inspiration to many, dear Bren. You have inspired me so many times, in so many ways. Yes, Easter was ugly for me, food-wise. All that sugar did me no favors and did not soothe the pain of estrangement. We trudge on, doll - emoticon I wish I could wrestle the awful pain away from you but, alas, I cannot. I can only hold you in my thoughts, my prayers, and my heart, as you do all the wrestling of those awful beasts that attack you. emoticon
    2209 days ago
    Bren, how you were able to find such clarity, strength and determination at such a tough moment is beyond my comprehension, but at the same time, something that makes complete sense; because you are the strongest, most beautiful, and AMAZING woman that I know.
    I'll be praying that you're NOT one of the statistic your doctor warned you about before the surgery. and that your leg starts "feeling" better soon. emoticon
    2209 days ago
    I took a nap yesterday emoticon with 'ice' (frozen vegetables ) on my knees. I fully understand pain. I hope your new problem is very temporary! Chris
    2209 days ago
    Wow, very impressive Aha! Award winning indeed! Your award is wearing cute yoga capris;-)
    Way to go Bren!
    2209 days ago
    Bren, you continue to fight the good fight. That's all that matters. Most of us have never been tested like you have. I say: have an expensive Godiva chocolate once in awhile and leave the junk food chockies alone.
    2210 days ago
    You're a champion!! I love you, BREN!
    2210 days ago
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