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Update and a question

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Time for an update. I have been meaning to blog before this and just didn't get around to it. Happy Easter tomorrow and belated Happy Passover to those who celebrated that.

I weighed myself today. I never blogged after my last weigh in, but I was up 3 lbs from my previous weigh-in, from 175 to 178. For this weigh-in, I am still 178, and I'm really happy about that, because I had a rough month. I feel like I am struggling now that I am close to my goal, struggling with motivation, because I feel like I look good and feel less of a sense of urgency than when I started. There could be other issues, too. Maybe now that I have a date for my class reunion, I feel some pressure to get to goal by a certain time, and I have never done well when I put that kind of pressure on myself. It makes me eat more. I also wondered if the 175 weight was more of a result of being a nervous wreck at the time and less of a result of what I was actually doing at the time. As of today, though, I feel like I may be ready to buckle down and get back to work.

One thing that I am really happy about is that through all of this, the thread that has kept me hanging on, and probably kept my weight the same this month, is my exercise. I ALWAYS do it. Every. Single. Day. I know that this is not necessary for everyone, but for me, it's as much about what it does for my head as what it does for my body. It keeps me in the game when things get rough, keeps me from totally giving up when I have bad food days. After 2 years, it is a habit, as much as brushing my teeth. I had a rough week at work, and worked late a number of times, and for various reasons, did not always get to exercise in the AM as I prefer to. I forced myself to do it at night, even though I was tired and didn't want to. And I actually enjoyed it once I got going. This is what will help me maintain my weight when I finally get to goal. It's my saving grace.

Now that I have updated you, I have a question for those of you who have lost your weight over a long period of time. I say long period of time because this is the first time I have lost weight over a long period of time, so what I am about to talk about is not something that I noticed when I lost weight quickly, but I notice it now. My question is this. Do you find that you deal with people differently now that you have lost weight? Do you find that you have more of an urgency to confront people when you have an issue than to just try to let it go or let it eat away at you? I do, and it kind of amazes me. Case in point: I had an incident at work this week on Wednesday, where a director was e-mailing me about something. I thought that she was angry, and was basically accusing me of not doing something that I was never told that I SHOULD do by my previous supervisor. (This is his boss. I actually have a new supervisor who also reports to the director, but she was out this week) I was REALLY upset. Anyway, I felt like I HAD to deal with it and bring it to some sort of resolution, HAD to stand up for myself. (But in a diplomatic way) The next day (Thursday) I asked my old supervisor if he knew anything about this and he was as bewildered as I was. So on Friday, I spoke to the director, to ask her what her expectations were and explain what had been done in the past. It went really well, and we cleared the air. It turned out she had not been angry at all, (E-mail can be dangerous, if you are not REALLY careful about how you word things) she was just talking about what she wants to do going forward. I felt so much better. In the past I would not have done this, I would have just stewed away. I also noticed about 6 months ago that in general I get angry more, or I feel my anger more, and I want to deal with it rather than eating it down. It's scary because everyone considers me to be so nice, and I have always been a people pleaser, tend to let people walk on me at times, and don't want to make people mad at me. I hate confrontations, so all this is new territory for me. Anyway, just wondered whether a lot of you had dealt with that, too, and if so, has it been hard for you?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Well, it turns out I may have been stuffing Seasonal Affective Disorder every winter for a very long time. I've had depression in the past but not for many years, until this winter. The first 3 weeks of January were really bad. I almost had to go back to the pros. I bought one of those special lights and tried to get out more, which helped. Also I've felt some issues come to the surface, which needed to happen. I don't regret stopping overeating but it has been a serious change with important consequences.
    2942 days ago
  • SHARON10002
    I am in total agreement with everything you said, Dede. You are no longer "stuffing yourself with your emotions" through eating. As you have lost the weight you have gained confidence, not only in yourself and how you look, but how others view you.
    Also agree with Lynnwilk2's comment - very insightful.
    emoticon all around, Dede!
    2943 days ago
    That makes a lot of sense to me. Since you are not using the food for a cover up...the things are at the surface...ready to be dealt with...NOW...not later when they finally surface. You are doing FANTASTIC! I'm so proud of you with your exercising. That's something I need to change in my life...start a habit of exercise. Like you, I know the exercise would be really good for my head. Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon emoticon
    2944 days ago
    I agree with those who mentioned that you are feeling better about yourself, gaining confidence. And you must be proud of yourself not only for dropping those pounds and getting closer to your goal but also for speaking up when you felt you were being accused of something you should be.

    I think you handled it well. You didn't come off angry and tear into anyone but addressed it directly and timely . . . and followed up to make sure it was settled.

    emoticon emoticon .

    2944 days ago
    In the grand scheme of things, most of these issues are not worth the time devoted to being angry. It was okay to get it out in the open but it is way better to let go of the issue before you get to the point of frustration. There is less stress if you just work it out first.
    2944 days ago
  • AUNTB63
    Changing life long habits are not just a physical thing we go through, but out mental state of mind is also effected. I actually had the opposite of what you are talking about. I was always able to let people know how I felt whether with words or the way I would look. Now I just let things that would have upset me before roll off my back, because I realized most of these things just didn't matter. The more I do this the better I feel...I am not bottling up any thing just going with the flow. Have a wonderful, happy but healthy weekend. emoticon
    2944 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12494098
    it's called confidence. You have worked hard and accomplished a great deal. The anger you feel is very normal, and it will pass as your confidence in your opinion of yourself solidifies.
    After I lost the first 200 pounds I was ready to take on the world. When I took the time to explore what was happening with me, I realized first and foremost that I was angry with myself- I was sort of fed up with having been the really fat chick and all the way people treated me. I "confronted" people for comments they made and I pissed some people off. I stepped back a few steps and realized that if I did exactly what you did to resolve your situation at work... give it a few days, confirm that what you are reading or hearing is the same as someone else, and then gently asking for clarification worked out and helped to rid me of the insecurities I had of people when I was heavier.
    So way to go on handling that situation!
    Remember, 99% of the time the way people respond, react, or act around you has very little to do with you actually, it's all about themselves... bad days, great days.. it effects the way people communicate. Look for the true meaning in what a person is saying and you'll find the anger subside.
    2944 days ago
    Happy Easter morning to you...is it possible you are feeling more confident now that you have lost weight?

    I agree with you comment , " emails can be dangerous " also I have found that it is best to go face to face on very important issues as the telephone can also translate a tone that is not the intended attitude.
    2944 days ago
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