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The perils of alcohol

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Monday, April 01, 2013

On Saturday evening I had 11 nice bottles of wine delivered to my door. I had been along to the bottle shop and picked them out two weeks previously, then managed to forget they were being delivered so when at length I remembered I was due a delivery I phoned the shop and rearranged the delivery. My memory is not what it was, as you will see.

I took the 12th bottle home with me to have something to drink that evening, and then didn't feel like it so didn't open it till Friday just gone. I poured a glass, drank it, poured another glass, only drank half and put the rest of the glass in the fridge, and the rest of the bottle in the fridge.

By Saturday evening I'd forgotten (again) that the wine was being delivered but fortunately I was in the sitting room when the guy came round so there was no chance of missing it again.

You're already thinking that perhaps I drink too much wine anyway, aren't you?

So I took the delivery and put the 11 bottles in the wine rack where it always looks so nice and admired it.

Yesterday (Sunday), I was cooking seafood pasta for supper, and got the undrunk half glass of wine out of the fridge and poured it into the pan (waste not etc and I particularly can't waste wine).

This is where it gets complicated.

The thought then passed through my head that I'd like a nice glass of wine to drink. Chose a bottle of wine from the rack, poured wine, drank while cooking (it's one of the great truths in life that it helps if the cook is well lubricated).

A while later, I noticed that one of the bottles of wine in the rack was partly empty. I pulled it out of the rack, set it upright and glared at it.

Definitely about a glassful missing.

Humph I said to myself. Someone's been drinking my wine. The wine hadn't leaked out of the bottle, but there was definitely wine absent. It must have happened in the shop between me paying for the wine and delivery finally taking place. Humph. Too late at night to phone the shop (thank you, my Guardian Angel, for making it too late to phone the shop that evening) and complain about their staff swigging my wine out of the bottle.

I stomped off into the sitting room feeling quite grumpy, having first helped myself to a glass of wine from the open bottle in the fridge, and tried to decide what to do with the other opened bottle that someone else had been swigging from. I finished my glass of wine and decided I needed another glass of wine from the bottle in the fridge and that finished the bottle.

I stood in the kitchen staring at the empty bottle and thinking. 'OMG I've drunk an entire bottle of wine this evening. How come I'm not reeling?' Then my eye fell on the three-quarters full bottle. Pennies began to drop, slowly and boozily.

The person who'd pinched a glass of wine from the bottle in the rack . . . that was me, wasn't it? I'd tipped the half glass of wine from the fridge into my cooking and for some reason got it into my head that to have a drink, I'd need to open another bottle. I'd forgotten about the already open bottle of wine in the fridge. I had opened ANOTHER bottle of wine and then - and this is where it is really weird - put THAT bottle of wine back in the rack. I must have done this completely without thinking.

Autopilot? I wrote the book. Actually, I blame it on screw-caps. In the days when all wine had corks, you couldn't put the top back on so accidentally putting a bottle of wine back in the rack - not an option.

I'd then gone to the fridge - where I usually keep opened bottles of pink wine - for a second glass of wine and of course there was a nice chilled bottle waiting there for me, the original Friday night bottle, opened, still half full.

So I'd drunk that. THEN I'd noticed the bottle in the rack. So I'd only drunk three-quarters of a bottle of wine . . . Clearly this is enough to reduce my cognitive abilities but not enough to make me aware that this has happened. THAT only happens when I trip over a cat.

This blog was inspired by NEW-CAZ, who blogged about a senior moment this morning. I would like to say this wine episode was a senior moment.

However, it was a wine episode, wasn't it?

Bottoms up.
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