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FEAR, Pure and Simple

Saturday, March 30, 2013

My left foot has been slowly getting worse and worse.. I wasn't able to take the stairs at work on Thursday and Friday because I didn't want to aggravate it any worse than it already is.. It started last Monday aching... and has just gotten worse.. .it's a burning pain on the ball of my foot inferior to my big toe.. OUCHY.. The pain and redness is about the size of a half dollar.. There's a very hard (kinda crunchy) nodule under that part of my foot, oblong, kinda like a navy bean. The area is very red but no break in the skin (although that's exactly how the burning feels.. like the skin is broken and someone put monkey's blood on it!).

Well, I arrived at the box last night and my coach said "Come on, let's run a mile" and I froze and then I looked at him like he'd lost his ever loving mind. I mean, yes, we ran (and walked) a half a mile a couple of weeks ago.. and yes, we have worked out hard since then building my stamina.. but a MILE?? I was simply paralyzed with fear. "Luckily" (???) I told him about my foot and said it simply would not be a good idea to do the mile run on my foot the way it is. He relented and we did the alternate workout I described in my last post - a mile on the rower instead!

Today I am still haunted by this "run a mile" thing.. I do trust my coach.. he does push me hard.. but a mile?? me?? my mouth still goes dry thinking about it. Even walking a mile makes me freak a little.. I'm not sure exactly why.. I only know that the fear is real (to me).

My foot is still hurting today but took some anti-inflammatories and put a pad under that part of my foot... and I was able to go shopping and walk almost 7000 steps... and NOT without pain... and no it's not lost on me that I can walk all over creation to shop but not for my own fitness??? WTH?

I've done some very strange (and new to me) things with my coach.. prowlers and kegs and kettlebells and wall balls and rings and box jumps and and and... and I've given each 100% and felt uncomfortable but not fearful. I can tell I'm going to have to do this mile thing just to rid myself of the fear... but I will wait until my foot is better and if it's not improved in the next 48 hours - I'm off to the podiatrist.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to capture this feeling by writing a bit about it.. and reflecting.. and hoping I figure out why this is such a mental thing with me..

139 days til Africa
60lb goal with 45 to go!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MISSG180
    The Stephen King quote is incredibly true!

    I know you can run that mile. If I can do it, you can do it!
    1908 days ago
    If your foot wasn't bothering you, you could run that mile. possibly run/walk it, but you can and most likely will do that. Once your foot stops hurting.

    I have an extra bone in my right foot. It feels like an almond-size hard bump on the instep side of my upper foot.

    I think you need to go see a podiatrist. There are some simple stretching exercises that can be done to help keep your plantar fascitis (however you spell it!) stretched. You had mentioned you were worried doing zumba that it would get aggravated. Looks like you aggravated it. I'd probably stop the zumba class if I were you, the quick starts & stops (during any aerobics class really) is probably contributing to the problem. Do you use orthodics in your shoes? you can go to any good shoe place, and they'll have some-get the best ones you can afford (they can range up to $40 or more!). If your feet hurt, lots of things hurt and it slows you seriously down.
    Good luck taking care of this!

    Way to go on your weight loss!! Keep up the great work!
    1908 days ago
    Annie all health issues aside I know when your foot is better you can run this mile. I was NEVER able to run a mile in school even when I was skinny. The inability to run always haunted me. I remember the first time I actually ran a mile without walking on the treadmill at home. I whooped and hollered and scared my hubby and daughter. It was such a moment of pure joy for me to FINALLY push past that block and feeling of failure. If I can do it you can do it. Make sure you are healthy first but once your doc clears you you better get to it! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    I promise you it will be a defining moment for you and your spirit!
    1908 days ago
    Have your doctor check for gout. Sounds suspiciously like the symptoms.
    1908 days ago
  • IXCHEL23
    Hope your foot gets better soon! Ice it whenever you can. You're doing emoticon
    1908 days ago

    1908 days ago
  • PJ2222
    1908 days ago
    when it comes to pushing yourself, I learned that there is a fine line between just enough to make progress and going too far. Only the individual can learn where that line is and I crossed over it a few times. Just a word of caution, I had a similar foot issue but not quite exact, and it put me out of commission for a few months. I would proceed with caution and if possible, get it checked out just to be sure. I should have and didnt and I paid the price.

    Better to spend a few $$ than to be thwarted for a few months.

    that said, it can be a scary thing to push out of your comfort zone and to do so is liberating.

    Train wisely and you will become EPIC!

    I cant wait to see the results.. keep going! :)
    1908 days ago
    I hope your foot feels better soon!
    1908 days ago
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