11 Months

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Hi, Sparkland. I've been a bit absent of late. Life has knocked the $hit out of me, once again. Recall my oldest brother died on April 10, 2012 at age 56. Six months later, on October 18, 2012, my father died. He was 83 and had a long, full life. I spent 5 nights with him in hospice saying my goodbyes. That was a gift. Now, five months later, my remaining brother, age 52, died on Monday March 25 of acute myelogenous leukemia. It came on fast. He was admitted to the hospital last Tuesday, where he'd gone because he felt very fatigued and weak. They did a CBC and suspected chronic myelogenous leukemia. They did a bone marrow biopsy and got the results on Monday. It was not chronic, it was acute. Monday afternoon we got the call that he'd taken a turn for the worst, had been moved to ICU, and had been intubated. He wasn't expected to make it. I left work, went home, pulled myself together, and threw some things in a bag. I drove to Houston heading straight for the hospital. My brother died 15 minutes before I got there.

My heart will stop aching eventually. Or so I'm told. But for now, I'm just hanging on. I'll still be logging in, hopefully have some fitness minutes to track, but it's going to take some time before I feel okay again. Thank goodness for kitties.

It's been a rough 11 months.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Pam, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. Leukemia is truly awful - my husband is a survivor of Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, and April 25th will mark one year of my boss' passing from Acute Myloid Leukemia. I had been so hopeful that he would make it though because my husband had, but my boss, my mentor, died just one week after diagnosis. It is still hard, every day.

    I know a boss is not a brother, but I feel for you. The sudden onset of an illness in someone you love followed quickly by their passing is almost too much to bear. I hope that in the time since this post you've begun to heal, even just a little. It sounds like you and your family have been through the wringer the last few years. Here's hoping the times to come are more kind. Just try to take care of yourself the best you can; things will get better someday.

    2364 days ago
    Oh Pam I am so sorry to hear of the lose of your brother. Hugs.
    2651 days ago
  • TMCK-40
    Oh my friend. I have absolutely no words that would ease your pain.

    My heart aches for you.
    2654 days ago
    Oh Pam. I am so sorry you hurt. Are your 3 wee kittys giving you enough love? I hope you are feeling better and stronger every day which I'm sure you are. Missing you xxxx
    2677 days ago
  • DONNA0256
    So sorry to read about your brother and the tough year it's been for you. Sending lots and lots of

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Keep putting one foot in front to the other and hang in there.

    2690 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for peace that passes all understanding. emoticon
    2736 days ago
    Very sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my three older brothers so I know your pain. Please know that eventually the pain subsides and they will forever be in your heart.
    2737 days ago
    I am so, so sorry for your losses. emoticon
    2737 days ago
    Very are in my thoughts and prayers.

    hugs, Wendy emoticon
    2737 days ago
    Sorry babe. Nothing we can say will make your losses any easier, but know that we are here for you, and we love you! If there is anything us people in sparkland can do, let us know!
    2737 days ago
  • *MADHU*
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2740 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8092638
    I am so, so sorry. emoticon
    2740 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7767704
    Oh no! Pam, I am truly and deeply sorry for your loss. emoticon
    2740 days ago
    Oh, Pam, my heart aches for you. I don't have many words for you. You will have good days and bad days. You will manage to get through the bad ones by taking one step at a time.

    Your heart will never stop aching, it will just become less acute as time passes, but not for a while. Hang in there.


    2740 days ago
    Oh my God, so very sorry to hear! Any one of those is tragic, all 3 of them so close is draining.

    Do what you need to to take care of yourself!
    2740 days ago
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